Tag Archives: funny

Life

Avery Got Bit by a Snake Because of Her Dad

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I just had to stop and look, didn’t I? Avery was having a good day today being all hunky dory and even sleeping good in her crib.

snake, april fool's, dad, humor, funny

With the nice weather gracing us with its presence, I decided to take Avery out for a run in the B.O.B.

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Things were swell, a nice breeze, a little cloud cover, and a great view of the lake.

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But, the crazy Canadian goose made an appearance and showed his (hers?) disapproval of us by hissing just like before.

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Feeling unwelcomed, I continued through our regular neighborhood loop hoping not to see the goose again. I got my wish, but we saw something else instead.

snake, april fool's, dad, humor, funny

I’m a reptile fanatic and can’t seem to ever mind my own business. I’m very keen on snakes and turtles in particular, so I had to stop and say hi to this guy.

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The first snake of the season just basking in the sun on the warm road. How could I not stop and check it out? But, when I stopped, this kind apparently likes to jump and strike. Crap, I’m an idiot.

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What kind of dad brings their baby in a stroller so close to a snake? Yep, yours truly. It struck and reached the tip of her right foot! Crying ensued after a very brief pause of terror on her face. I raced back home as quickly as possible with a face red from guilty embarrassment. I practically threw my poor daughter in a snake pit! Once home, I checked to see how the now eerily quiet Avery was holding out.

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Ummmmm, not good. I strapped her in the car seat and sped to the nearest Urgent Care. The wait wasn’t too long, but felt like an eternity. Luckily, the nurses found no signs of poisoning and the bite didn’t even draw blood. Phew!!!

Guess I never even checked for blood because I was so frantic. Today, I am Bad Dad #1 and guilt weighs heavy on my conscience! With a pretty bandage on her foot and a grim look on her face, we went back home. I feared telling Kelley the news and how my stupid curiosity caused the whole ordeal.

Kelley took the news better than I expected, but still gave me an earful. I’m surprised she’s still letting me keep my stay-at-home dad job after this one! So, moral of the story, don’t stop for snakes; especially not with your baby in a stroller!

I posted a picture of Avery’s snake below for all who care to see….

 

 

 

Avery_April Fool's

Life, Pinterest Picks

Going Dad’s Top Ten Pinterest Picks (1): That’s Punny

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Pinterest is addicting! I try to not click on a picture, but it looks so interesting and/or funny! Eventually, I give in and click. Two hours later and I’m sitting in the same spot wondering what in the world just happened.

Pinterest happened. It’s addicting, it’s uncontrollable, and I like it! Because of Pinterest, I now have a plethora of things to do with Avery for now and when she’s older. Educational, fun, and active; yep, they all fit what I look for.

Since there are too many “Pins” to share in one post, I am going to start a series of my top ten Pinterest Picks across several topics of interest. Today will be all about puns because they make me smile and well, what other reason do you need?

I hope you enjoy these and please be on the lookout for the next top ten Pinterest picks on activities to do with your baby!

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Make sure you read this in “Yoda talk”

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Parenting

What Parents Really Want When They Put You on Your Stomach

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Hello my baby buddies! Avery here, and I want to let you in on my most recent discovery about parents.

You know that really annoying time when your parents lay you on your stomach and give words of encouragement? I used to lay there screaming at the top of my lungs while they just sat there with expectant smiles on their faces and taking pictures.

Not my proudest moment.
Not my proudest moment.

What they were expecting, I had no clue………….. until now!

So, get this, they put you on your stomach to….stick with me here…..have you roll on your back! Yeah, seriously! Ummm, hello, mom and dad, if you want me on my back, just put me on my back! It doesn’t take a diaper scientist to figure that one out!

Since parents like to be so difficult, I say we make them work for it before finally giving in and rolling on your back. You see, my parents have been putting me on my stomach calling it “Tummy Time” since I was 2 weeks old. Like I don’t have enough on my mind just trying to figure out why I’m not in a nice, warm sauna anymore! If you want to keep them at your mercy, you have to play your blocks right.

For the first few occurrences, give them nothing. Nope, just go limp and look as if you were staring into deep space.

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After a while, to give them a shimmer of hope, lift your head and turn it some, but make sure you cry a lot! Also, don’t lift your head too long, they’ll just make you lay there longer and take a lot of pictures.

I hate that camera!
I hate that camera!

As you get older, you’ll have to throw your parents a rattle and do a little something more. For me, I suggest kinda rocking on your side while lifting your butt and moving your legs as if you can’t get traction. Do this for a while making sure you are still bawling like a baby. Never mind the fact that you ARE a baby…..

At this point, you’re probably several months old (4 for me), and have been laid on your tummy over a dozen times. I started hitting mommy and daddy at this point, just acting as if I didn’t know what my arms were doing. Try it, you’ll feel better. But, now’s the time to give them what they want since they do feed you after all!

Like you were doing previously, you need to start turning on to one side, doesn’t matter which, and hang there for a few seconds.

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 It’s just fun to do for dramatic effect and to watch your silly parents’ faces beaming in anticipation.

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To really make them suffer, try going back on your stomach as if it just isn’t happing…

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Then, once you’re ready, using the arm and leg you aren’t laying on, push yourself enough to roll over on your back!

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Perfect execution!
Perfect execution!

Give a little look of surprise as if you didn’t know what just happened. This will help to keep you from blowing your ignorant baby cover.

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That’s it, this whole time they’ve been putting you on your stomach all just to get you on your back. I don’t know….

If you need it, here’s a quick how-to video on rolling over. Note the fake crying to make them think you don’t know anything.
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQfCaurLCmE?rel=0]
Chances are, your parents are going to put you right back on your stomach just to watch you do this about 5 or 6 more times. Then, just be prepared for the same thing every day after that until the excitement wears off.

Sure, parents can be annoying and oblivious, but they do love us, so try and give them what they want like pooping, eating, and rolling on your back. Trust me, it’s worth it to see the look on their faces!