Upon the publishing of this post, I am preparing for my personal ‘opening day’ in a few hours. No, I’m joining a Major League Baseball team (how cool would that be?), I’m literally getting opened via incision in my right shoulder to release my entrapped suprascapular nerve.

Yeah, that atrophy thing I wrote about a couple months ago will hopefully be on its way to getting rectified with this surgery. Going Mom will be my escort to and from the hospital as G-Ma stays home to watch darling little girl. Whom, by the way, just took one big bittersweet step in growingup-ville with her new Naturepedic big kid bed.

It doesn’t seem that long ago when I wrote about our first days of putting her in the crib. Seriously, this parenting thing takes a major emotional toll! I guess on the bright side, snuggling with her for a nap will be much easier than it was in the crib.

Anyway, *wipes tear from eye* back on track now. The surgery will be an outpatient procedure, so I get to go home the same day. Hopefully the anesthesia doesn’t make me too crazy or anything. I’d hate for Avery to see Daddy in some weird altered state that scares her or something. I might go crazy from lack of food alone since there’s no eating or drinking (even water) after midnight the night before and my opening day procedure doesn’t start until almost noon.

I’ve always been a fan of fasting, so at least it’s not a new thing to endure. And no getting the area wet for three days after means I won’t have a real shower until Saturday, but I’ll be sure to soak in a bath. You’re welcome, wife. 🙂

Once I’m able to get back in the groove of things, I have a little week long vacation to the Outer Banks I want to write about. Until then, I guess I’ll just depend on my trusty standby content of puns. And why not? They’re freakin’ awesome. Even the ones that elicit a sickly groan still bring a smile to the face……usually.

Since doctors, hospitals, and other medical areas are on the mind, today’s puns will be in these categories.

• I had to drink food coloring after losing a bet. Luckily, I’m not sick, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
• Listening to a brain surgeon and anaesthesiologist talk is mind numbing.
• They tried to save him with an I.V. but it was all in vein.
• An editor went to the doctor for help with his poor circulation.
• The brain surgeon refused to take no for an answer, so I gave him a piece of my mind.
• Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.
• A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.
• My hematologist said my outlook is good since I’m a B Positive type.
• A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.
• A surgeon’s comments are incisive remarks.
• After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.
• I couldn’t decide which of two physicians to see. It was a paradox.
• It was really crowded at the diet doctor’s office but then it thinned out.