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Kettlebell Training for Toddlers

Hey there, fellow Toddler cohorts! Walking yet?

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No worries if you’re not there yet, it took me longer than expected too. At least Mommy and Daddy seem to think so. Whatevs. Remember how I revealed my resolution for 2015 was to master the kettlebell? I’ve been practicing and even have my very own now.

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I like it much better than Daddy’s since I can actually lift this one, plus it’s more colorful with a pretty blue handle and red base. See?

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Now that I have my own, I figured I’d share a couple quick kettlebell moves you can use to start exercising with your Mommy and Daddy. Or, maybe you can help them kick any bad habits and teach them a thing or two about training. Like drinking, have them knock it out or threaten to do it for them. Like this….

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There, problem solved. Let them know they can buy a new kettlebell with the money they save from not drinking, or at least skipping the next purchase. Toddler Tip: Parents seem to really like their drinks, so only use this approach as a last resort. Back to the training; use the grooves on the handle to align your fingers for a good, firm grip like so.

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Then stand up making sure you keep good form throughout.

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Now, from a standing posit…..ahhh, blasted teething, must chew something quick! Hummmmmm, nom, nom….

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Holy diaper rash, the pain just comes out of nowhere! Anyway, holding your kettlebell by the handle, begin a swinging motion by……Gahhhh, not again!! Lets take a quick break.

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Okay, had to leave the gym/our garage and go inside to let the pain subside. The benefit to kettlebell training is that you can do it inside or out, making it perfect when the weather is like my morning diaper….crappy. C’mon, you other tots know what I’m talking about. Eh?

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Picking up where we left off, hold your kettlebell and ahh, aaHHHH….seriously?! How many teeth are in there? This is worse than…..well, I don’t have much to compare to yet, but it hurts! For those of you going through the same thing, forget swinging, just do this with your kettlebell.

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No hands! Yeah, I’ve been practicing for a while now, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t advanced enough for the kettlebell mouth swing. Well, my training is not going as planned today, so just try closing your eyes, grabbing your kettlebell, and running/swinging blindly.

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Hey, it gets the heart going and just feels good sometimes.

*Next Day*

Hi again……it was a long night full of what Mommy and Daddy call ducking teething. I have no clue what ducking has to do with it, but my mouth sure does hurt.

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Before “it” happens again, let me just show you the basic kettlebell swing. Yesterday, after my ducking teething, Daddy showed me how to do it right.

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I took plenty of notes, and can give you the key things to remember for a proper swing. Standing with you feet at least shoulder-width apart, hold your kettlebell with both hands and swing it between your legs back up to eye level. That’s one rep/swing.

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Some versions have you bringing it over your head, that’s the American style, but we tend to do the Russian swing in our house. That might change after I just knocked that vodka bottle over though! Oops.

One last thing, when you’re training at high intensities with the kettlebell, you’re going to have an increased appetite. Make sure you feed your body quality nutrients to help it grow strong and fuel your workouts to allow you to perform. Along with plenty of fresh veggies, Daddy always has a delicous NuttZo creation to feed me and I can already tell I’m ready for a heavier kettlebell!

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Oh, and one more last thing, for real this time; you can save 15% off your total NuttZo order by using code liley15 at checkout on their website. Since us toddlers don’t have a credit card, make sure to put on your best cheese-face and get your parents to order now!

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How to Remove Your Sock: A Toddler Pictorial

Ahhh, c’mon, I know I put that thing in here somewhere!

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This is preposterous! Socks don’t just “disappear” like when mommy or daddy have my nose!

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What?

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Oh, well hello there, fellow bambinos! Are you tired of your parents putting socks on you when you have a hard floor and you’re just learning to walk? Slip much? Geez, I sure do! So I made a quick tutorial on how to remove your socks sock.

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Yeah, it would’ve been “socks”, but I already took one off and lost it in that box.  Oops….not my proudest moment. I’m typically good about keeping track of things. For instance, my wooden duck walker and Catch Me Kitty are strategically placed behind me to make sure either mommy or daddy trips over here. It’s only fair if they put things on me that make fall, no?

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All you need to know is how to take off one, and then you do the same with the other anyway. So, first thing you do is grab your sock-covered toes and start pulling up. Sometimes you have to pull hard and it might even stretch your leg more then you’d like.

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Okay, by stretch I mean hurt, but we have to remain strong. No crying!

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Crap, panic is setting in, this thing won’t budge! Just bare (ha ha, get it, “bare” as in bare feet?) with me, use both hands, and keep your composure. See? Like me with my face of fortitude!

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Unheard of. This sock is the devil and it can go to hail! Or I think that’s what they call it. It’s angry face time…..NO CRYING!

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Ahhh, forget it! We’re all doomed to spend the rest of our lives single-socked! Okay, cry NOW!!!!

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And this concludes my sock removal tutorial. Enjoy your Friday, bambinos, I think I’ll just sit here and watch my caterpillar from a distance….

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How to “Walk the Walk” As A Baby

Hmmm, daddy’s shoe is pretty cool, I wonder if I want to take it….

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Oh, hello there, baby peers. Have you started walking yet?

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That’s cool if you haven’t, but you’re really missing out. I just started and I’m already working on my dance moves.

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Remember when I talked about surviving the first 5 months of your life? Or when I shared my thoughts as a crawling baby? Well, that was cool and all, but I’m obviously past all of that “child’s play”.

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And it’s freakin’ awesome…..Haaayyyyyy!

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Okay, just had to get that out of the way. I’m done.

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Just kidding, one more time!! Heeyyy…..Oooohhhh!!

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Seriously, I’m done now.

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Now that we’ve established I can walk *cough* and dance *cough*, I’ve noticed an increase in my ability to get what I want and figured I share a few of them with you other, less advanced, babies. I’ve even been taking notes in my cool book to remember all of my new findings.

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First off, as a walker, you can reach things you never could when you were floor-bound. Speaking of, I’m a little hungry, let me just grab something from the fridge. Oooo, I see a nice jar of NuttZo calling my name!

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It’s okay, daddy bought it, but it’s mine because I said so. I even had him make me some tasty Pumpkin NuttZo Oatmeal Bread like this.

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Since I’m high-maintenance, I care for sugar laden food in my diet, so I make sure he only sweetens with high quality stevia like Pyure Sweet. Another tasty dish daddy made is this chocolate black bean puree with NuttZo and Pyure Sweet mixed in.

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Before I eat, I need to take my shirt off so I don’t get it messed up.

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It’s my choice, I swear, I like to keep my clothes clean! C’mon, dad, I’m trying to give advice here, hurry with food!

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Ahhh, seriously?! Can’t you just get one good spoonful in my mouth? This is annoying and embarrassing when I’m trying to talk here! We’re done, put it up, dad, I’m leaving.

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See, when you’re walking, you can be more upfront and demanding. Plus, if you don’t like how something is being done, now you have more options in expressing your disdain. For example, since daddy sucked at getting the food in my mouth, I’m going to move this stool in front of the fridge.

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Yep, that’ll show him. And I still have my shirt off even though I’m a girl. Like I said, whatever I want, I do! Grrrrr!

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I am also learning to take matters into my own hands. If I am trying to play and find that something around me stinks, I make a point to find the source.

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Obviously, if you’re smart like me, you go to the trash first.

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But nope, can’t find anything there. Maybe under the rug?

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Negative. I hate to admit it, but I’m a little stumped.

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This is a good time to bring up another pointer; when you begin to question whether you have what it takes to rule the house, go find something and pick it up.

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The bigger the better, and try walking it with it if you can.

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If you’re as good at ruling as I am, go for a one-hander and make sure mommy and daddy sees you in all of your glory!

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Uhhh, crap, I think that just helped me find the source of the stench from earlier. It’s in my diaper. Which bring me to another thing I’ve picked up on………I can take my diaper off whenever I want!

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If I’m in the kitchen and feel like pulling it off, well, I’m gonna do just that! Mommy and daddy reallllly don’t like this, so I do it more. For some reason, when my diaper is smelly and I take it off, that means I have to take a bath. I don’t understand exactly, but I like baths anyway.

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Even if I’m enjoying the bath, I keep my parents in check by showing them what happens if they make me mad.

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What? You think I’m kidding?

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I NEVER kid!

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One time, daddy was being annoying with the camera….

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I told him to stop or I’d eat the turtle’s (his favorite animal) head.

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When I heard the camera shutter after I warned him, I showed him I was serious!

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Then I slowly started walking (because I can do that now) closer to him to show the now headless turtle. But….

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Surprise, I never bit the head off!

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You might think I chickened out, but in reality, my reasoning is two-fold. Smiling and pretending to be cute makes your parents forget all bad that you have done, and I enjoy the tasty food they hand me.

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Because, without the food, I resort to my sleeve, and that just doesn’t taste as good.

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In sum, as a walking baby, you have to make freedom for yourself. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself stuck in your crib with a stuffed bear all day.

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So heed my advice, babies, or suffer the consequences. You have been warned!

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