Okay, I’m sure girls want to have pun too. But since I’m a guy, it the title only made sense. Either way, when it comes to puns, they just, well…..
I’ve racked up a few puns since the last pun post and it’s time to share. Groan, moan, laugh, cry, or stare with a blank look, whatever you do, hope at least one elicits a little smirk on your face.
- I tried to think of a geology joke but the good ones Argon. I felt boulder and tried digging deeper, but that created too much pressure and I’ve hit rock bottom. Guess I took telling jokes for granite.
- When the lost artist wandered into a war zone, he drew fire.
- Finding a guard you can trust takes sentries.
- Finding a good marionette to buy is complicated, there’s too many strings attached.
- Chemistry teachers love giving periodic pop quizzes to their students.
- I quit working at the sunglasses business because things seemed a little shady and my future felt dim.
- War photographers shoot as many people as they want and know to never use a cannon.
- Translators for the deaf perform an outstanding service, you have to hand it them.
- There was a major conference on apathy, but no one cared to attend.
- The newly hired oil rig crew quickly lost interest in their job when they found drilling was just boring.
- Ever since the business owner needed more room for parking, he’s had a lot on his mind.
- The elderly photographer tried to transition from using film to going digital, but nothing developed.
- I asked my friend why he auditioned to cast in a water play without me. He said “I’m too swamped but meant to run it bayou since we’re on the same stream.” But it was too little too lake, his statement didn’t seem reel.
- The tortillas tried forming a rock band, but ended up wrapping instead.
- Throwing a cat out the window makes kitty litter.
- Tennis players grunt too much when they play, I can’t stand all of the racket.
- I saw Tony Stark looking upset at the doctor’s office because he just found out he had anemia. I heard his friend, James Rhodes, tell him, “You need some iron, man.”
- Seeing all of the horses was scary at first, but everything kept stable since we didn’t stirrup any trouble.
- She was scared when she found a skeleton her boyfriend’s closet, but he was just trying tibia a little humerus. He really gets under her skin.
If you liked these enough, please share with others. My blog is feeling a little down and could use some share love. Thanks in advance!
Nothing like starting the day with puns, right? Even if they make you groan, they still put a smile on your face…….usually. At least it’s Friday, and that makes most people smile. Unless you’re reading this after it’s been publish, then I’d guess that it’s another part of the week that ends in y.
Whatever the time of day/week, I hope you enjoy this list of double entendres as much as I do.
Enjoy!
- I caught my kid sticking a key in a light socket and was so shocked that I grounded him. He’s not the brightest.
- The man got tired of making sandwiches, so he found a sub.
- They just opened a chophouse on top of skyscraper I heard the food is good, but the steaks are high.
- Eggs for breakfast are one of the top five cereal killers.
- Growing a garden is no big dill, all it takes is a little thyme and plants will cumin. Don’t let impatiens wilt this sage advice.
- Batman hates wearing jeans and a t-shirt, it’s just not his strong suit.
- Elsa knew she was in a hot mess when all of her assets were frozen.
- When he told his wife not to draw her eyebrows on so high, she looked surprised.
- I’m writing a book about the worst beers in the world. So far it’s just a bunch of rough drafts, I can’t take much lager.
- After his donut bakery burned down, the baker quit working. He was tired of the hole thing and now his business was toast.
- The computer wanted to chip in on a game of poker, but it ran out of cache.
- To get the most bang for your buck when celebrating a special occasion, fire works.
- I wanted to fly for my next trip, but could get a terminal illness at the airport and forget a flying carpet, that’s too rugged.
- The high ranking officer tripped over his own feet in front of the large crowd. It was a Major faux pas.
- She started dating the man after he backed into her car. They met by accident.
- Never trust a nail, they’re always getting hammered.
- Making butter leaves no margarine for error.
- Animals never die, they just carrion.
- The best sport to play with your ex is tennis since Love means nothing.
- Some birds don’t think it’s a aviary big concern, but others worry that Global Worming is a result of fowl play.
- She wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but couldn’t find the manual.
- I had to drink food coloring after losing a bet. Luckily, I’m not sick, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
- It’s hard to find leather workers, all they do is hide.
- The juggler is the toughest guy at the circus, he has the most balls.
I’m always thinking of puns using my surroundings or being inspired by other puns, which mean another random puns post is always a guarantee!
A month ago I shared my first Random List of Puns post. Although I didn’t see a flow of online traffic rushing to see my puns, at least I get to laugh at them again. Hey, there are plenty of worse sequels out there….
As always, I hope anyone reading these enjoy at least one pun. If you’re like me, going just seven days without a pun will make one weak. (eh, eh?)
- When a sheep is going in the wrong direction it makes a ewe turn.
- I just got back from the leech museum, it sucked.
- Flowers that wish to abstain from pollination should consider plant parenthood.
- The glue company failed quickly. The owner couldn’t adhere to his business plan and customers never became attached.
- The man who created a new hay baler retired early. He made a bundle.
- Most horses break up from lack of a stable relationship.
- I used to toss and turn in bed all night, but since I started listening to music, I’ve had a sound sleep.
- My friend said that feta is the best cheese, so I said he clearly didn’t know jack. Then he threw a lump of cheddar at me, not very mature. I asked if he curd go a-whey after that.
- Look out for triangles making bold claims, they’re usually wrong. It’ll be a clear sine if they are right.
- The latest craze is playing Scrabble on the road. At least that’s the word on the street.
- Cows don’t have feet because they lactose.
- She was interviewed to join an elite hair stylist group but never heard back. She didn’t make the cut, but kept a good attitude and brushed it off.
- My teacher kept bugging me to write a preposition, so I finally gave in.
- The baby bird had trouble learning to fly, so it decided to just wing it.
- I saw a novel about crime and asked the bookstore employee if it was any good. He said it has it’s prose and cons.
- A great way to help the environment is to cut down on deforestation.
- His candy cane collection must be worth a fortune. It’s all in mint condition.
- I bought a new book about infinity, it just goes on forever!
- When asked if he could help, the TV repairman nodded and said he just needs to get set to work.
Have a great weekend!
An at-home dad on a mission to keep it real when it comes to food, fun, and raising a healthy, happy family.