Me: Hey Avery, what’s up cutie?

Avery: Oh, hiiiiii Dad, I’m just sitting in this nursery chair…

Me: I see, you look like something’s bothering you dear. Are you feeling okay?

Avery: Well, it’s just that the inside of my mouth has been bothering me lately and I can’t figure out what it is.

Me: Ahhhh, maybe you’re starting to have your teeth come in a little early. You are 4 months old today and it’s possible to have them start appearing. It will be a long, painful process, but mommy and I will help you get through it.

Avery: Really, you will? I’m scared of this teething, what does it even mean?

Me: Yep, we’ll do our best to help you out. We have the Baltic Amber necklace on you in hopes that it will help, but it’s likely you’ll still have pain. Teething is a process that babies go through when their teeth, like these white things in my mouth, start to come out of your gums. I can start as early as 2 months old and go all the way to 2 years old!

Avery: Hmmm, I’m going to grow teeth in here, huh? Why can’t I just not have teeth? I mean, what good are they if they just cause me to have pain?

Me: They are very good! So far, all you’ve had is mommy’s milk, which is good but there are so many good foods to enjoy in the world! Without teeth, you wouldn’t be able to experience these delicious foods and trust me, having to drink everything your whole life would be like me asking you if you are going to poop every 20 minutes. There are way too many foods I want to share with you and can’t wait until you have your teeth to do so! As for the pain, we can offer chilled teething toys, a soft brush on your gums, and even a cold drink to help.

Avery: Yay, can’t wait…… Will you move me? This chair has bad lumbar support.

Me: Yes, here we go, I’ll put you in your swing chair. All better?

Avery: Yes, but I’m still not happy about this pain and it possibly getting worse.

Me: Oh Avery, you’ll be fine. Don’t be such a baby!

Avery: Hey! I AM a baby! Plus, having those white things like you have poke through my perfectly fine gums is daunting! Is all of this food you speak of really worth it?

Me: Of course it is, there is so much food from all over the world I hope to share and enjoy with you! And none of it will come from some fast food joint selling chemicals in the form of food; more on that later. I just want to make sure my daughter gets the best nutrition to keep you looking like the beautiful girl you are.

Avery: Stop it, you’re just saying that! How can you say that when I’ve been drooling all over you as I cry non-stop?

Me: Well, it’s just a part of being a good parent, and both your mommy and I love you more than anything! Plus, like most parents, we can just put the blame for your fussiness on teething even if it really isn’t since you can’t talk and tell us otherwise. But most likely, it’s teething……or you’re gassy or have colic. Those last two are supposed to be a joke b/c they are always what adults say is wrong with a fussy baby.

Avery: Not laughing….

Me: Sorry, maybe you will one day….maybe. So, can you feel any teeth coming in yet?

Avery: Mmmmmmm, nope, nothing but soft gums. But they are a little sore.

Me: Well, your teeth will start coming in before you know it. Once your drooling, irritability, waking at night, and sucking start to increase, we’ll know something’s making its way through your gums. Just do your best to get through it and you’ll be chomping away on tasty things like carrots, apples, and Brussels sprouts.

Avery: Brussels sprouts? Those little green things you constantly eat and then bad smells seem to just appear around you every so often? I’ll pass..

Me: Ha ha, get it?! You’ll “pass”, as in pass gas? And yes, that’s what I do after eating those. Yes, those are the ones, but they are sooooo good and so good for you. I’ll have to work on you with those I guess.

Avery: You embarrass me.

Me: Yeah, that’s what dads are for dear, and it only gets worse. Wait until your first day of school!

Avery: Crap, not looking forward it…. Anyway, dad, if I’m going to get teeth like you have, won’t those be kind of big in my little mouth?

Me: Oh, yeah, your teeth will be much smaller than mine. You see, after you’ve grown your full set of teeth, you’ll eventually lose them and the whole thing happens again over a few years.

Avery: …………………….