Tag Archives: humor

“Dear Cold” – A Letter from my Baby

08/12/2014 R.C. Liley 8 Comments

Dear Cold,

It’s me, Avery, the one you’ve been inhabiting for over a week now. Your time here is done, now LEAVE! I keep trying get over it and enjoy myself…..

….but you just take the fun out of everything!

No matter how hard I try, all I want to do is sleep.

Even when mommy and daddy are playing with me, I just cry because you make me feel miserable.

Or it’s because daddy use that snot sucker on me and I’m pretty sure part of my brain is missing. Just to make him feel bad, I pretend not to notice him even if he’s holding me.

Since she’s an accomplice to the snot sucking, I give mom the same treatment and just stare for pictures as if I’m a deer in headlights.

I don’t like doing this, Cold, but you’ve driven me to my crazy antics. The bow could be part of the reason, but I know it’s you that’s turning me a little crazy and making me grit my 4 teeth in an under-bite fashion.

Sometimes, I’ll stand at my desk and contemplate how I can get rid of you myself, or at least hide that snot sucker.

When mommy and daddy distract me in my thoughts, I have to flash a pseudo-smile so they don’t suspect anything from their “cute little girl.”

It’s not easy, but I’ve become pretty good at that “being cute” thing. Yep, even with your ailing ways, I know how to hide it well. See?

But, you have been overwhelming my body, and even my greatest smiling attempts are being thwarted with your snot running out of my nostrils.

Here, need a better view of what you’re doing to me?

Ahhh, how I long for the day when I can go back outside and play…..

Oh yeah, that has nothing to do with you, Cold, I’m just daydreaming of when I’ll be able to walk and play like the other kids in my neighborhood. I can just feel the heat of the sun beaming down on me as I use my own legs to venture around outside. Oh, or maybe it’s the heat on this window…..ouch!

Well, until then, I’ll keep my spirits high, runny nose and all, until I successfully rid you from my body! After all, I can still play inside. Like in the kitchen where I hang out by the oven where daddy likes to stand most.

And I’ll literally hang out on the freezer. Another place daddy likes to be; sorry dad. Aren’t I cute though?

In order to get rid of you faster, I’ll make sure to drink plenty of mommy’s milk, the best stuff for us babies! I’ll even enjoy my steamed veggies knowing they are giving my body plenty of nutrients to fight you and your snot-inducing ways.

Trust me, you don’t want to f……fuss with me!

So, Cold, if you don’t want to leave easily, prepare yourself for a brawl. Just know that, I’m one tough baby, and you’ll be sorry in the end. Grrrrr!

Yours NOT Truly,

Avery

Pinterest Picks

Going Dad’s Top Ten Pinterest Picks (9): Random Humor for the Systematic Life

08/11/2014 R.C. Liley 3 Comments

Sometimes, okay, a lot of times, we all need a good, hearty laugh. Really, we should all laugh more throughout the day every day. Smiling and laughing release “feel good” hormones that actually decrease stress, and even forcing a smile has been proven to lower stress levels!

To all parents, including myself, consider this news you can use and force that grin!

Me reducing stress.... — Me reducing stress….

Seriously, try it out when you’re feeling stressed; just stop and force a smile. It actually works! What also works is Pinterest and the infinite posts of memes, quotes, pictures, and more of hilarious content.

For no particular reason, I recently felt the weight of stress bearing down on me and sought refuge in Pinterest. Guess what? It worked! And then it kept on working for way too long; that site is addicting!

Anyway, figured all of us could use a little laughing medicine to start another week off on the right…..errr, emotions. Enjoy these random Pinterest posts of humor to assist in an otherwise systematic week ahead!

1. Something Going Mom and I deal with daily.

2. Maybe it’s for swim lessons? Or maybe the duck was tired of them riding her tail feathers!

3. One bad bird…

4. I could do a whole post on Grumpy Cat memes….hmmmm

5. It may not be with dinosaurs, but we’re doing this to Avery some day for sure!

6. So many good cat memes!

7. They had one job…

8. This is all I’ll ever think of when I see these stickers now.

9. Had to have some puns in here, since I obviously love them all!

10. Kinda funny, sad, and true all at once.

That only took me half the day to put these together since I kept getting sidetracked. Damn you, Pinterest!

Anyway, enjoy your Monday and this week!

Any plans for the week ahead? Avery is turning 9 months on the 15, and G-Ma will be watching her the entire weekend as Kelley and I celebrate our 7th anniversary at Embassy Suites. We’re just a little excited. I’ll fill you in soon!

Life, Parenting

10 Things Babywearing Dads Shouldn’t Say to a Teething Baby in the Bathroom

07/24/2014 R.C. Liley 1 Comment

Since my first post about 10 Things Baby Wearing Dads Should Never Say in a Public Restroom, I guess I haven’t learned my lesson. Although I don’t say the 10 things I listed then, I still catch myself talking to Avery in the public bathroom and saying things that might raise an eyebrow or two.

It’s been close to 4 months since that post, which means a lot has changed with our baby. One of the changes being her teeth coming in. As of now, she has her top and bottom two front teeth working their way out, and she lets us know about them multiple times a day. Any parent, I’m sure, knows……it’s “fun”. Please, since my sarcasm.

How do you not say something to those teeth?

Her teething has been going on for a few weeks now, and we are still going to the store where I still have to urinate frequently due to my massive caffeine consumption. No matter how much I tell myself to just keep quite while wearing my daughter at the urinal, I can’t stand the silence, so I break it by making some sort of statement to the sweet girl hanging in front of me.

Wouldn’t you know, the moment I open my mouth and say something, I regret having said it right then and there. Obviously, others are sharing the public restroom, so why do I do this so much?

I can’t think of a good reason, but it happens, and once again I’ve collected 10 of the things I have actually said and want to share with other babywearing dads now. Ladies, I’m not trying to omit you, but I’m only speaking from my own experience, and I also have trouble visualizing how a women can use the restroom and wear her baby, so please forgive me.

I can see it poking through.
You look so different now.
I know it hurts now, but you’ll feel better once it pushes through.
Here, chew on this.
Wow, that’s a lot of drool!
I cold cloth would be really useful right now.
It could take 2 years before you’re finished.
Remember, it’s not nice to use those on mommy.
I wish they’d all come at once so we could get this over with.
Oh, I need to take a picture of that one!

Yeah, maybe I should print these out and laminate them on a card to study from now on. But, I probably won’t do that, because as our daughter continues to change, so will the things I say to her in and out of the bathroom.

Sometimes I wish I made this stuff up. That would save my face from turning red with embarrassment after saying one of the above and having someone quickly walk out of a stall and then the bathroom without washing their hands. Oh well, it happens (right?), and I’m able to look back and laugh now.

Avery still has plenty of teeth to come in, so who knows what I’ll say next?

Can you think of things you’ve said to your teething baby that wouldn’t sound right to another person in the restroom? Has this happened to you before?

An at-home dad on a mission to keep it real when it comes to food, fun, and raising a healthy, happy family.