Tag Archives: avery

“My Dad’s Boobs are Worthless” and Other Random Musings from a Baby

05/02/2014 R.C. Liley 3 Comments

Yes, you read that right, babies, my dad’s boobs serve no purpose other than to confuse and annoy me!

Every night after my bath, mommy sits down with me and I have no issues with feeding until I go to sleep. Then, when I wake up and cry for more food, mommy will be there to give me what I want; milk! I can just eat until I’m so full all I want to do is sleep.

But, sometimes daddy comes in, sits in the same chair using the same Boppy as mommy and when I go for “the milk source”, I only end up disappointed!

So babies, if your dad grabs you when you’re hungry, save yourself the trouble and wait for some external feeding source. My mom and dad call it a bottle. Here, look at this mug and remember the word next time you are about to go for your dad’s boobs.

What really wets my diaper is that daddy carries me around with his shirt off as if to tease me with his useless nippies. I remember one time, during the day he did this and I thought I’d go for a snack and wound up with hair instead. I was beyond annoyed and didn’t even want to smile for the camera.

Oh yeah, and your daddy may not be the only guy who holds you, so beware. This other guy, they call him my Uncle Preston, held me a few times and, well, he just looked confused himself. I let him know I was not here just to be held!

Then he found my tickle spot and I couldn’t help but laugh. Crap, I broke!

So now I know better than to try getting milk from any guy unless they have a bottle. If you find yourself in a guy’s arms when hungry, just act uninterested until your mommy gets you. I learned this at Easter; sorry, Papa.

Speaking of Easter, I actually have a few things to reflect on from April. Let’s see, where to begin…

My dad seems to enjoy mowing the lawn with his Fiskars reel mower while wearing me in the Onya. I hear him talk about how I just fall asleep while he goes across the yard, but it would be a whole lot better if he didn’t always stop to take pictures of himself with the mower. It’s annoying and I don’t want other babies to see me with my rattle turtle socks!

Strollers, ugh, stroller; when he’s not wearing me he’s running with me in the stroller. This past month has had some nice weather and we went on several runs, but he always used the annoying weather shield to “protect me from dirt.” How about giving me fresh air, dad?! That would be nice and not leave me so unimpressed at the end.

Luckily, mommy set dad straight and he no longer uses the shield. Ha ha ha, it sure was funny to see mommy prove him wrong!

I’ve really been enjoying my time with G-Ma lately, I’m not sure why I used to cry when she visited. Maybe her big, shiny hair scared me, but now I just see it as something fun to pull.

Apparently there’s more to the world than the same loop around our neighborhood and grocery stores. Daddy took me to what he called trails and we saw a lot of green plants and even a river. But seriously dad, how about not making the sun shoot directly in my eyes next time we do a selfie?

Oh yeah, we also saw a character named Bart Simpson while on the trails. Daddy filled me in on The Simpsons and told me some adult babies were coloring where they weren’t allowed.

I’ve grown tired of the chair to my swing and it took forever for mom and dad to get the hint that I was uncomfortable. I just had to exaggerate a little.

My jumper is okay for a while, but I’d prefer not to have a camera shoved in my face when I’m hard at work! Hear that, dad?!

Again, with the camera, just because I turn another month doesn’t mean I turn into some clay model you can put in different poses.

And the bear, ohhhh the bear. I tried whispering to him to help me escape and he was just like dad’s boobs; useless!

Next time, bear, you’re head is mine!

Speaking of models, mommy took a few photos of me when I was on the bed and I must say, I’m pretty cute. Check out my side profile.

Okay, and one more of my awesome, happy face….

I can move anywhere I want to in my crib now, but I always go to the same corner when sleeping at night. Mom and dad try to face me the other way, but I’m smart, I just turn around and go right to my spot. Hey, it’s just who I am!

Playtime is starting to be more fun, but I wish daddy didn’t look so awkward when tickling me.

Even rings have become appealing to me now. There are several colors but daddy always shows me the blue one.

I’ve really been trying to get to the rings when they are out of reach, but so far, rolling doesn’t help the situation. If only there were some other way to get at things in front of you…hmmm

Daddy always brings me to work out with him, but I’m never impressed. Sometimes, I question if he even does anything when he always stops and takes pictures of me. No smiles for you, dad, until you’re finished!

I do like it better being in my Mamas & Papas chair when he’s in the garage though. Points to dad for finally catching on!

And last but never least, thank you, mommy, for being there for me at night when I’m hungry. We all know dad has nothing good and I just love being held by you more anyway.

So those are my thoughts on April; I learned a few things and can’t wait to learn more. For starters, figuring out these Skwish Stix would be nice.

Well babies of the world, until next time, keep my reflections and warnings in mind as you go about learning how to make the most of life. Oh, and, I think I got the Chinese baby look down. Here, tell me if I’m doing it right!

I linked this post with link parties being hosted by the parenting blogs listed below. Check them out for posts by other wonderful parents who have great info and fun to share!

Life, Parenting

Smiling Baby Pictures for Instant Stress Relief

04/16/2014 R.C. Liley 5 Comments

You know “those” days, when nothing goes as planned and you’re feeling overwhelmed about everything. Yep, that’s stress and it sucks!

It’s said that a little bit of stress is good for us, but I’m willing to bet we get way more of than we prefer. When I’m feeling stressed, seeing my smiling baby’s face makes it all go away in an instant.

I could be chopping veggies and slice my hand (true story) making me run around franticly trying to stop the bleeding and not freak out. But, if I look up and see Avery’s face smiling at me, I would forget my injured limb and just smile back; then I’d proceed to freak out.

Anyway, here’s a few pictures of Avery smiling. These make Kelley and me happy every time we look at them, and I hope they’ll help you relieve some stress.

Too many? Didn’t think so. I hope I’ll be able to take many more and share with everyone!

Now go enjoy your day with a little less stress! If you’re still feeling unnerved by something…..see above.

Avery Talk, Parenting

How to Survive the First 5 Months of Your Life

04/12/2014 R.C. Liley 3 Comments

Well, hello there, earth newbs. Want to know how to make it through the first 5 months of your life?

If so, then I’ve got some important information you need to hear. Now, first things first; see this mouth? Listen to it!

I’ve learned a few things about those giant babies hovering around us like we depend on them or something. Little do they know, I’ve been pretty sneaky in my 5 months sans womb.

I mean, reaaalllly sneaky….

I’ve been pretending not to understand things, but I get it all….up to 5 months, that is. So, if you learn nothing else from me today, just remember one thing.

Most of you will mainly have two giant babies around you, one calls themselves “Mommy” and the other “Daddy”. Now look at my mouth……..your MUST remember these two.

Your mommy will probably hold you to the middle of her giant baby body in front of these two dark and odd-shaped pacifiers; just latch on and drink until your stomach feels better. Now, your daddy, he doesn’t do this….I know, confusing, right? Instead, he will usually hold you higher and only have one clear pacifier that is more uniform in shape. Just do the same, latch and drink. See, kinda like this….

And DON’T, I mean DON’T latch on like this…

Mommy just screams and daddy gets frustrated. Hmmm, or wait….unless you want to make them mad.

Yeah, in that case do that, but not very often, just enough to keep them confused and at your mercy. You see, what they are giving you is what keeps your tummy full and gives you more energy to cry. But it also makes you mess up your diaper.

But don’t worry, mommy and daddy will take it off and give you a nice and clean diaper. This will make you very happy!

Speaking of diapers, mommy and daddy call mine cloth and they’re always putting them in some basket and when it’s full. Once the basket is full, they put them in some loud machine and after a few hours, I see the same ones again! When I can, I always wait until right after they put a full basket in the machine to make a poop. Hmmmm, I wonder if they like that or not.

Oh well, just remember, latch on, drink, dirty your diaper, then cry so they know to change you. Trust me, you want them to change you! These little tips will help you grow and stay clean. Another important piece of advice is getting some sleep. Yep, when you are like this…

Only your eyes will be fully shut and you could be in a number of other positions. Plus, I’m not wrapped like a burrito but you most likely will be. The sooner you accept having your arms strapped down, the better off you’ll be. I accepted, for a while, and l usually slept well. Here’ me pretending to be happy when I had no control of my arms or legs.

And once you wake up, if your mommy and/or daddy are there, flash them a smile. It’ll get you places and they seem to like this.

Eat, sleep, poop, and pee; that’s basically what you do these first few months. I’m still figuring out the rest and will keep you updated as I go. Oh yeah, you might start what the big babies call “teething” which really hurts and makes you slobber more than you already do.

I find it helps to chew on my hands……like all the time. Just try it, it feels soooo good.

If you eat and sleep well, then you might be able to roll over on your own after a few months. You can find my thoughts about rolling over in another post.

So, follow my simple advice and you’re sure to survive your first five months of existence. Make sure to throw your parents a few curveballs by acting excited about something, and then like you could care less.