Category Archives: Puns

Puns

24 Completely Random Puns to Make You Laugh or Groan

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Nothing like starting the day with puns, right? Even if they make you groan, they still put a smile on your face…….usually. At least it’s Friday, and that makes most people smile. Unless you’re reading this after it’s been publish, then I’d guess that it’s another part of the week that ends in y.

Sidewalk-Pun-Random Puns

Whatever the time of day/week, I hope you enjoy this list of double entendres as much as I do.

Enjoy!

  1. I caught my kid sticking a key in a light socket and was so shocked that I grounded him. He’s not the brightest.
  2. The man got tired of making sandwiches, so he found a sub.
  3. They just opened a chophouse on top of skyscraper I heard the food is good, but the steaks are high.
  4. Eggs for breakfast are one of the top five cereal killers.
  5. Growing a garden is no big dill, all it takes is a little thyme and plants will cumin. Don’t let impatiens wilt this sage advice.
  6. Batman hates wearing jeans and a t-shirt, it’s just not his strong suit.
  7. Elsa knew she was in a hot mess when all of her assets were frozen.
  8. When he told his wife not to draw her eyebrows on so high, she looked surprised.
  9. I’m writing a book about the worst beers in the world. So far it’s just a bunch of rough drafts, I can’t take much lager.
  10. After his donut bakery burned down, the baker quit working. He was tired of the hole thing and now his business was toast.
  11. The computer wanted to chip in on a game of poker, but it ran out of cache.
  12. To get the most bang for your buck when celebrating a special occasion, fire works.
  13. I wanted to fly for my next trip, but could get a terminal illness at the airport and forget a flying carpet, that’s too rugged.
  14. The high ranking officer tripped over his own feet in front of the large crowd. It was a Major faux pas.
  15. She started dating the man after he backed into her car. They met by accident.
  16. Never trust a nail, they’re always getting hammered.
  17. Making butter leaves no margarine for error.
  18. Animals never die, they just carrion.
  19. The best sport to play with your ex is tennis since Love means nothing.
  20. Some birds don’t think it’s a aviary big concern, but others worry that Global Worming is a result of fowl play.
  21. She wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but couldn’t find the manual.
  22. I had to drink food coloring after losing a bet. Luckily, I’m not sick, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
  23. It’s hard to find leather workers, all they do is hide.
  24. The juggler is the toughest guy at the circus, he has the most balls.

I’m always thinking of puns using my surroundings or being inspired by other puns, which mean another random puns post is always a guarantee!

Life, Puns

A Personal Opening Day + Puns for the Occasion

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Upon the publishing of this post, I am preparing for my personal ‘opening day’ in a few hours. No, I’m joining a Major League Baseball team (how cool would that be?), I’m literally getting opened via incision in my right shoulder to release my entrapped suprascapular nerve.

Yeah, that atrophy thing I wrote about a couple months ago will hopefully be on its way to getting rectified with this surgery. Going Mom will be my escort to and from the hospital as G-Ma stays home to watch darling little girl. Whom, by the way, just took one big bittersweet step in growingup-ville with her new Naturepedic big kid bed.

opening day, funny, surgery, growing up

It doesn’t seem that long ago when I wrote about our first days of putting her in the crib. Seriously, this parenting thing takes a major emotional toll! I guess on the bright side, snuggling with her for a nap will be much easier than it was in the crib.

Testing out the crib on my birthday.

Anyway, *wipes tear from eye* back on track now. The surgery will be an outpatient procedure, so I get to go home the same day. Hopefully the anesthesia doesn’t make me too crazy or anything. I’d hate for Avery to see Daddy in some weird altered state that scares her or something. I might go crazy from lack of food alone since there’s no eating or drinking (even water) after midnight the night before and my opening day procedure doesn’t start until almost noon.

I’ve always been a fan of fasting, so at least it’s not a new thing to endure. And no getting the area wet for three days after means I won’t have a real shower until Saturday, but I’ll be sure to soak in a bath. You’re welcome, wife. 🙂

Once I’m able to get back in the groove of things, I have a little week long vacation to the Outer Banks I want to write about. Until then, I guess I’ll just depend on my trusty standby content of puns. And why not? They’re freakin’ awesome. Even the ones that elicit a sickly groan still bring a smile to the face……usually.

Since doctors, hospitals, and other medical areas are on the mind, today’s puns will be in these categories.

opening day, funny, puns, pun, humor, snowman

  • I had to drink food coloring after losing a bet. Luckily, I’m not sick, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
  • Listening to a brain surgeon and anaesthesiologist talk is mind numbing.
  • They tried to save him with an I.V. but it was all in vein.
  • An editor went to the doctor for help with his poor circulation.
  • The brain surgeon refused to take no for an answer, so I gave him a piece of my mind.
  • Two surgeons were joking about sutures and had each other in stitches.
  • A pediatrician is a doctor of little patients.
  • My hematologist said my outlook is good since I’m a B Positive type.
  • A doctor drank while putting on patients’ casts. He was soon plastered.
  • A surgeon’s comments are incisive remarks.
  • After 5 years with the same chiropractor, I had to change doctors. It was quite an adjustment.
  • I couldn’t decide which of two physicians to see. It was a paradox.
  • It was really crowded at the diet doctor’s office but then it thinned out.
Puns

A Random List of Puns 2

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A month ago I shared my first Random List of Puns post. Although I didn’t see a flow of online traffic rushing to see my puns, at least I get to laugh at them again. Hey, there are plenty of worse sequels out there….

puns, sequel, bad movies, air bud, funny, humor, jokes

As always, I hope anyone reading these enjoy at least one pun. If you’re like me, going just seven days without a pun will make one weak. (eh, eh?)

  1. When a sheep is going in the wrong direction it makes a ewe turn.
  2. I just got back from the leech museum, it sucked.
  3. Flowers that wish to abstain from pollination should consider plant parenthood.
  4. The glue company failed quickly. The owner couldn’t adhere to his business plan and customers never became attached.
  5. The man who created a new hay baler retired early. He made a bundle.
  6. Most horses break up from lack of a stable relationship.
  7. I used to toss and turn in bed all night, but since I started listening to music, I’ve had a sound sleep.
  8. My friend said that feta is the best cheese, so I said he clearly didn’t know jack. Then he threw a lump of cheddar at me, not very mature. I asked if he curd go a-whey after that.
  9. Look out for triangles making bold claims, they’re usually wrong. It’ll be a clear sine if they are right.
  10. The latest craze is playing Scrabble on the road. At least that’s the word on the street.
  11. Cows don’t have feet because they lactose.
  12. She was interviewed to join an elite hair stylist group but never heard back. She didn’t make the cut, but kept a good attitude and brushed it off.
  13. My teacher kept bugging me to write a preposition, so I finally gave in.
  14. The baby bird had trouble learning to fly, so it decided to just wing it.
  15. I saw a novel about crime and asked the bookstore employee if it was any good. He said it has it’s prose and cons.
  16. A great way to help the environment is to cut down on deforestation.
  17. His candy cane collection must be worth a fortune. It’s all in mint condition.
  18. I bought a new book about infinity, it just goes on forever!
  19. When asked if he could help, the TV repairman nodded and said he just needs to get set to work.

Have a great weekend!