Tag Archives: humor

The First Thing I Do Every Day as a Stay-At-Home Dad

02/07/2015 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

vacuum, cleaning, stay-at-home parent — Use me, don’t abuse me.

Yep, I vacuum, after peeing of course. What, were you expecting some inspirational or motivational task that maybe you could add to your routine?

Sorry if so, but vacuuming should be a part of any household with pets and kids scurrying across the floor. I’ll admit, I was hair-phobic long before we had Avery and would vacuum almost every day already. But now that I’m at home, I feel it my duty to prepare the floors for Avery to ~~crawl~~ run around without collecting gobs of cat or dog hair in the process.

Seeing a cluster of hair whisk across our wood floors sends my already elevated cortisol levels through the roof! To ease everyone’s panic (i.e. just mine) I’m quick to bust out the vacuum for that one cluster and rid the house of its evil.

And then, even if I had just vacuumed, I might as well keep going “just in case” to make sure we’re safe. That is, until the cat comes out for food or our dog wags her tail.

I’m currently averaging a full vacuum twice a day with one first thing in the morning and another mid-afternoon. I don’t “get” to vacuum as much on the weekends because my wife yells at me for being too obsessive. What? Me, OCD? Nahhhhh. Okay, Yahhhhh.

Admittedly, the second one is partly for the crumbs I dropped while cooking meals for all of us and from Avery spitting her food out. Sometimes, pretending she’s a kitty doesn’t even get her to keep the food in her mouth!

No Dad, how about YOU be the kitty this time.

Either way, one of the animals, real or pretend, create a need for me vacuum a second (sometimes even a third or fourth) time for the day. I can’t pinpoint exactly when my aversion to pet hair started since we used to have a husky named Rocky who would sit on the couch with us and I was just fine. Loved that dog……and our cat, Gus.

I think it began around the same time I started getting really into healthy food choices and cooking more instead of going out to eat. Handling food more often means I need to keep my hands clean and free of hair, so it only seems logical. At least to me it does.

Anyway, most mornings I start my day with a nice run of the vacuum to capture loose hair, litter, food, and whatever else lays in the path of the almighty vacuum!

After that, Avery has a wonderfully clean floor (yeah right) to run around on as I go about doing my second (and third and fifth) thing I do every day; cook. The fourth being exercise, duh.

Do you have a daily routine/habit/OCD tendency?

How do you feel about pet hair? My mom (G-Ma) and Kelley are just fine with it, so I’m alone with this aversion around here.

Avery Talk, Going Strong, NuttZo

Kettlebell Training for Toddlers

02/06/2015 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

Hey there, fellow Toddler cohorts! Walking yet?

No worries if you’re not there yet, it took me longer than expected too. At least Mommy and Daddy seem to think so. Whatevs. Remember how I revealed my resolution for 2015 was to master the kettlebell? I’ve been practicing and even have my very own now.

I like it much better than Daddy’s since I can actually lift this one, plus it’s more colorful with a pretty blue handle and red base. See?

Now that I have my own, I figured I’d share a couple quick kettlebell moves you can use to start exercising with your Mommy and Daddy. Or, maybe you can help them kick any bad habits and teach them a thing or two about training. Like drinking, have them knock it out or threaten to do it for them. Like this….

There, problem solved. Let them know they can buy a new kettlebell with the money they save from not drinking, or at least skipping the next purchase. Toddler Tip: Parents seem to really like their drinks, so only use this approach as a last resort. Back to the training; use the grooves on the handle to align your fingers for a good, firm grip like so.

Then stand up making sure you keep good form throughout.

Now, from a standing posit…..ahhh, blasted teething, must chew something quick! Hummmmmm, nom, nom….

Holy diaper rash, the pain just comes out of nowhere! Anyway, holding your kettlebell by the handle, begin a swinging motion by……Gahhhh, not again!! Lets take a quick break.

Okay, had to leave the gym/our garage and go inside to let the pain subside. The benefit to kettlebell training is that you can do it inside or out, making it perfect when the weather is like my morning diaper….crappy. C’mon, you other tots know what I’m talking about. Eh?

Picking up where we left off, hold your kettlebell and ahh, aaHHHH….seriously?! How many teeth are in there? This is worse than…..well, I don’t have much to compare to yet, but it hurts! For those of you going through the same thing, forget swinging, just do this with your kettlebell.

No hands! Yeah, I’ve been practicing for a while now, so don’t feel bad if you aren’t advanced enough for the kettlebell mouth swing. Well, my training is not going as planned today, so just try closing your eyes, grabbing your kettlebell, and running/swinging blindly.

Hey, it gets the heart going and just feels good sometimes.

*Next Day*

Hi again……it was a long night full of what Mommy and Daddy call ducking teething. I have no clue what ducking has to do with it, but my mouth sure does hurt.

Before “it” happens again, let me just show you the basic kettlebell swing. Yesterday, after my ducking teething, Daddy showed me how to do it right.

I took plenty of notes, and can give you the key things to remember for a proper swing. Standing with you feet at least shoulder-width apart, hold your kettlebell with both hands and swing it between your legs back up to eye level. That’s one rep/swing.

Some versions have you bringing it over your head, that’s the American style, but we tend to do the Russian swing in our house. That might change after I just knocked that vodka bottle over though! Oops.

One last thing, when you’re training at high intensities with the kettlebell, you’re going to have an increased appetite. Make sure you feed your body quality nutrients to help it grow strong and fuel your workouts to allow you to perform. Along with plenty of fresh veggies, Daddy always has a delicous NuttZo creation to feed me and I can already tell I’m ready for a heavier kettlebell!

Oh, and one more last thing, for real this time; you can save 15% off your total NuttZo order by using code liley15 at checkout on their website. Since us toddlers don’t have a credit card, make sure to put on your best cheese-face and get your parents to order now!

Avery Talk, Parenting

How to Remove Your Sock: A Toddler Pictorial

01/16/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Ahhh, c’mon, I know I put that thing in here somewhere!

This is preposterous! Socks don’t just “disappear” like when mommy or daddy have my nose!

What?

Oh, well hello there, fellow bambinos! Are you tired of your parents putting socks on you when you have a hard floor and you’re just learning to walk? Slip much? Geez, I sure do! So I made a quick tutorial on how to remove your ~~socks~~ sock.

Yeah, it would’ve been “socks”, but I already took one off and lost it in that box. Oops….not my proudest moment. I’m typically good about keeping track of things. For instance, my wooden duck walker and Catch Me Kitty are strategically placed behind me to make sure either mommy or daddy trips over here. It’s only fair if they put things on me that make fall, no?

All you need to know is how to take off one, and then you do the same with the other anyway. So, first thing you do is grab your sock-covered toes and start pulling up. Sometimes you have to pull hard and it might even stretch your leg more then you’d like.

Okay, by stretch I mean hurt, but we have to remain strong. No crying!

Crap, panic is setting in, this thing won’t budge! Just bare (ha ha, get it, “bare” as in bare feet?) with me, use both hands, and keep your composure. See? Like me with my face of fortitude!