When a woman has a baby, it’s expected that you may run into the baby blues. Your wife or partner has just changed her entire body with a baby, gone through the rigors of labor and delivery and now they’ve got to deal with the physical and mental demands of breastfeeding and night feeds. It’s an awful lot for a person to handle at once, and it’s a shock to the system for new mothers. It’s also why postpartum depression is so common after a baby has been born. During the pregnancy, you – the father – can be an amazing support. You can attend appointments, feel the kicks and be there to hold her hand during labor, but the fact is that you experience the pregnancy in a very different way. Here’s the thing, though: you are the father, you don’t carry the baby and yet you are still at risk of developing postpartum depression.

It’s not something that’s well-known in the mental health community, as the diagnosis is still fairly new, but postpartum depression is absolutely possible in men as well as women. Women have a huge change that they go through, but so do men. Do you remember the moment that you saw your baby? Those beautifully tiny hands and those owlish eyes full of unknown wisdom? Well, you probably filled up with pride, pure, unadulterated pride. This is your child that you created and is your little piece of immortality to keep. Once those emotions have passed and settled into that unconditional love, the reality of the situation settles in, too. Every night, there is a baby screaming for food every three hours. You can’t leave the house without feeling ripped apart with guilt that you’ve left your partner with the squalling infant on as little sleep as you’ve had. You both are strung out on exhaustion and you’re trying to earn money to keep the bills paid and you’re sniping at each other. It’s quite a downward spiral.

Over time, and before you know it, you’ve stopped laughing, you’ve stopped communicating and your mood stays low. You don’t want to go home after work and find you’re heading to the pub more and more often. You spend less time with your partner to avoid the rows and the screaming, but you feel a failure at the same time. These are all signs of depression in men, but you may not think about it at first. You may just blame it on exhaustion. You may dismiss how you feel and blame it on new fatherhood being an adjustment. The thing is depression is extremely difficult to admit to, and there’s no such thing as being able to ‘just get over it’. The positive thing? You’re not alone. The big life change that you’ve just gone through in becoming a father can result in post-partum depression and other mood disorders in men. The side effects and anxiety can manifest physically and can also leave you feeling worthless and on self-destruct. It may feel difficult, and it may seem like you don’t have a reason to complain because of your partner at home, but you do have a right to ask for help. It’s not a sign of weakness to admit defeat and speak to your doctor. It’s a strength to say out loud that you’re worried. It’s taking the steering wheel and guiding your own life back to where you want it to be.

Paternal postnatal depression is a serious condition and can lead to addiction and even losing your family. You can read leaflets about rehab centres like https://www.hotelcaliforniabellevue.com/ to get over an addiction started by paternal postpartum depression. You can also get the right treatment hashed out with your doctor so that you can go back to feeling more like yourself. With the right treatment, the right support and the fact you’ve spoken out about how you feel, you can overcome postpartum depression.

Being a new father is not easy. Paternal postnatal depression is very common and can happen to 1 in 4 men. You are adjusting to an entirely new life in your home and your whole life has been turned upside down. It’s stressful to go from being carefree to having a small, new infant needing you for everything. Even the times they need their mother, you can be left feeling rejected and left out of their new bond. It’s not okay that you spiral downward because of that but it’s important that you can understand the signs that it’s happening to you. There are things that you can do to recognise what puts you at risk for PPND, and some of those things are listed here:

• No sleep.
• Personal history of depression in your life prior to the baby being born.
• A breakdown in relationship with your partner.
• A lack of support from others around you.
• Feeling rejected because of the new bond with the baby between them and their mother.
• Feeling pressure about being a good father.
• Money issues.

One of the biggest signs is that your partner is suffering with baby blues or postpartum depression because up to half of men who suffer with postpartum depression have partners suffering the same way. The birth of your child is emotionally challenging, and it doesn’t happen straight away. You can develop symptoms within the first year and there’s just no single answer as to why some men suffer with it and not others. It’s not something you find in the many baby books out there, but it can affect your relationship with your spouse. The most important thing to recognize is that you will need some help if your emotions can’t be handled. You can’t blame yourself for how you feel; it’s a hormonal issue that cannot be helped. What you can do, though, is find help. From as many angles as possible, you need to ask for help from everyone around you and admit to your partner how you are feeling. Admitting how you feel is the first step to overall recovery.