Tag Archives: how to

How NOT To Hold A Toddler

07/17/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

There are many ways on how to hold a toddler, and they shouldn’t be that hard. But, as my Uncle Preston will show you, there are ways on how NOT to hold a toddler as well.

Even before I was a walking, ~~talking~~ blabbering, and crazy toddler, my Uncle P just didn’t quite “get it” when it came to holding me as baby.

Another example…..

Okay, maybe when sitting down it’s not soooo bad, but still, he’s a little awkward about the whole thing. I’m your niece, your blood relative, just hold me normal! Seriously, as I have aged, I’ve been pushed to hold and chew on things from the stress he gives me when being held.

Think I like chewing on purple rubber wands that flash lights? Well yes, yes I do, but that’s besides the point!

Recently, when we spent the night at G-Ma’s for the 4th of July (and Mommy and Daddy just wouldn’t go to sleep!), I had the ~~luxury~~ torture of Uncle P’s awkward embrace.

Please, sense my sarcasm. I tried to hold it in, but my true feelings quickly appeared with my facial expression.

When holding a baby, maybe you can get away with this arm under butt facing out hold, but not now. Actually, how about never? Capeesh? Mark this down, toddler-holding-newbs, don’t do this!

From there, you might think lifting your curled arm up more into a cradle position is better. Cue the Jeopardy buzzer because YOU’RE WRONG!

This is partly my fault for being misleading with a slight, albeit forced, smile. But really I just liked grabbing his watch. So, again, put this holding position on your DO NOT DO list. Unless it’s a cat, that would be funny.

And whatever you try, NEVER try holding a toddler like they are a baby that needs to burp.

At this stage in life, we are perfectly capable of burping for ourselves, and farting too. I tend to enjoy a good fart and laugh at them quite often. As for diapers, please continue changing and cleaning me for now. Thank you.

Lucky for me, Daddy couldn’t stand to watch as Uncle Preston practiced his crappy holding skills on me, so he stepped in for a little toddler-holding tutorial.

Notice my head staring in fear at Uncle Preston’s hands. If you’re ever wondering if you’re doing it right, look for signs like this to know that you are NOT!

After the instruction, I was passed back to my far from confident Uncle for another try.

Fail! Obviously, I was ready to get out of his arms as he glanced at Daddy telling him he’s still doing it wrong. He basically just changed arms and used the same position as the first one I showed! I’m smart, nothing gets by me!

The ways not to hold a toddler are numerous, but these are some of the most common ones I’ve had to endure. Hopefully, to those of you reading this How Not To tutorial, you’ll find a better way before picking up a toddler near you.

Oh, and it’s probably best to make sure you actually know the toddler, otherwise, things could be worse than just an annoyed kid in your arms.

Do you have any family members who just can’t quite “grasp” how to hold your baby/toddler/kid/hopefully not teenager?

Avery Talk, Going Reviews, Life, Parenting

Teaching Daddy How To Use the EGO Power Plus Mower

04/11/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Oh, hi there! I’m just enjoying the weather and prepping my, errr. I mean Daddy’s EGO Power Plus Lawn Mower to mow the lawn. As you can see, I’m properly dressed in non-matching yard work attire with my pink Ramblers from Soft Star Shoes. Thanks, dad……

Mommy and Daddy have been really busy lately and haven’t made time to learn how to use this fine piece of battery powered machinery. I’m not sure why they’re so busy, but something about watching The Walking Dad. I don’t know what’s so great about that, I walk with Dad every day and it’s nothing spectacular.

Anyway, I’ve taken it upon myself to learn how to operate the EGO so I can explain it to Daddy. Turns out, this mower, while highly futuristic and cool looking, is quite simple to use. Not to mention just fun to look at it’s fine lines…..and buttons!

Obviously, the coolest button of them all is for the LED headlights! How many other push mowers have those? Seriously, I don’t know, I’m asking.

Daddy looked lost when I turned the lights on, so I had to show him a few times. First, they are off….

….and then, viola, you push this button and they’re on!

It doesn’t take a button scientist to figure that one out, geez, Dad!

Now that we have the lights figured out, all you need to do is simply push the 56-volt lithium ion battery, only the most powerful battery in the industry, into its compartment until it clicks securely in place.

With the handles unfolded, you take the key to…..what?….yes, that one, Dad.

Ahhh, just look at the provided instructions, Dad, they’re pictures so you should catch on rather quick.

Got it? Good. Once it’s running, just start pushing!

What? Seriously?! No, not over the pavement! Push it over to the grass, you know, the stuff lawn mowers cut.

See that green stuff, Dad? That’s the grass. Do I need to do the first run through for you?

Here, I’ll start since you look confused.

Your turn now. There you go, Dad, good job!

See, that only took 20 minutes for the front and back. Gotta love that 20 inch deck! Now, how about you push me on my tricycle with the extra time we have?

Phew, teaching parents is hard work! I might be exhausted, but I’m still cute.

Disclosure: The EGO team sent Daddy their powerful, battery powered, and 20% less noisy-than-gas mower to review free of charge. All thoughts and opinions express here are his (or my) own. I like the lights!

Avery Talk, Parenting

How to Remove Your Sock: A Toddler Pictorial

01/16/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Ahhh, c’mon, I know I put that thing in here somewhere!

This is preposterous! Socks don’t just “disappear” like when mommy or daddy have my nose!

What?

Oh, well hello there, fellow bambinos! Are you tired of your parents putting socks on you when you have a hard floor and you’re just learning to walk? Slip much? Geez, I sure do! So I made a quick tutorial on how to remove your ~~socks~~ sock.

Yeah, it would’ve been “socks”, but I already took one off and lost it in that box. Oops….not my proudest moment. I’m typically good about keeping track of things. For instance, my wooden duck walker and Catch Me Kitty are strategically placed behind me to make sure either mommy or daddy trips over here. It’s only fair if they put things on me that make fall, no?

All you need to know is how to take off one, and then you do the same with the other anyway. So, first thing you do is grab your sock-covered toes and start pulling up. Sometimes you have to pull hard and it might even stretch your leg more then you’d like.

Okay, by stretch I mean hurt, but we have to remain strong. No crying!

Crap, panic is setting in, this thing won’t budge! Just bare (ha ha, get it, “bare” as in bare feet?) with me, use both hands, and keep your composure. See? Like me with my face of fortitude!