Tag Archives: humor

In the Mind of a Crawling Baby: The Beginning

So close, if only there was a way to get closer…

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Ah Ha, got it!!

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Now that I can crawl, they give me this thing? What am I supposed to do with this?

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I think I’d rather work on my pull-ups…

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Okay, another day of crawling! I can go anywhere!!

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Ooooo, a springy thing!

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Guess Daddy didn’t want me playing with that. I’ll show him; I’ll climb on this box!! Grrrrr..

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Crap, that’s not how I planned it. #babyfail

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Oh, I see, now that I move more, they put me in a cage. Didn’t Mommy and Daddy want me to crawl?

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Seriously, Dad, you suck the fun out of crawling. I don’t care about your stupid Ninja Turtle fort.

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Yes, freedom! Hi dog, you should feel lucky they don’t put you in that fort/cage.

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Come to think of it, I’m starting to like this area. And Dad, your TMNT blanket isn’t that bad, sorry for the harsh words.

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Plus, in here, I can practice my pull-up and standing skills!

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I’m just not getting that full standing position. Today WILL be the day!

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Oh look, a hair.

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Lucky animals, living cage-free. Come here cat!!

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Fine then, don’t listen to me….I’ll pull your hair eventually!

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Nice, new territory to explore at G-Ma’s! Hope that photo-bombing dog keeps his distance.

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One thing that sucks about visiting other places is I don’t have my crib to sleep in. So, I’ll just do the opposite of sleep….

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Back in the cage…..starting to get annoyed with it again.

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Phew, guess my whining paid off, I love exploring the kitchen more. Maybe I can climb these…

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Oh, hi Dad. Maybe, I can’t climb those?

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I’ve been crawling for a while now, but I can’t find that darn spoon. Anyone know where it went?

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Ahhhh, found you, spoon!! Come here!

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Yay, Mommy’s home! I can count on her to bring me somewhere new. Like the bathroom where my pink ball is hiding!!

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MINE!! I love crawling to things!!

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Yes, Dad, I see the camera, here’s a pity smile with a squinty eye and my snaggletooth. PS – I’m going to walk soon and drive you even more crazy!

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See, what did I tell you? Here I go!!

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Crap, never mind. But next time, I’m gone!

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It was the bear’s fault, he was talking smack! Listen here bear, I’ll show you!!

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Done, he won’t mess with me again. Now, what do we have over here….

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C’mon, Dad, you could’ve let me go a little further! Ooooo, a light..

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Back in the baby jail again. I gotta find a way outta here. Yes, this is it, this is the time I make my escape!!

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Blast! Hand grip has failed me once more!

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Maybe I’ll have better grip over here….

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Well, it kinda worked, but more because Daddy brought me to the kitchen. Hey, nice shoe, can I eat it?

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What? How dare you say no! I’ll show you NO!

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See, I’ll move this rug however I want!

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Geez, I just got really tired. Must be the rug moving and climbing.

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Time for a torpedo-shaped nap…

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Wow, now they have a cage for me at dinner time? Ha, I found a way out!

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Didn’t get too far. I don’t want to be in this highchair….if you can’t tell.

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Ummm, Dad, something’s wrong with your foot.

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I’ll just crawl right over that thing and…

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…..hey, who straightened the rug?! I’ll fix that. All better!

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Last attempt for a while, I.Am.Going.To.Do.This

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Noooooooooooooooooooooo

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Our Baby Gives a Tour of the Kitchen

Hey there! How’s it going? Hope your weekend is off to a great start!

We are hanging at G-Ma’s house for a second night, and enjoying each other’s company as Avery keeps everyone entertained. Now that she’s crawling, things are definitely more interesting, and it’s hard to keep up with this girl! What happens when they start walking?

Walker in training.
Walker in training.

 

Maybe we should look into those leash and harness contraptions….

The other day, while I was in my home inside our home, the kitchen, Avery wanted to give a pictorial tour of our kitchen and dining area. I told her no at first, but then she turned on her super cuteness and I caved…

But don't you love me, Daddy?
But don’t you love me, Daddy?

And so the tour ensued. Enjoy!

Oh, hi there, welcome to our kitchen! As you can see, behind me is the fridge and freezer. It’s nice and silvery; perfect to see my fingerprints on!

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And right here is the oven, where Daddy does his baking and roasts a lot of vegetables.

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It’s also silv…..oh hey, look, I can see myself!

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Pretty cool, I can see other things too. So shiny….

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Huh? Oh yeah, the tour. Sorry, I love seeing myself.

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And this right here, is one of our two bar stools for the island. Mommy sometimes holds me as she tries to eat, but I play a game called “grab everything and shake it while making your body go straight”. So far, I’m winning.

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I also like to practice pulling myself up on it like this…

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But I’ll save that for later, let’s move on to the dining room.

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Here is our dining room. This is where we sit down to eat at night and I…..oh, it’s Lou, our fat cat.

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Let me just go try and grab some of his hair out really fast.

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Nope, wait, stay right there, Lou.

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There you go, hold that tail still and I’ll be right there.

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Well crap, he didn’t listen.

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If I can just make it over this electric cord to Lou…

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Oh, and here we are back at the start. I guess Daddy didn’t want me giving any more of the tour.

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Thanks for visiting, that makes me happy. Until next time, hope you have a great weekend!

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4 Things Babies and Firecrackers Have in Common

Happy Independence Day to my fellow Americans, and Happy Friday to all others! Both great things, and both reasons to celebrate!

We’re heading down to G-Ma’s to celebrate the 4th of July weekend with Uncle Preston (if he’s around) and G-Ma’s boyfriend, Paul. This will be the first time Avery gets to watch fireworks, and we’re not too sure how she’ll act. Any tips?

Growing up, I remember getting tremendously excited around New Year’s and the 4th of July because that meant fireworks!! When I was old enough, I would have my own yard sale trying to sell anything from some of my old books to jewelry I thought my mom would never miss.

For some reason, some boy sitting in the front yard with a few things laying on a blanket never got me very far. I earned some money, though, but mainly out of pity from the neighbors. I even tried my shot at a Kool-Aid stand which earned a bit too. Same reason…..pity.

With my earnings, I’d ride my bright neon Huffy bike to the firework stand nearby and spend it all on whatever I could afford. The stand owners were parents to one of my friends, so they’d always toss in a few extras.

I couldn’t afford the big fireworks, my sympathetic mom helped there, so I mainly came back with a lot of Black Cat firecrackers. Probably for the best since trying to ride bike while carrying several artillery shell fireworks would be ill-advised.

Not 30 minutes after arriving back home and I’d be out of my hard earned fire ant disrupters. Man, for such a small thing, those firecrackers are pretty potent!

One day, while Avery was screaming because I set her down for a second, I reflected upon my past obsession with firecrackers and came up with 4 things they have in common with babies. I figured 4 is a good number for the 4th; see how intuitive I am?

1. Both are small but loud. When compared to an adult, babies are small, cute and (usually) cuddly, right? Likewise, a firecracker pales in comparison to the enormous fireworks you’d see at a major firework display. Despite their small packaging, babies and firecrackers can and do create quite a racket.

The firecrackers are self-explanatory; you light them and they go “boom!” Babies do a great job at creating loud noise with just their vocals, or by grabbing anything nearby and banging it on anything else nearby.

Door stops make great noise!!
Door stops make great noise!!

Although, unless you have one of those strands of 50,000 firecrackers set to explode one after the other in sequence, babies tend to make noise for longer periods. And, unfortunately, it’s not on cue by lighting a fuse, it’s all on their terms!

2. Both are good at exploding. While firecrackers themselves explode, babies tend to create explosions by other means. But, after either one “explodes” you have a mess to clean up.

The paper wrapping and any remnants from an unfortunate toy might be scattered across the ground, while babies leave their aftermath inside a diaper, on the floor, up their back, in the tub, in the car, in the…well, you get the idea.

3. Both have a short fuse. You ever try to light a single firecracker? Those things explode before you can turn the other way after lighting, and a lot of people, me included, just light and throw them quickly as they explode before touching the ground. Not safe or smart since you eventually have one go off in your hand which feels far from good.

I'm happy.
I’m happy.

Babies, on the other hand, can be as happy as a clam at high tide for one moment, but if you so much as take your attention off of them to scratch your head, they can go irate! This happens to Going Mom and me frequently; we’ll have Avery laughing as we coo at her and make funny faces, but we stop to talk to each other and WHAM! she’s crying.

No I'm not!
No I’m not!

4. Both need to be tightly swaddled/wrapped. We haven’t swaddled Avery in months, but when we did, it had to be a tight wrap. If it wasn’t tight enough, she’d get her arms free and thrash around like a short circuited robot. For a firecracker to work as intended, it needs to be very tightly wrapped around the powder inside.

Happy, swaddled Avery

If you’re celebrating today, I hope you have a fun and safe time wherever you are. Happy 4th of July!!

Can you think of any other semblances with babies and firecrackers?