Tag Archives: funny

One Way James Bond Never Used a Laser

06/01/2014 R.C. Liley 1 Comment

Earlier this month, we were playing with Avery in the living room as it was nearing her bedtime, and, like most babies, she was getting fussy. But, instead of getting her ready for bed, we chose a different route….play time with a laser!

Don't move, you might scare it off! — Don’t move, you might scare it off!

Since that day, we have been able to buy ourselves a little extra time before Avery turns into a sleep deprived night demon with the special power of shrill screaming. As a bonus, our slightly overweight cat gets a nice workout chasing the blasted red dot across the floor. This, in turn, amuses Avery more than the laser alone and even makes her laugh the craziest and cutest sounding laugh we’ve heard yet.

Being the textbook first time parents we are, there’s always a video camera nearby, so we quickly captured Avery’s amusement as she watched Lou (our cat) chase the red dot. And of course I posted it on YouTube since to us, it’s worth showing the world!

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OO6hA4nhfB0&w=420&h=315]

I know using a laser pointer as cheap entertainment is far from a new trend, but imagine seeing something like this for the first time when you’re a baby. There’s already so many crazy things you’ve never seen, fat black cat included, that I’m convinced her high-pitched laugh is partly a result of not knowing what else to do.

Now that she’s seen it a few times, she doesn’t laugh as much as in the video, but it still keeps her engaged and most importantly, not crying. And that, my friends, is definitely one way James Bond has never used a laser!

Do you use laser pointers as entertainment for your kids? Pets?

Any other cheap entertainment tips/stories to share?

Life, Parenting

If My Baby Could Tweet and Use Hashtags

05/29/2014 R.C. Liley 5 Comments

It’s the coolest thing lately, using hashtags for everything! Every show has its name in hashtag at the top of the screen and people even talk in hashtag; me included.

I used to make fun of hashtag use and seriously got annoyed because I’ve always know it as a pound sign. Mainly because, IT IS!

When you get an automated voice on the phone, it doesn’t say “Please enter your password followed by the hashtag”. Not yet at least.

But, I have succumbed to its use and do it daily. #igiveup

See?

So I started to wonder what my 6 month old daughter, Avery, would say in hashtag if she knew how. And thus, my post was born! Here’s my attempt to put hashtag words in Avery’s mouth for some of our recent pictures.

Enjoy!

Dad called the hashtag a pound sign! #WTF

#SomebodyPayAttentionToMe

#Damn

And picture number 1,033 for the day….#StopDad

I’m still here. #PhotoBomber

Go ahead, cat, make the first move. #KittyCompetition

I didn’t actually mean for you to make a move! #GiveMeTheRedDot

I have to feed myself with this?! #BringBackBoob

Just doin what I do. #RaspberrySelfie

It stinks. #WhoFarted

It was me. #BroccoliMadeMe

What, another picture session? #DontLookDontLookDontLook

Those stupid waving fingers always get me. #Crap

I think I just have to fart…..oops. #ChangeMyDiaper

Not all toys are fun. #IMissTheRedDot

Yeah mom, I love the bow. #Ppthhhppthhhppththpptthh

Go ahead, ask me another question you already know I can’t answer. #BabyProblems

Now that I use hashtags on a daily basis, I get how useful they are for social media and business, but there will always be a part of me that questions how and why the ever originated. But, like most things with technology, you just have to go with the flow.

What are your thoughts on using hashtags?

Any personal stories?

Don’t you call it the pound sign?

Avery Talk, Parenting

How to Survive the First 5 Months of Your Life

04/12/2014 R.C. Liley 3 Comments

Well, hello there, earth newbs. Want to know how to make it through the first 5 months of your life?

If so, then I’ve got some important information you need to hear. Now, first things first; see this mouth? Listen to it!

I’ve learned a few things about those giant babies hovering around us like we depend on them or something. Little do they know, I’ve been pretty sneaky in my 5 months sans womb.

I mean, reaaalllly sneaky….

I’ve been pretending not to understand things, but I get it all….up to 5 months, that is. So, if you learn nothing else from me today, just remember one thing.

Most of you will mainly have two giant babies around you, one calls themselves “Mommy” and the other “Daddy”. Now look at my mouth……..your MUST remember these two.

Your mommy will probably hold you to the middle of her giant baby body in front of these two dark and odd-shaped pacifiers; just latch on and drink until your stomach feels better. Now, your daddy, he doesn’t do this….I know, confusing, right? Instead, he will usually hold you higher and only have one clear pacifier that is more uniform in shape. Just do the same, latch and drink. See, kinda like this….

And DON’T, I mean DON’T latch on like this…

Mommy just screams and daddy gets frustrated. Hmmm, or wait….unless you want to make them mad.

Yeah, in that case do that, but not very often, just enough to keep them confused and at your mercy. You see, what they are giving you is what keeps your tummy full and gives you more energy to cry. But it also makes you mess up your diaper.

But don’t worry, mommy and daddy will take it off and give you a nice and clean diaper. This will make you very happy!

Speaking of diapers, mommy and daddy call mine cloth and they’re always putting them in some basket and when it’s full. Once the basket is full, they put them in some loud machine and after a few hours, I see the same ones again! When I can, I always wait until right after they put a full basket in the machine to make a poop. Hmmmm, I wonder if they like that or not.

Oh well, just remember, latch on, drink, dirty your diaper, then cry so they know to change you. Trust me, you want them to change you! These little tips will help you grow and stay clean. Another important piece of advice is getting some sleep. Yep, when you are like this…

Only your eyes will be fully shut and you could be in a number of other positions. Plus, I’m not wrapped like a burrito but you most likely will be. The sooner you accept having your arms strapped down, the better off you’ll be. I accepted, for a while, and l usually slept well. Here’ me pretending to be happy when I had no control of my arms or legs.

And once you wake up, if your mommy and/or daddy are there, flash them a smile. It’ll get you places and they seem to like this.

Eat, sleep, poop, and pee; that’s basically what you do these first few months. I’m still figuring out the rest and will keep you updated as I go. Oh yeah, you might start what the big babies call “teething” which really hurts and makes you slobber more than you already do.

I find it helps to chew on my hands……like all the time. Just try it, it feels soooo good.

If you eat and sleep well, then you might be able to roll over on your own after a few months. You can find my thoughts about rolling over in another post.

So, follow my simple advice and you’re sure to survive your first five months of existence. Make sure to throw your parents a few curveballs by acting excited about something, and then like you could care less.