Tag Archives: funny

Toddler Talk: Nipples and Swimming

Our daughter is at the age where her toddler talk has us cracking up. constantly. I’m upset I didn’t start writing some of our conversations down earlier. Well, I did mention how well-versed she is with human anatomy already, but now it’s time to document some good ones in a post.

toddler talk, cute, kids, parenting, funny, humor

She’s giving Going Mom and I enough material to make several posts per day, but for now, I’ll stick to just once a week of something good. Maybe I’ll include more than once conversation on some, but today it’s just one quick discussion I had with Avery. And yes, it has to do with both nipples and swimming.

For context, I was in a hurry trying to make good on my promise that we’d go to the pool if she behaved at the store. Well, she behaved, but it was getting close to lunch before nap time. After going potty (her, not me), the conversation went like this…

Me: Okay, good job, Avery, now lets wash our hands and get ready for a quick swim.

Avery: Ooooo, I both pee and poop!

Me: Wow, you did, good job dear! Do you want to flush?

Avery: Yes!!  <—- it’s like a reward for her to get to flush

Me: *toilet flushing* Okay, now we need to wash our hands.

Avery and Me: Singing Itsy Bitsy Spider as we wash.

Me: Now, since this will be a quick swim, I’m not going to put your swim shirt on, okay? You can just be shirtless like daddy! <—-the thing is kinda of tight and she cries every time I work it over her head, so just not worth the trouble for 10 minutes of swimming.

Avery: Yes. We can have nipples!

Me: *laughing* Yes, dear, we can have nipples.

Avery: Daddy has hairy nipples.

Me: True, they are kind of hairy….

I went on to explain how guys usually have hair on the chest and belly. She said something about standing on her froggy stool and then we went for a quick swim. The result?

Swimming by herself_smiles

Yeah, she’s loving it. No one else is going to our neighborhood pool since it’s been cloudy outside and fairly cold, so we get it to ourselves every visit so far. She’s already swimming by herself with her floaties and you can tell how proud she is for the feat.

Do you document the funny things your kid says?

Care to share any?

How to Catch Your Mommy

Hi-Ya! Avery here.

how to catch your mommy, cute, toddler, funny, humor

Today I have a very important How to for my toddler compadres. It’s my secret on how to catch your mommy. It sounds easy on paper in text on the computer/tablet/phone screen, but those mommies can certainly be tricky to catch.

I’m sure you’re eager to learn the way of wise, me, so let’s get to it. First, and most importantly, you must lead them on as if they are going to catch you.

how to catch your mommy, cute, toddler, funny, humor

Make sure you go slow for your mommy so you don’t pull too far ahead too fast. Even a little taunting turn will help to keep her thinking she has you.

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But then go back straight and pick it up a little.

how to catch your mommy, cute, toddler, funny, humor

Find a dead end or barrier that requires you to stop, making your mom think it’s over for sure and she’ll have you in her grasp soon.

how to catch your mommy, cute, toddler, funny, humor

Right as she’s going in to sweep you off your feet, make a battle cry as you turn around to chase them down. They’ll quickly turn the other way in fear.

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Chances are, your scary battle cry will pump the adrenaline pretty high, giving your mommy super speed. Don’t let that derail you, she’ll slow down fast. Remember, you are faster!

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Soon, you’ll have your prey within reach and will have mommy contained in seconds. Just act quickly to grab and…oh, wait, this isn’t right.

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Okay, just go limp if they grab you instead. Trust me, I’ve done this bef…..noooo, how did she do that?!

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Everything is upside down, I have no control!

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It’s okay, just remain calm and wait for your moment to turn things around on mommy and hold her upside down.

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Crap, still waiting for the right time. Not finding it.

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Ummmm, soooooo, maybe this should be How Not to Catch Your Mommy. Maybe it’s the blood rushing to my head, but I’m feeling hopeless.

Well, my apprentice peer, let’s just forget this How to tutorial ever happened. We can revisit at a later date, when I’ve had time to think and recover my dignity. If you are successful in catching your mommy, please send me a text, I could use the pointers….obviously.

Anatomy Talk At Two and A Half Years Old

Today marks Avery’s two and a half year mark since entering our lives. Up until she turned two, I wrote a monthly memory post consisting of a number of memories correlating to the number of months she turned.

two and a half years old, memories, kids, toddler, funny

Although our wild tot gives us more than enough memories on a daily basis, I’ve strayed from trying to write them all out on the blog. Many are shared on my social media pages, but we simply can’t keep up with all of her words and actions!

That said, one thing has us cracking up lately, so I figured I’d share it here. At two and a half, she’s a non-stop chatter box who is talking about excavators being busy working one second, goes right into something about a cat the next second, and then says Daddy is eating with a spork. Which is true, I use a spork for all of my meals. It just makes sense!

But that’s not what I’m talking about, I’m talking about her already becoming versed in human anatomy. We don’t try to make up some fluffy foo-foo names for private parts, we just tell her what they are to avoid some extended explanations later in life. So now, without warning or being prompted, Avery will say out loud…

Mommy and Avery have vaginas, and daddy as oooonnnneeee penis.

This is usually followed with her repeating “penis” two or three more times. It happens at dinner, playing outside, or, naturally, in the bathroom.

We simply smile and tell her she’s right. Then she into singing the “Itsy Bitsy Spider” or just waving and saying “Hi Mommy, hi Daddy.”

Oh how far she’s come! We love her so much, and she gives us the best laughs and lots of love each and every day.

two and a half years old, memories, kids, toddler, funny

Avery, I hope we read these memory posts together as a family years from now and share the laughs all over again. We love you!

Are your tots good with knowing human anatomy, or were they when they were younger?