Tag Archives: divorce

3 Mistakes To Avoid During A Separation

02/10/2023 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

Separation from a spouse is an emotional period for anyone who has experienced it and usually precedes divorce. According to research, only 13% of separated couples reconcile and do not proceed to the divorce stage. However, if there is no hope of reconciliation, it is best to take certain precautions in order not to mar the impending proceedings. Below are some mistakes to avoid during separation.

Engaging in social media battles

One of the biggest mistakes people make during a separation is engaging in social media battles with their soon-to-be ex-partner. Posting hurtful or negative comments on social media platforms like Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram can only escalate the situation and make things worse. Already, emotions are high and such actions are inflammatory and unhealthy for all parties involved, especially when there are kids in the picture. Aside from harming your partner, engaging in social media battles can also negatively impact your mental health and well-being. Additionally, it can have legal implications if the content is considered defamatory.

Social media provides a platform for partners to air their grievances and post negative or hurtful comments about each other. However, escalating an already bad situation does nothing good for either party, as it can cause avoidable issues such as character assassination. As tempting as it may be to go onto these platforms to air your emotions, it’s best to avoid doing that. During this period, it’s prudent to listen to your divorce lawyer, especially when they caution you on the possible repercussions of such an action. If it helps, you can take a break from social media to help you get through that stage before coming back online. You can also seek emotional support from friends, family, or a professional therapist.

Resorting to self-destructive habits

It is natural to feel overwhelmed by emotions during a separation. However, it is important to be self-aware of your mental state. That will help you avoid self-destructive habits, such as excessive drinking, drug use, or risky sexual behavior. These actions often have serious consequences for your health and well-being and can harm your reputation and relationships. Instead, seek support from a reliable network that understands the situation and will walk you through the dark moments. It is better to handle your emotions healthily and constructively rather than resort to reactions you may later regret. Self-destructive behaviors can affect your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. If left unattended, they can become habits you cannot break without professional help. If you’re really struggling to come to terms with the end of your relationship, consider writing a separation agreement with your partner to develop a new relationship with them. Often, separated couples will still see each other for the sake of their children, so whilst your relationship is ending, this is your chance to agree a new kind of relationship with them. You can use a lawyer to write your Separation Agreement in Calgary (or wherever you are), which can help to make the process more amicable.

Making hasty or impulsive decisions

Separation can also be a time of financial stress, as partners almost always have to divide assets, pay legal fees, and adjust to living on a single income. It can be tempting to make hasty or impulsive decisions, such as selling assets or quitting your job, to get through the process as quickly as possible. However, these decisions can have serious and long-lasting consequences. That is why it is important to seek the advice of a financial advisor or attorney before making any major financial moves during the separation.

Admittedly, sticking to the above tips during separation can be challenging. However, you can consciously avoid these mistakes with patience and discipline to make your separation process less stressful.

Life, Lifestyle, Parenting

Prioritising Your Kids During a Breakup

11/27/2022 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

daddy, daughter, fatherhood, motherhood, divorce, separation

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Breakups are never ideal. We’d all love to live fairytale lifestyles where we stay with our partners and raise our kids in domestic bliss until they are adults. But this isn’t always the best option. Sometimes, we find that we are simply not compatible with our partners, or that our lifestyles don’t gel. We might find that one person betrays another. We might find that other issues arise. This is common and, nowadays, separation is by now means rare. What’s important to remember is that kids can have just as good an upbringing between two separate parents and this is often much preferable to being in a household that is full of arguments, tension and other issues. It is, however, absolutely essential that you prioritise your kids and their needs during any breakup. It can be tempting to focus on how you feel or how your partner feels, what you want versus what your partner wants. But you need to take care of your kids first and foremost. Here are a few ways that you can achieve this!

Make Clear Child Custody Agreements

The first thing you need to do is to make your child custody agreement clear and official. It’s all good and well having a word of mouth agreement, but then people can fail to stick to their parts without any personal repercussions. Kids need routine and stability and a clear, officially agreed custody agreement can help with this. You may need to take some time to really help yourself with understanding child custody and it’s generally advised that you and your partner work with a specialist lawyer, like Love Family Lawyers, to determine what is best for the kids. This can fall down to various factors such as where each parent is living, where the kids go to school, what each parent’s working hours are and more.

Explaining the Situation

You need to make sure that you and your partner are definitely breaking up. You need to make serious decisions, because back and forth can really confuse kids and make things harder for them. Of course, there could always be a chance of reuniting down the line. But you do need to make sure that your kids aren’t stuck in a whirlwind of you and your partner being together and breaking up constantly. When you break up, you need to tell your kids in a mature way that doesn’t drag the other parent. You need to make sure that you do this in an age appropriate way too. Telling a five year old needs to be approached in a different way to telling a teenager.

Don’t Trash Talk the Other Parent

As we’ve briefly highlight above, you need to make sure that you’re not speaking badly of the other parent to your children. Sure, you may be hurt by them, upset by them and more, but you shouldn’t dump this on your children, who aren’t emotionally mature enough to process it properly. This shouldn’t turn into a game of who can turn the kids against the other.

Hopefully, the steps above should help you on your journey to overcoming your relationship and making sure that your kids are prioritised through the process too!

Lifestyle, Parenting

10 Reasons Couples Opt for Divorce

06/17/2022 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

If there is one thing that isn’t easy, it’s marriage. You and your spouse promised to be together in sickness, in health and in everything in between and yet this isn’t always rainbows and butterflies. Marriage is work. It’s showing up every single day for the person you promised your life to and ensuring that you are working together to get those rainbows. Every time you find one, there will be a follow up of rain and storms to follow and for many couples, they are able to clear the rain and make the rainbow happen.

For others, it’s not always that easy and they never find those rainbows again. You expect that your partner will be with you by your side. You made vows to one another and that meant something to you both at one stage. The thing is, infidelity, a lack of communication and issues with money can all contribute and you end up searching online for how to serve papers for divorce – even if you didn’t think it would go that way. You may never have considered a divorce before, but if it’s been something that’s popped into your head from time to time, you should get to know all of the reasons couples choose to divorce. Below, we’ve put together the top reasons that couples cite when they are choosing to go down the road of divorce.

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Someone has been unfaithful. Being cheated on is painful. It’s a betrayal and it makes you feel as if you can’t trust anyone around you. It’s not the best thing to happen to anyone and when you seek something outside of your relationship instead of getting it from your spouse, you are betraying the vows you took. Infidelity is going to be a big reason to rip the family apart and it can leave long lasting scars on the person that has been cheated on. Being cheated on is a good reason to divorce, because nobody should stay in a marriage where they don’t feel respected. It doesn’t really matter the reasons behind the cheating, because even if one of you isn’t getting something from the other one, communication should have been the first port of call. If communication didn’t work, then that person should leave the marriage and ask for a divorce before any cheating infidelity could happen.
Money. Money may make the world go around, but it’s also something that can rip people apart. Money mixed with love isn’t easy and a common reason for divorce is that you are having money issues. Whether you are having issues with gambling or debts, or your partner is hiding money from you, there are issues with money that can lead to divorce. Everything from different spending habits to separate financial goals can cause a rift in your marriage and that can cause further issues down the line. As a partnership, you should be able to talk to one another about issues to do with money. If you’re not communicating with one another, any problems with money that are going to come up may not be resolved quick enough or delicately enough. Money can tear apart friendships, businesses, families. If you’re not careful, I could tell you apart, too.
You’re not communicating. For a marriage to work in the long term, you have to talk to one another. Everything that you do is about communication, from the conversations you have to the way that you touch each other. In a marriage, communication is crucial and you’re going to significantly impact your marriage in a positive way if you learn to communicate together. Trying out counseling is a good way to talk with a little help as counseling is going to help you to reach resolutions that you may not have come to on your own. When couples start talking to each other, they can start practicing mindful communication and stop making mistakes that hurt each other.
Arguments. Every single couple argues, but those relationship bickers aren’t the problem. Bickers can be resolved over time but when the arguments become incessant, you end up killing your relationship. Couples who have the same arguments over and over again do so because they don’t feel heard. Arguments are supposed to clear the air but when they don’t, they end up being the friction rub that rubs away that love and affection. Counseling can help, but eventually those who stop arguing are in the position where they stop because they know the other person won’t listen at all. This is a leading cause of divorce.
Physical changes. Believe it or not, many couples go through divorce because they lose physical attraction for the person they married. It sounds like something that shouldn’t happen – in sickness, in health, right? Well, weight gain is not an issue, it’s a symptom of a wider problem. Weight changes are a superficial reason to divorce but they are still reasons for people when they are asking for one. It’s not just the physical attraction issue; it’s the person they turn into when they gain significant amounts of weight or lose too much weight, too. When you marry somebody, the chances are life hasn’t changed you physically yet. If your partner has a baby, her body will change. If he has stress in his life, his hair will change. Ideally, you remember that you married each other for who you are, not what you look like. However, if you can’t get past the person they have become due to these physical changes, divorce is a smart decision.

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Unrealistic expectations. When you opt for marriage, you expect certain things from one another. You expect to rely on one another and you expect to be able to give to one another throughout your marriage. These expectations can be difficult and it’ll leave you feeling let down and unhappy. You don’t deserve to set each other up for failure so make sure that you talk this through with one another. Expectations are so important in a marriage, especially if you choose to have children one-day. Articulating your expectations before you sign on the dotted line and exchange vows is an intelligent thing to do, but if you didn’t do that, and you realize that your partner is not willing to live up to expectations that you have, separating may be your only option.
There’s just no intimacy left. If you don’t feel physically connected to your partner, it can ruin your marriage. Without intimacy, your marriage can end up with you feeling like you are living as roommates rather than lovers, and that’s not fun for anyone. If you are out of physical love with your partner you can try counseling and other ways to get that spark back. You can also discuss ways to bring that love back to the relationship. It was there once before and if you can work on your issues, it’ll be back again if you want it to be.
There’s a lack of equality. This is actually one of the leading reasons behind divorce, because if one of you is packed with resentment about the other, then that’s a reason for the relationship to break down. When one partner feels they take on more responsibility or they aren’t being treated fairly, the other will capture that resentment. This can be overcome, especially if you know you can make the right changes and act differently towards each other. You don’t need to feel like you’ve been shoved with the responsibilities in the marriage, and neither should your partner. Things have to be equal in a marriage for it to be worth fighting for and no one needs to deal with snowballing resentment here!
You’re just not ready. If you are opting for a divorce, you have to consider whether you were ready to be in a marriage in the first place. So many couples cite marrying too young as their reason for ending their marriage, and it makes sense. Some couples who make it work grow together, and others grow apart. If you got married too young you might decide that it’s a good reason for a divorce. You should always be prepared for such a big deal in life but it may not be until several years later that you realize that you got married in a fog of love.
Abuse. A good reason for divorce is that one part of the couple is being abused in some way. Abuse is a big deal and not feeling connected because of the way that you are treated is a smart reason to let the marriage go and try to move on. Being abused is something that you should be divorcing over so that you can avoid this happening going forward. Getting the right help is imperative to getting back on your feet.

Marriage is hard. If it turns out not to be for you, you are not tied to somebody for life. You should not compromise on what you want if your marriage is not working – so think carefully about divorce and whether it’s the option for you.