Tag Archives: funny

Life

Stuck With Staph And I Need A Laugh

05/22/2015 R.C. Liley 4 Comments

Remember my staph butt issue from last week? Yeah, it’s getting better, butt (ha ha, never gets old!) it still hurts and has another 2 weeks of healing to go.

Or at least that’s how long I have to take antibiotics. What sucks, though, is that even after I’m done with the antibiotics, I still technically have staph. I guess it’s not all that uncommon, but I’m a registered carrier of the infectious bacteria. And, as confirmed by the doctor I saw last Tuesday, it’s Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA).

Not a big surprise as I’ve had it before when on vacation in Colorado back in 2011. I tried my damnedest to make the most of the trip and went out with Kelley to be as active as possible, but what I thought was just a painful nose pimple blew up into a massive MRSA infection that brought us to the local ER. Apparently if I waited longer it could’ve got into my brain and blah blah….it was bad.

Basically, I will always have the nasty and stubborn-to-treat version of staph inside me. I guess my nose is where it’s usually hanging out, so I better watch my ass and lay off the picking!

Speaking of ass, I can almost sit comfortably again, but still find myself shifting every 5 minutes. Luckily, I stand all day, I even use the island as my computer work area, so it’s only an issue at night. I’m thinking I won’t be doing any half-marathons on my indoor rower any time soon.

Hopefully this doesn’t mean Avery is a potential carrier, but we’ll keep on the lookout just to be safe.

If you read through this far, I’m sure you know more about the staph in my nose and butt than you’d ever care to, so how about a few puns to lighten things up? I could use a good laugh myself.

If you’ve been a reader for a while or just know me, you know I’m a fan of puns. Corny or not, I love’em, so here’s a few to enjoy or loathe as you see fit.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. He gets a lot of dirty looks and says,”Calm down, I’m not looking to start anything.”
I recently got a job at the office for national statistics, but I’m only there to make up the numbers.
I met a guy who lost all of his toes and he instantly annoyed me. Guess I’m lack-toes intolerant.
Did you hear about the kidnapping?!?!?! …. He was really tired.
Everyone tells me I’m a skeptic, but I don’t believe a word they say.
My wife said she’s leaving me because of my poker addiction. I think she’s bluffing.
I thought I could trust my acupuncturist, but then he stabbed me in the back.

Enjoy your Friday! I promise my next post will be better with a big focus on Avery.

Are you a carrier of staph?

Do you know if being a carrier means your kids are too?

How did you like the puns?

Life, Parenting

How About Five Puns For A Top Daddy Vote?

05/08/2015 R.C. Liley 4 Comments

Friday’s are awesome, and Friday’s with puns are ~~awesomer~~ full of even more awesomeness! So I have a deal for you, I’ll give you 5 puns and only ask for one thing in return; a vote on the Top Daddy Blogs website.

I’ll make it easy for you, just click the button below and BAM!, your vote is in and I sincerely thank you!

This button is also on my sidebar and at the end of every post, so if you are so inclined, I’d love it if you clicked it once a day or whenever you visit. Maybe I’ll have more puns lined up for the future in return. Deal? Please?

Now, we have to go off the honor system here, so I’m assuming that you have clicked the badge above or will soon if you scroll down for the puns. And, under this assumption, I deeply thank you and express my Top Daddy gratitude.

Although they are now my Top Daddy enemies, these dad bloggers are also asking for votes. Since I’m such a nice guy, here’s a link to their accounts on the website.

Mike Smith – Sunshine Dad

Gary Mathews – Skipah’s Realm

Kevin (aka Spike) Zelenka – Double Trouble Daddy

There are many other great dad bloggers on there, but these are the guys I communicate with most and they’re all cool enough to earn my vote!

1. When egoists meet for the first time, it’s always an “I” for an “I”.

2. How do you define a will? Hint: It’s a dead giveaway.

3. The little old woman who lived in a shoe needed money, so she sold her sole with no strings attached.

4. I have a photographic memory, it just never developed.

5. Poisoning America’s national bird would be ill-eagle.

Hey, I never said they’d be out of this world knee-slapping hilarious, but hopefully you got a chuckle out at least one of them! Don’t worry, as a pun-loving dad, there will be plenty more to come on this blog.

I’m not expecting to do a lot of blogging this weekend as I have 13.1 miles to prep for on Sunday, Mother’s Day, and then it’s spending time with my lovely Mother and wife…..Avery too!

Have a great Friday!

How did you like the puns?

Did you click the badge to vote for me? If so, THANKS!

Any plans for Mother’s Day?

Avery Talk, Going Reviews, Life, Parenting

Teaching Daddy How To Use the EGO Power Plus Mower

04/11/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Oh, hi there! I’m just enjoying the weather and prepping my, errr. I mean Daddy’s EGO Power Plus Lawn Mower to mow the lawn. As you can see, I’m properly dressed in non-matching yard work attire with my pink Ramblers from Soft Star Shoes. Thanks, dad……

Mommy and Daddy have been really busy lately and haven’t made time to learn how to use this fine piece of battery powered machinery. I’m not sure why they’re so busy, but something about watching The Walking Dad. I don’t know what’s so great about that, I walk with Dad every day and it’s nothing spectacular.

Anyway, I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to operate the EGO so I can explain it to Daddy. Turns out, this mower, while highly futuristic and cool looking, is quite simple to use. Not to mention just fun to look at it’s fine lines…..and buttons!

Obviously, the coolest button of them all is for the LED headlights! How many other push mowers have those? Seriously, I don’t know, I’m asking.

Daddy looked lost when I turned the lights on, so I had to show him a few times. First, they are off….

….and then, viola, you push this button and they’re on!

It doesn’t take a button scientist to figure that one out, geez, Dad!

Now that we have the lights figured out, all you need to do is simply push the 56-volt lithium ion battery, only the most powerful battery in the industry, into its compartment until it clicks securely in place.

With the handles unfolded, you take the key to…..what?….yes, that one, Dad.

Ahhh, just look at the provided instructions, Dad, they’re pictures so you should catch on rather quick.

Got it? Good. Once it’s running, just start pushing!

What? Seriously?! No, not over the pavement! Push it over to the grass, you know, the stuff lawn mowers cut.

See that green stuff, Dad? That’s the grass. Do I need to do the first run through for you?

Here, I’ll start since you look confused.

Your turn now. There you go, Dad, good job!

See, that only took 20 minutes for the front and back. Gotta love that 20 inch deck! Now, how about you push me on my tricycle with the extra time we have?

Phew, teaching parents is hard work! I might be exhausted, but I’m still cute.

Disclosure: The EGO team sent Daddy their powerful, battery powered, and 20% less noisy-than-gas mower to review free of charge. All thoughts and opinions express here are his (or my) own. I like the lights!