It’s one of the most stressful experiences anybody can go through. Everything that’s inherent about your personality is ripped out of you, and put on display, and then used against you in a legal setting. But when you are going through the divorce process and you’ve got children, the most difficult thing to keep a lid on is the anger and negative emotions you feel so tempted to spit out. But for the sake of the children, it’s important that you set an example, and keep everything in check. What can we do?
Keep The Adult Conversations Between The Adults
It’s simple, but it’s seldom abided by. If your ex is denying you time with the children for a specific reason, the temptation right there and then in front of the kids could be to tell them exactly what your rights are. It’s important that we know what we are allowed to do in a legal context, and there are father’s rights help resources that can help with this. But when the conversation turns to things like money we need to keep the children out of it.
Stop Your Childish Sensibilities
Name-calling, being spiteful and criticizing your ex doesn’t turn your children against them, it turns them against you in the end. This is poisoning your children’s minds, and if you use whatever limited time you have with them to spout negativity about your ex, this is going to cause them so much stress. Doing this is making your children choose between one or the other, and if your ex is holding the fort and not resorting to name-calling, then you are the one that’s going to emerge as the loser. The same applies to money. We can’t buy our children’s love, and resorting to bribery tactics may help on the surface, but when you want your children to love you no matter what, money isn’t the way to get them to love you more. We underestimate children in this respect, and they are smarter than we ever give them credit for. Sure, buy your child something nice because you want to, but don’t use it as a reason for them to keep coming back.
Put Yourself In The Kids’ Shoes
They are going through a stressful time, and while you are struggling with a whole manner of emotional, not to mention financial, problems, you need to look at it from the perspective of your children. They are being forced to live in two different places, and this is such an upheaval, that you need to find ways to ease them into this inevitable scenario. Instead of uprooting them, as difficult as it may be, finding ways for you and your ex to spend time with the children as a family could help the kids feel better about the situation. This means that both you and your ex have to reach some common ground. This may be done through counseling, but whatever your approach, the children have to take priority. Amazingly, during divorce, this is something we can forget about. Keeping decorum during divorce is not easy, but it’s achievable, just as long as both sides are ready and willing.