“My Dad’s Boobs are Worthless” and Other Random Musings from a Baby

Yes, you read that right, babies, my dad’s boobs serve no purpose other than to confuse and annoy me!

Every night after my bath, mommy sits down with me and I have no issues with feeding until I go to sleep. Then, when I wake up and cry for more food, mommy will be there to give me what I want; milk! I can just eat until I’m so full all I want to do is sleep.

But, sometimes daddy comes in, sits in the same chair using the same Boppy as mommy and when I go for “the milk source”, I only end up disappointed!

So babies, if your dad grabs you when you’re hungry, save yourself the trouble and wait for some external feeding source. My mom and dad call it a bottle. Here, look at this mug and remember the word next time you are about to go for your dad’s boobs.

What really wets my diaper is that daddy carries me around with his shirt off as if to tease me with his useless nippies. I remember one time, during the day he did this and I thought I’d go for a snack and wound up with hair instead. I was beyond annoyed and didn’t even want to smile for the camera.

Oh yeah, and your daddy may not be the only guy who holds you, so beware. This other guy, they call him my Uncle Preston, held me a few times and, well, he just looked confused himself. I let him know I was not here just to be held!

Then he found my tickle spot and I couldn’t help but laugh. Crap, I broke!

So now I know better than to try getting milk from any guy unless they have a bottle. If you find yourself in a guy’s arms when hungry, just act uninterested until your mommy gets you. I learned this at Easter; sorry, Papa.

Speaking of Easter, I actually have a few things to reflect on from April. Let’s see, where to begin…

My dad seems to enjoy mowing the lawn with his Fiskars reel mower while wearing me in the Onya. I hear him talk about how I just fall asleep while he goes across the yard, but it would be a whole lot better if he didn’t always stop to take pictures of himself with the mower. It’s annoying and I don’t want other babies to see me with my rattle turtle socks!

Strollers, ugh, stroller; when he’s not wearing me he’s running with me in the stroller. This past month has had some nice weather and we went on several runs, but he always used the annoying weather shield to “protect me from dirt.” How about giving me fresh air, dad?! That would be nice and not leave me so unimpressed at the end.

Luckily, mommy set dad straight and he no longer uses the shield. Ha ha ha, it sure was funny to see mommy prove him wrong!

I’ve really been enjoying my time with G-Ma lately, I’m not sure why I used to cry when she visited. Maybe her big, shiny hair scared me, but now I just see it as something fun to pull.

Apparently there’s more to the world than the same loop around our neighborhood and grocery stores. Daddy took me to what he called trails and we saw a lot of green plants and even a river. But seriously dad, how about not making the sun shoot directly in my eyes next time we do a selfie?

Oh yeah, we also saw a character named Bart Simpson while on the trails. Daddy filled me in on The Simpsons and told me some adult babies were coloring where they weren’t allowed.

I’ve grown tired of the chair to my swing and it took forever for mom and dad to get the hint that I was uncomfortable. I just had to exaggerate a little.

My jumper is okay for a while, but I’d prefer not to have a camera shoved in my face when I’m hard at work! Hear that, dad?!

Again, with the camera, just because I turn another month doesn’t mean I turn into some clay model you can put in different poses.

And the bear, ohhhh the bear. I tried whispering to him to help me escape and he was just like dad’s boobs; useless!

Next time, bear, you’re head is mine!

Speaking of models, mommy took a few photos of me when I was on the bed and I must say, I’m pretty cute. Check out my side profile.

Okay, and one more of my awesome, happy face….

I can move anywhere I want to in my crib now, but I always go to the same corner when sleeping at night. Mom and dad try to face me the other way, but I’m smart, I just turn around and go right to my spot. Hey, it’s just who I am!

Playtime is starting to be more fun, but I wish daddy didn’t look so awkward when tickling me.

Even rings have become appealing to me now. There are several colors but daddy always shows me the blue one.

I’ve really been trying to get to the rings when they are out of reach, but so far, rolling doesn’t help the situation. If only there were some other way to get at things in front of you…hmmm

Daddy always brings me to work out with him, but I’m never impressed. Sometimes, I question if he even does anything when he always stops and takes pictures of me. No smiles for you, dad, until you’re finished!

I do like it better being in my Mamas & Papas chair when he’s in the garage though. Points to dad for finally catching on!

And last but never least, thank you, mommy, for being there for me at night when I’m hungry. We all know dad has nothing good and I just love being held by you more anyway.

So those are my thoughts on April; I learned a few things and can’t wait to learn more. For starters, figuring out these Skwish Stix would be nice.

Well babies of the world, until next time, keep my reflections and warnings in mind as you go about learning how to make the most of life. Oh, and, I think I got the Chinese baby look down. Here, tell me if I’m doing it right!

I linked this post with link parties being hosted by the parenting blogs listed below. Check them out for posts by other wonderful parents who have great info and fun to share!

3 thoughts on ““My Dad’s Boobs are Worthless” and Other Random Musings from a Baby”

Jonathan says:

05/04/2014 at 3:36 pm

Really enjoyed reading this. Love the expression ‘what really wets my diaper’.

1. rcrown2 says:
  
  05/04/2014 at 8:57 pm
  
  Thank you, Jonathan, always glad to hear when someone enjoys a post! Yeah, I like that expression too, and it just popped in my head while writing.
  
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