Tag Archives: deep thoughts

The Best Way to Celebrate Memorial Day

05/20/2019 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

Me·mo·ri·al Day

noun

noun: Memorial Day

a day on which those who died in active military service are remembered, traditionally observed on May 30 but now officially observed on the last Monday in May.

I wanted to share the definition of Memorial Day to make sure we all take a moment to remember those who died while serving our country. So please, before you fire up the grill and open a cold beer, pay your respects to these men and women.

Memorial Day is not to be confused with Veteran’s Day which celebrates all of our country’s veterans. Although I have never served, many of my friends and family have, and I am thankful for everything they have done. I’m also thankful for those currently serving and always will be!

A few years ago, for Memorial Day, I ran a 10k that honored our nation’s fallen heroes. This year, I’m not running a race, but I will still pay my full respects to those who died in battle.

I won’t try to act like I know all the ins and outs of how our nation formed into what it is today, because I don’t, but I know that many men and women put their life on the line to make it possible for me to sit here and write this in the comfort of my home. For that, and for everything else they have done, I am forever grateful.

Just taking a moment of silence to think about the hardships so many had to go through and how appreciative I am to be staring at two crazy (but cute) kids every day is the best way I can think of to celebrate today.

memorial day, humor, kids, parenting, fatherhood, motherhood — No, the finger is not intentional, she knows not what she does!

Matter of fact, I think that celebrating the heroic efforts of so many should be a daily thing. I know not every day can be a holiday, but we can still be thankful for what other’s have sacrificed, right?

There are many other things at work (like my dear wife) that enable me to stay home to raise our retirement plans (aka kids), but without those we are remembering today, none of it would be possible.

So as you gather with friends and family over good food and drink, please take a moment to appreciate more than just an extra day off work (if you get that) and think about things we have that truly matter….love, life, and freedom. Unless you’re surrounded by baby gates that block you just as much as it does them.

Happy Memorial Day!

Going Healthy, Life, Parenting

Routine Maintenance As A Stay-at-Home Parent

05/12/2016 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Search the web or ask other stay-at-home parents around you and one of the first bits of advice you’ll hear is “Find a routine!” This doesn’t just apply to at-home parents, of course, it’s absolutely vital for all parents.

As I moved away from my full-time job at the office into my new role as a stay-at-home dad, finding a routine was high on my list of priorities. It’s been two years now and I have been pretty good about sticking to a routine and not straying from my schedule. But, that doesn’t make it a good routine.

For one thing, this created havoc on my brain when the weekend rolled around and Going Mom was home. Of course I love my wife through and through, but I was thrown off and would find that I had trouble managing this for a while….a long while. Some days I’m not sure how she even put up with me, and some days she didn’t. I deserved it.

The weekends were bad enough, but going on a trip was even worse sometimes. Yeah, it was vacation, a time to cut loose and relax, but I had so much trouble enjoying the time because it simply was not my routine. There were other factors like finding acceptable food and whatnot, but getting out of my comfort zone (i.e. routine) was the big culprit.

I’d fight with myself saying to just enjoy time with friends and family, as that makes sense, but I’d still have trouble. As time passed, my stress management from daily, weekly, and monthly changes had me on an emotional rollercoaster. I made myself miserable.

If I couldn’t workout at the same time, go on walks at the same time for the same distance, cook meals for my family, vacuum the house, get Avery down for a nap at the same time, prepare dinner, and then kiss the girls goodnight as I sat up too late on the computer, there would be a stress bomb exploding in my head. All because this “sacred” routine was broken. As a result, I’d be cranky, snap at my wife or daughter for petty reasons, and simply no fun to be around.

I would talk to my wife about it every now and then, but never letting out all of my feelings. Finally, I broke down and let it all out telling her how everything got to me and how much I hated being like this but didn’t know what to do. Being the loving, caring, and pretty much always right wife that she is, she gave me an ultimatum.

Start meditating, doing yoga, or something to better manage my stress, or within three weeks, I would need actually seek help from a doctor about my stress. Whoa, doctors? No thanks, seeing enough of them for my shoulder as is, and I refuse to resort to prescription meds as a way to cover up the stress and anxiety.

We’ve had similar talks before where I said I needed to change, but they rarely lasted longer than a month. But this last time was different, and everything had built up more than ever, so I committed to make changes for the better.

I used to start my day by waking up right as Going Mom left for work. I’d then get Avery up and fed as I prepared dinner for the night and lunch for my wife to take to work the next day. Most of the time, I’d fail to get much food for myself, and then proceed to try and get in a workout with Avery in the garage. Trying to perform a set of heavy squats with a screaming toddler behind you is enough to drive monks up-the-wall-insane, which only further exacerbated my already high stress levels.

I’d finally eat after Avery went down for a nap and then plan on eating mostly late at night when everyone went to sleep. This meant staying up late and getting little sleep for myself. Thanks to my wife and the help of Shawn Stevenson’s book Sleep Smarter, I find the main cause of my routine stress; SLEEP.

Going Mom had a simple solution, try going to sleep earlier. Whoa, mind blowing! I’ve thought of doing it before, but held on so dearly to “my time” at night and just didn’t want to change. Well, I pushed my selfish thoughts off to give it a try.

Instead of staying up to stare at the computer for a couple hours at night, I went to sleep the same time as my wife. Here’s the kicker, I woke up earlier feeling better than before, had some tea/coffee, and got my workout in before Avery woke up. The fear of missing a workout is a big concern for me, so taking care of that right off the bat immediately puts me in a more relaxed state.

From there, I have a just enough time to prepare breakfast for Avery and myself before I get her up. Then we eat at the same time and have time after to actually do more without me stressing out so much. This has been going on for just over a week and I notice I feel much better/happier than I have in a long time.

Do I still get stressed? Of course, it’s completely normal to get stressed, in fact, it’s part of how we as humans have survived, but chronic stress can literally kill us. Not because of a saber tooth tiger, but from work, family issues, body image, traffic, etc.

Needless to say, making just one change in my routine has lead to having a more fulfilling day with my daughter and wife. I have plenty of minor details to work out, but sleeping earlier and smarter has solved the bulk of my issues. Having that stress-free time in the day to have genuine fun with my wife and daughter is something I will cherish forever.

routine, stress, happy, family, changes, stay-at-home

That’s what really matters. Missing a workout is no big deal, and I know it, so hopefully I’ll work on fully accepting it when that time comes knowing I’ll be able to jump right back on board soon again.

If you’re having trouble with your current routine, try and find the one thing that will lead to many more positive changes throughout the course of the day. For me, sleep was the big one, maybe it is for you too. Whatever the case, seek it out and change for the better. Trust me, you and your friends and family will be happy you did.

Life, Parenting

Coffee or Beer: What Would You Give Up?

05/30/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Does the thought of having to choose either coffee or beer and give up the other make you cringe? Or maybe it gives you the shakes…..or it’s sobering to think about!

It’s a question that enters my thoughts frequently, usually as I’m enjoying one or the other and wonder what others would choose.

For me, I will happily give up beer to keep that precious black liquid flowing, but beer would still be missed. I have been alcohol-free since before getting on antibiotics for my butt issue and haven’t found myself missing it that much. But coffee, oh man, coffee, would be dearly missed if I had to lay off.

Luckily, that’s not the case and I’m a happy camper drinking it daily. Knowing where I stand, I took to asking my fellow Dad Bloggers what they would choose. Now I see these guys posting their drinks of choice all the time and figured most of them would give up coffee in lieu of beer, but turns out, it’s about 50/50.

Well, from the 100+ that answered.

I gathered all of the comments, removed the names and time stamps, censored one, and left the rest as-is and figured I’d share them here. I meant to ask if they would give up alcohol in general, and I quickly realized my mistake. Without further adieu, here are the replies:

·        My first instinct was to keep beer, but sharing a cup of coffee with my wife in the quiet before the kids wake up is always something I look forward to.

·        I really enjoy beer but I enjoy coffee more. In saying that, I drink beer like once a month. Coffee is weekly.

·        I gave up coffee and haven’t had it in 15 years

·        I enjoy beer, but I really appreciate coffee. So, I’d give up beer.

·        I don’t drink aside from special occasions (christmas, etc) but I cannot function without coffee.

·        I’d keep coffee and give up beer because I don’t drink it. I must have coffee in my life.

·        I’m not a huge beer drinker. Now, if it were between whiskey and coffee, you’d have to pry them from my cold, dead hands.

·        I would keep coffee because I drink it more. But if we are going great for most beneficial, I probably should give up coffee because I drink it more. I have 1-2 beers every now and then, but I drink 4-6 cups of coffee a day.

·        See I enjoy fresh roasted properly brewed coffee so that happens for me once a week or once every two weeks when I get time. The only thing I take out of moderation is soda. I need to give up soda.

·        I still get Whiskey, right? Then beer. Beer for sure.

·        I don’t need beer to function…

·        I need to cut soda out again. Last time I did I lost 12lbs of water weight in 20 days.

·        I gave up soda for New Year’s and am glad I did. I’ve lost weight and feel better drinking water or the occasional glass of sweet tea.

·        I work nights and get up early with the kids, I need the coffee.

·        Since cutting out everything but coffee and water, I can’t hardly finish a beer anymore. Every time I want one I stop myself because I don’t want to waste half of it. haha

·        This was tough, but I suppose wine will always be there for me.

·        I couldn’t give up soda (primarily sugar-free Cola) I know its bad for me, but I have an addiction and its got me bad! Its the only substance that I’ve actually been properly addicted to

·        I’d give up beer before coffee. There are other ways to relax, but coffee gets me functional

·        I have mostly given up soda. I have a 1L Nalgene bottle with me everywhere

·        Beer makes me happy. Coffee keeps me sane. I’ll take sanity over happiness. And I will still drink bourbon.

·        Never had either. So, neither.

·        I’m a specialty coffee drinker and part of traveling is visiting specially coffee shops. So coffee is very intertwined into everyday life but also part of experiencing and understanding the different cities.

·        Although I love beer it’s the coffee atmosphere that I prefer.

·        What kind of question is this? Nobody wants to live in your $@#@% up world RC.

·        “Does whiskey count as beer?”

·        Why you making us think so hard in the AM?

·        You can have the beer.. I like my Jameson and my coffee..

·        I drink so little beer, and don’t really even like it that much much of the time. So, I’d keep my daily flavored creamer with a dash of coffee.

·        I like beer, and will have 1 or two a week… But coffee is something I drink 2 cups of daily. I can give up beer and only drink scotch as long as you keep the coffee flowing! I mention other great uses for the “mug of the week” which I should be posting later today if I can figure out how to post an audio file.

·        I can replace coffee with other caffeine sources and I can drink a coffee stout if I get to missing the taste.

·        I feel like I could find a suitable replacement for beer, but not for coffee.

·        Keep the coffee (and cannoli), leave the beer.

·        Beer is a much less common feature in my life than coffee.

·        I don’t drink coffee. I do drink beer.

·        I love beer, but coffee is necessary to function.

·        Coffee… because there is always other forms of alcohol.

·        I don’t drink either. I’m sure that’s gonna get me kicked out of Portland eventually.

·        As much as I love Beer… I can not give up coffee.

·        I’ll gladly give up coffee. And bacon. And Star Wars.

·        I went from drinking over a gallon of soda every day to none over the course of the last two weeks. I’ve been soda-free for four days. I may still have it when we go to a movie, but other than that it’s been plain water or flavored water.

·        I don’t drink coffee at all, a rarity for someone who works th r overnight shift, but I never developed a taste for it, and really don’t even like the smell if it.

·        I drink gallons of coffee so I would choose to keep it.

·        I don’t drink coffee at all, so if I gave up beer I’d get dehydrated

·        I wouldn’t have to give up anything. Beer is my savior.

·        The choice was kind of made for me since I needed to go gluten free. I’ve rarely had a gluten free beer in 3 years. Wine, on the other hand…

·        I like both, naturally, but I’d sooner give up on beer than I would give up on coffee. I can always have wine, whiskey, etc. etc.

·        I would give up beer in a heart beat. Not coffee.

·        I drink a good amount of both. Would give up coffee before beer. Tastes better and costs just as much or more.

·        Having been on coffee bans twice in my life, both times for a month, and knowing how I came close to killing everyone around me, I would struggle to give up coffee for good. It’s my only vice.

·        Coffee. But then I never drink the stuff.

·        I would give up beer.

·        LOL easy enough to do, I havent had any alcohol in over 10 years.

·        If you really want to polarize the group, offer giving up cocaine or hookers.

·        I’d keep hookers. Oh, wrong question. I would keep coffee because there is no substitute for it. I LOVE beer, but I love JD even more, so that would drown my sorrows re: beer.

·        Need coffee or can’t even wake up in the morning. Without beer, well at least there’s whiskey and wine.

·        Beer would go. There’s always whiskey.

·        I’d keep beer. Not a big coffee fan nor a fan of hot drinks. Only coffee I drink is iced coffee if it has some kind of flavoring in it, so it wouldn’t be that big a loss. For beer i’m a quality guy not a quantity guy. Also, how the hell does Tom aka Mr Tom’s House of Beer choose to keep coffee over beer?

·        Tom I know, I know. There are a lot of fantastic beers. I guess I could get my caffeine from elsewhere. I do love my beer

·        RC Liley Soooo, nice to see where so many of you stand. I wrote this question and then had a full day of not being on FB until now!

·        I should’ve said alcohol in general as scotch/other liquor is an obvious loophole, so-to-speak. I’m with the coffee keepers though

·        RC Liley One last thing, thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts! Love the coffee stout idea, that’s the way to go too!

·        If the question was rephrased to ask coffee or alcohol, then coffee is out. Gotta have my scotch!

·        RC Liley It would be a harder decision, but i’d stick with coffee still

·        Pierre Calzadilla Priority of food: Water -> Coffee -> All other things that enter mouth

I get that these are all dads/men, but figure the same holds true for the general population. Just a hunch.

What side of the fence are you on? Think about it as you’re most likely enjoying your weekend cup (or 3) of coffee today or as you’re gearing up for some good beer this evening.

I’ll leave you with this infographic depicting the effects of beer vs coffee to see if it helps you in your decision.