Tag Archives: funny

4th of July Brewery 5k and a Rainy Walk to Remember

Hopefully our 4th of July 5k won’t get rained out like the Mother’s Day race we were going to do this year. I planned on running a half-marathon, but since it was canceled, I ended up rowing the distance in our garage. Yeah, and that’s when the whole staph butt thing happened….

Moving on, I’m hoping for a good, non-rainy run for our 4th of July 5k. A 5k is great, it gets you up and moving for the day, but doesn’t take forever or zap all of your energy to do anything else the rest of the day. Of course, it is at our favorite craft brewery, Martin House, so if anything, it’s the beer that would zap me.

I don’t plan on having more than one drink, and that’s only because it’s good quality beer they are giving for free. Why wouldn’t I enjoy a glass after pounding the pavement for 3.2 miles? I don’t have a set goal, and my best time from way back when being under 18 minutes, so that’s not happening again. I’d like to keep it around 20 minutes if possible though. Last year I pushed Avery in a 5k and made first place with a time in the 19 minute mark, so it’s doable.

Placing 1st in our first race together!
Placing 1st in our first race together!

This will be the first race in my Soft Star Shoes which has me excited to see how they’ll perform. If it’s anything like my regular runs, they’ll be great! Maybe Avery will wear hers so we can be Soft Star Rock Stars!

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Going Mom refuses to let out anything about her goal time for the 5k thinking she’ll jinx herself or something. I get it, but I know she’ll do much better than she gives herself credit for. She’s make good use of our squat rack at least 2 times a week and knocks out heavy sets of dead lift and squats. The leg strength alone will prove useful as she races this weekend.

Thanks to my wonderful Mom, Avery won’t be subjected to sitting a stroller to get pushed in a race. This time, she gets to hang with G-Ma and watch from the sidelines to cheer us on. Judging from how she runs to her with open arms, I think Avery will be happy to have the company.

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Look for how we did in a post next week. I hope to share some good race times and to let you know that we had a good time.

Speaking of good times, we had a pretty crazy family walk the other evening. It was a typical hot day even as the sun was going down, and we set off like normal with Avery in the stroller. Side note: I always keep 35lbs of kettlebells in the stroller just to make it extra work for myself because, stubborn and strength.

We were relieved to have a big cloud cover the sun for us which meant not battling the bright light in Avery’s eyes and giving her extremely tan legs (from sitting in the stroller on sunny walks) a much needed break. Then a little wind picked up, and then a few fat rain drops started to fall.

Meanwhile, we kept walking and I was saying how refreshing and nice it was to walk in a little shower. Because, at that point, it really was nice. I love walking a light summer sprinkle of rain! But then it got heavier and heavier until we were sloshing in our sandals (Yeah, go us) with our clothes completely drenched.

Kelley mocked me for saying how I enjoyed walking a nice shower as we continued our walk watching the streets already accumulates mini rivers (commonly known as streams) of water. We were right in the middle of our walk, so turning around would be the same as continuing. And continue we did. We had a few neighbors standing in their garage watching the rain and looking at us like we were crazy. In retrospect, I don’t blame them!

As we turned a corner, we faced the heavy rain head-on as the wind whipped it into our face. This set Avery off and she began to cry in fear and probably pain. Despite having flip-flops on, we knew we needed to run to get back as fast as we could, so run we did. It was at this moment when I cursed myself for having those damn 35lbs of weights in the stroller.

Then we hit what I call “the big hill” part of our walk and I seriously questioned what the point of the weights were. Screw you, fitness, I don’t need this! It didn’t help that I started cracking up while trying to breathe when as I watched my wife practically doing a high knee run through a giant river of deep water. Seriously, the view was priceless.

We made it up the hill, increased our speed as the rain poured on and Avery wailed, and finally made it back to our garage/safe haven.

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Of course we took the obligatory crazy family picture afterward. Avery quickly calmed down, as you can see, with the help of a towel thanks to Going Mom. We both kissed her and asked for forgiveness too.

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And just to be really annoying, we took turns taking a picture with our drenched little girl. She was not that amused.

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Still cute as a button though. A really really really cute button! I pretended to hold her back out under the rain because, dad jokes, and she actually gave a little smile. But just a little pity smile.

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After our soaked family photo session was over, we went inside for dinner and laughed about a rainy walk we won’t forget any time soon.

Have you even been caught in the rain?

Do your kids love getting drenched in the rain or despise it? Avery loves the water, just not when it’s stinging rain in her face as she sits defenseless. Can’t blame her!

A Parent vs Toddler Standoff

So it’s come to this. We have stooped to the stubbornness level of our toddler and now have a standoff at least twice a day. It’s usually us asking her to pick something up, but she won’t budge and neither do we.

We both end up standing there waiting for the other to act, but nothing happens. Well, my wife or I will repeat ourselves more than any parenting book would recommend, and Avery will usually let out a series of whines and/or a cutesy “hi” with a cheesy grin.

Seeing as to how Kelley and I are both pretty stubborn already, and Avery is, well, a toddler which automatically equals stubborn, these standoffs can be quite time consuming. As a matter of fact, I was able to take pictures during one of our said standoffs and figured I’d go over how the event went down here.

The scene begins right after Avery dropped her almost finished green smoothie. Instead of picking it back up, she walked away to a corner in the kitchen despite my request to hand me the bottle.

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I ask her to pick it up again but only get that “I’m innocent” look.

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Going Mom and I have both been through this several times, so I knew it was going to be a while before one of us caved. I asked once more trying to keep a straight face as her turned all puppy-dog-eyes on me.

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Meanwhile…..

Ummm, can't someone at least just stand me up?
Ummm, can’t someone at least just stand me up?

5 minutes have passed at this point, but it felt like 30. I just kept busy with food prep and dishes for the day while she stubbornly stood in her favorite corner. Just as I was about to give in because we had plenty more to do that day, she walks over to the bottle.

I freeze, try to be nonchalant and keep away from the camera, but all she does is stand it up on the floor and step away.

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My relief that our standoff was over quickly turned into anguish as I realized she was going to continue dragging it on. Her smile said it all, “I won’t give in that easy, Dad!”

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It was on, there was no way in hell I would give in now! All chores could wait. Kelley just might come home from work hours later to see us staring at each other with the bottle still standing on the floor. I would win this standoff, dammit!

Several minutes slowly passed as I looked around for something else to do while asking her to pick up the bottle a few more times. My angst about how long this would last kept growing deeper, but finally a glimmer of hope emerged; she bent down to get the bottle!

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Was this the end of our impasse? Would the household chores and a workout actually get done? My anxiety eased up a little with each progressive move she made.

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Yes, contact! Keep going…..

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We have liftoff! I think even Avery felt relieved as she held the bottle high in celebration.

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I was about to hold my hand out for her to give me the bottle, but I guess all of that time in between made her thirsty.

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Ummm, Avery, can I have the bottle now? I’m pretty sure she was telling me to hold on a minute here.

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Finally, after finishing what was left, she relinquished the bottle and most importantly, our standoff. But she didn’t want to act happy about it…

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I took the bottle with a giant grin and praised her for doing good. I think that turned her mood into something better and she even gave herself a little round of applause.

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How can you be upset with that face for more than a minute? Not easy, I’ll tell you that much.

Although, this is only one of many occurrences that have happened and will happen, I guess it’s just a part of parenting.

Do you find you and your kids in standoff situations often?

What are some of the ways you deal with these trying times?

Bathroom Puns and No More Bottles!

Nothing like a few Friday bathroom puns to pass the time until you officially start the weekend, right?  Obviously, I could do more than just bathroom puns, but then I’d never get crap done. Ba-Zinga!!!

Wow, we’re off to a great start already! I’ll be sure to keep things moving to avoid a clogged brain. Butt first, I want to share what makes me so happy to say “goodbye”. We are done with bottles!

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As you can see, Avery was a little hesitant about putting them up, but I told her she has new sippy cups to use since she’s older. She asked to use a bottle just one more time, or maybe she was flipping me the bird…..

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Whatever she was saying or telling me, the bottles are gone now and I’m happy to put them behind me. Her last use of the bottle is documented on yesterdays Milk Life #MilkDrive campaign post. Which, by the way, would be totally cool of you to help our Southern team of dads out and donate for the great cause. I mean, I am giving you bathroom puns here. 🙂

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Yeah, please help families in need. Oh, and tell me where the bottles are hidden.

It seems like she should’ve been done with bottles already, but I think this is quite normal, especially for breastfed babies. Which, by the way, my awesome wife is still nursing like the rock star that she is! Now, about those diapers……

Ahhh, diapers, perfect segueway to bathroom puns; enjoy!

  • All of the toilets were stolen in the police station. Detectives have nothing to go on.
  • A man was having issues peeing and asked his doctor what it meant. “Urine trouble.” the doctor said.
  • Constipation is a pain in the ass.
  • My whole family has problems with diarrhea, it runs in our jeans.
  • Urinals are pretty tough, they take no crap!
  • You can never hear a pterodactyl urinate because its P is silent.
  • A house without a toilet? Seems uncanny.
  • Everyone had fun at the park, but after dropping my watch in the toilet, I had a crappy time.
  • The toilet was backed up from feeling crappy, but when I said it had beautiful porcelain skin , it was flushed.
  • Life as toilet paper has it’s ups and downs. You’re either on a roll or taking crap from some asshole.

True, some of these are corny, but I think a lot of us will agree that the cornier the better. Right? Anyone?

Well, I hope you don’t feel like this was a waste of your time. Enjoy your day and have a great weekend!

When did you get rid of the bottles for your kid or are you still using bottles?

Do you think it’s easier with or without the nippled containers?