Tag Archives: humor

What Kind of Pet is Your Kid?

Does your kid pretend to be a certain pet/animal or do they convey a pet-like quality by choice or unintentionally? When raising our children, most of us go through the common pet commands like “No”, “Sit”, “Stay”, and “Don’t eat that!”, which means we are at least partly at fault for this use of imagination.

Is it wrong? I don’t think so. When I was a kid I used to steal and eat our dogs’ Milk Bones, after waving it in their face, of course. In retrospect, I’m lucky I still have a face since we had a doberman. And I loved when my mom would set out a bowl of water for me to lap up just like a real boy puppy! C’mon, I know there are others out there who did the same if not worse.

When Avery was only a few months old, Going Mom and I decided she sounded like a Pterodactyl when she hunched forward. It was cute, and for whatever reason,  a Pterodactyl was the first thing that came to mind. If dinosaurs were still around, I’m positive they’d be suitable as pets, right? Just imagine, that’d be a ginormous bird cage! Maybe they would replace parrots on a pirate’s shoulder…..

Food for my ptero-babies!

Or maybe not.

Sorry, I was drifting off trying to imagine a pterodactyl perched on a pirate as he sailed overseas. Cool visual, huh? Just me? Damn.

Anywho, Avery no longer expresses pterodactyl-like qualities but acts more like a kitty nowadays. As I mentioned before, us parents are at least a little at fault, and this is where I’ll take most of the blame.

Avery has been making squeaky sounds every time she sees our fat black cat, Lou (we call him Fatty), and she’s become quite intrigued by the fat feline.

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Hi, I’m Fa…I mean Lou

One day, after spitting out a spinach omelette I cooked for her, I asked her to be a good kitty and eat her “kitty food”. Lo and behold, she perked up, made a squeak (how a kitty sounds, apparently), and gladly ate the green-egged concoction I created. Score!

Since then I’ve been using the kitty trick (is it really a trick?) to get her to eat the more savory items I make.

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Being a good kitty.

She normally enjoys the food I cook, but some of the initial bites take some kitty work, so pretending our daughter is a kitty has proved quite helpful and cute as well!

Of course I had to share it with the world on Instagram….

I may have posted several takes, but it’s hard to resist!

I’m not sure how long Avery will let us use her being a kitty as a way to eat her food, but it’s nice not picking up so much food from the floor, and we’ll use it as long as possible.

I asked the Dad Bloggers group I’m a member of on Facebook and all of the responses had dads saying their kids act as some sort of pet/animal, or did at one time. One dad said all of his kids pretend to be some sort of animal, but his 4 year old has now moved on to her favorite band members. Hey, whatever works, right?

Other dads said their kids pretend to be anything ranging from a frilled lizard, a giant tortoise (love it!), and of course a dog, which the dad said he hates since they play the biting roll all too real. Ouch!

One of the dads even wrote on his blog, Daughter of the Beard, titled “The Hunger Games” about how they play a game pretending various animals are trying to steal his daughter’s food. Here’s part of his post explaining the game he plays with his daughter to get her to eat better:

BUT! We have a game. We have a game that works almost every time. All we have to do… is encourage her to steal and lie! You read that right, and I’m not sure how I feel about it either.

Here is how it works: First we put some food from her plate on her fork and say, “Phia, I think I’d like to eat this bite so keep an eye on it and make sure no one else eats it!” and then we turn our head to look at something else; she immediately STEALS the bite and eats it; she then taps the person on the shoulder and points to the empty fork and they say, “What!? Who ate my bite?”; then she will LIE and blame it on either someone else at the table or on some mythical squirrel/bear/bird etc… that did it. This repeats and escalates in incredulous disbelief at the disappearing bites until all the food is gone!

Tell me, what animals do your kids pretend to be? If they are grown, did they used to pretend?

Share your stories below, I’d love to hear.

My Resolution Success and Failure Before the New Year: A Mohawk

Have you ever had or do you currently have a mohawk haircut? It’s something I’ve always wondered how it would look on me, so I decided to attempt cutting my own hair to see what it would look like.

When I went to get my haircut, the hairdresser refused to do it since she figured my wife would hate it (probably true), and now that Going Mom cuts my hair (except this time), she too refuses to grant my haircut wish. Guess the hairdresser has seen this from other married men in the past!

For the New Year, I decided one of my resolutions would be to have a mohawk and finally see how my large head would appear sporting the look of a Native American warrior!

First, take a look at my main motivation for wanting to cut my hair; bedhead.

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No, no, wait, let me show you my “El Confidant” look…

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…or lack thereof.

As Avery sat patiently ran all around her gated area throwing everything in site and screaming, I figured now would be the best time to make a first attempt at cutting my hair.

I setup in our living room for Avery to watch and had my cape, vacuum, cardboard box, and shears ready. *Buzzzzzzzzz* And off with my head hair!

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Gaaahhhhh! WTF did I just do?!

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Geeehhhhh, nothing good, that’s what!

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And the most annoying part about my “longer” hair is how it goes over my ears. I still couldn’t manage to get that right!

After getting a big raspberry thumbs down from Avery, I ended my minute of mohawkdom and buzzed it all off.

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Yeah, that’s better. Finally, I got the hair over my ears too!

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Not bad for a novice, huh? Unless you count the mohawk, which I’m not!

And with that, I succeeded and failed at my New Year’s resolution before it even arrived!

Have you ever jumped the gun on a resolution and failed before the new year?

How do you like the haircut?

 

How to “Walk the Walk” As A Baby

Hmmm, daddy’s shoe is pretty cool, I wonder if I want to take it….

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Oh, hello there, baby peers. Have you started walking yet?

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That’s cool if you haven’t, but you’re really missing out. I just started and I’m already working on my dance moves.

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Remember when I talked about surviving the first 5 months of your life? Or when I shared my thoughts as a crawling baby? Well, that was cool and all, but I’m obviously past all of that “child’s play”.

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And it’s freakin’ awesome…..Haaayyyyyy!

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Okay, just had to get that out of the way. I’m done.

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Just kidding, one more time!! Heeyyy…..Oooohhhh!!

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Seriously, I’m done now.

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Now that we’ve established I can walk *cough* and dance *cough*, I’ve noticed an increase in my ability to get what I want and figured I share a few of them with you other, less advanced, babies. I’ve even been taking notes in my cool book to remember all of my new findings.

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First off, as a walker, you can reach things you never could when you were floor-bound. Speaking of, I’m a little hungry, let me just grab something from the fridge. Oooo, I see a nice jar of NuttZo calling my name!

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It’s okay, daddy bought it, but it’s mine because I said so. I even had him make me some tasty Pumpkin NuttZo Oatmeal Bread like this.

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Since I’m high-maintenance, I care for sugar laden food in my diet, so I make sure he only sweetens with high quality stevia like Pyure Sweet. Another tasty dish daddy made is this chocolate black bean puree with NuttZo and Pyure Sweet mixed in.

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Before I eat, I need to take my shirt off so I don’t get it messed up.

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It’s my choice, I swear, I like to keep my clothes clean! C’mon, dad, I’m trying to give advice here, hurry with food!

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Ahhh, seriously?! Can’t you just get one good spoonful in my mouth? This is annoying and embarrassing when I’m trying to talk here! We’re done, put it up, dad, I’m leaving.

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See, when you’re walking, you can be more upfront and demanding. Plus, if you don’t like how something is being done, now you have more options in expressing your disdain. For example, since daddy sucked at getting the food in my mouth, I’m going to move this stool in front of the fridge.

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Yep, that’ll show him. And I still have my shirt off even though I’m a girl. Like I said, whatever I want, I do! Grrrrr!

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I am also learning to take matters into my own hands. If I am trying to play and find that something around me stinks, I make a point to find the source.

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Obviously, if you’re smart like me, you go to the trash first.

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But nope, can’t find anything there. Maybe under the rug?

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Negative. I hate to admit it, but I’m a little stumped.

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This is a good time to bring up another pointer; when you begin to question whether you have what it takes to rule the house, go find something and pick it up.

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The bigger the better, and try walking it with it if you can.

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If you’re as good at ruling as I am, go for a one-hander and make sure mommy and daddy sees you in all of your glory!

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Uhhh, crap, I think that just helped me find the source of the stench from earlier. It’s in my diaper. Which bring me to another thing I’ve picked up on………I can take my diaper off whenever I want!

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If I’m in the kitchen and feel like pulling it off, well, I’m gonna do just that! Mommy and daddy reallllly don’t like this, so I do it more. For some reason, when my diaper is smelly and I take it off, that means I have to take a bath. I don’t understand exactly, but I like baths anyway.

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Even if I’m enjoying the bath, I keep my parents in check by showing them what happens if they make me mad.

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What? You think I’m kidding?

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I NEVER kid!

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One time, daddy was being annoying with the camera….

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I told him to stop or I’d eat the turtle’s (his favorite animal) head.

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When I heard the camera shutter after I warned him, I showed him I was serious!

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Then I slowly started walking (because I can do that now) closer to him to show the now headless turtle. But….

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Surprise, I never bit the head off!

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You might think I chickened out, but in reality, my reasoning is two-fold. Smiling and pretending to be cute makes your parents forget all bad that you have done, and I enjoy the tasty food they hand me.

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Because, without the food, I resort to my sleeve, and that just doesn’t taste as good.

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In sum, as a walking baby, you have to make freedom for yourself. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself stuck in your crib with a stuffed bear all day.

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So heed my advice, babies, or suffer the consequences. You have been warned!

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