Tag Archives: humor

Dear Demon: We Want Our Daughter Back

Have you ever considered the possibility of demons inhabiting your child and that’s what makes them cry at glass-shattering decibels?

I mentioned how Avery has started to really “hit the high notes” in my 7 Memories post (it was the bonus memory, number 8), and she’s only getting louder. Why oh why do they do this?

That’s a rhetorical question, please don’t actually answer.

Unless you know for sure…..do you?

She’s in the prime age for teething and both Going Mom and I are confident that this, coupled with her increasing neediness, are the culprits. But, you can never rule out the possibility of demon possession; right?

How else can you explain having a baby with all of their needs met, but the instant you even think about setting them down, they begin their shrill, demon-like cries?

Luckily, we are loving parents and show her our love regardless of demon possession or not. But I wonder if when I’m feeding a bottle, if I’m feeding my baby or a demon.

Gives me goosebumps. Poor girl, she’s going to hate me posting this all over the internet, but I capture raw footage of possible demon possession in Avery. Watch it and let me know what you think?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tdI5FP3CoQ&w=560&h=315]

Maybe blowing raspberries really is the best way to remove demons and that’s the actual reason babies do it on a daily basis. Hey, maybe.

So, Demon, if you’re reading this, please leave our daughter and go with your demon friends elsewhere. We don’t like your kind around here; consider this your one and only warning.

This post is part of the Love All Dads Link Up Party, check out other cool dad bloggers by clicking the button below and enjoy!!

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7 Month Photo Session and How to Fight a Bear

Avery stepped into month 7 of her life the same day I celebrated my first Father’s Day, so we had two reasons to celebrate. Okay, three if you count not having a giant tortoise to care for in our back yard!

Before G-Ma, Paul, and our friend, Margaret came over to wish me a happy Father’s Day see Avery, Going Mom and I took advantage of Avery’s current good mood to take her monthly progression photos next to her stuffed bear. We asked her if she was ready as we sat in the living room and she gave us her typical constipated raspberry response.

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We took that as a “yes.”

In the nursery, Kelley sat Avery in the chair and went to grab the stuffed animal bear. It was obvious Avery was just as excited as we were about her 7 month photo shoot.

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Maybe the bear would help excite her?

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Meh; a little better, but even blowing raspberries would’ve been better than this poker face. But then she opened up and seemed interested in her soft, friendly bear.

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At least, we thought she was just interested, but apparently she had some aggression issues with her stuffed bear. What ensued for the remainder of the photo session was basically a bear mauling. Maybe Avery was giving a tutorial on how to fight a stuffed bear should the need arise. I mean, hey, you never know!

As you can see from the picture above, you must first act like you just want to pet the unsuspecting bear. Then, when you have good leverage, slam his face down in your knee and smile while doing so.

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Then grab your bear prey from behind while he’s stunned….

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….and throw him in a corner while staying as close as you can to prevent him from taking any swipes. Maybe bite his face a little.

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From there, drive your shoulder into his neck region to let him know you’ve only just begun to show him who’s boss!

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Don’t stop, keep really driving your body into his and don’t let up by any means! This is a bear, after all, and they can’t be trusted.

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Having shown his jugular a thing or two, push him down from behind and bite his head! Trust me, you’ll “bear-ly” taste a thing.

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At this point, you’re probably a little tired, so give yourself a break by just laying right on top of the big lug.

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Keep laying there if you need to; bear fights are exhausting.

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Once you’ve established yourself as master of all bears, prop the poor sap back up in a corner and go let everyone know your big feat!

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Oh yeah, oops, learn how to crawl or walk before trying to get off the chair though. Thanks, mom, for catching me!

Have mommy or daddy help you down from the chair instead of trying to crawl right off of it and get to the nearest phone to tell everyone you know. Just so happens, Avery had her chance to use the phone when we changed her into swim clothes to go outside and try her new giant turtle pool.

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After you’ve made the calls…..eat the phone.

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And that sums up our 7 month photo session and tutorial on how to fight a bear. Here’s Avery at her 1 month session; she’s a little more lively now!

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Wow, I will never get over seeing how much she’s already grown!

Do you have a certain prop you use to help mark your child’s growth each month/year? Or did you?

If My Baby Could Tweet and Use Hashtags

It’s the coolest thing lately, using hashtags for everything! Every show has its name in hashtag at the top of the screen and people even talk in hashtag; me included.

I used to make fun of hashtag use and seriously got annoyed because I’ve always know it as a pound sign. Mainly because, IT IS!

When you get an automated voice on the phone, it doesn’t say “Please enter your password followed by the hashtag”. Not yet at least.

But, I have succumbed to its use and do it daily. #igiveup

See?

So I started to wonder what my 6 month old daughter, Avery, would say in hashtag if she knew how. And thus, my post was born! Here’s my attempt to put hashtag words in Avery’s mouth for some of our recent pictures.

Enjoy!

Dad called the hashtag a pound sign! #WTF

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#SomebodyPayAttentionToMe

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#Damn

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And picture number 1,033 for the day….#StopDad

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I’m still here. #PhotoBomber

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Go ahead, cat, make the first move. #KittyCompetition

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I didn’t actually mean for you to make a move! #GiveMeTheRedDot

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I have to feed myself with this?! #BringBackBoob

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Just doin what I do. #RaspberrySelfie

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It stinks. #WhoFarted

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It was me. #BroccoliMadeMe

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What, another picture session? #DontLookDontLookDontLook

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Those stupid waving fingers always get me. #Crap

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I think I just have to fart…..oops. #ChangeMyDiaper

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Not all toys are fun. #IMissTheRedDot

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Yeah mom, I love the bow. #Ppthhhppthhhppththpptthh

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Go ahead, ask me another question you already know I can’t answer. #BabyProblems

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Now that I use hashtags on a daily basis, I get how useful they are for social media and business, but there will always be a part of me that questions how and why the ever originated. But, like most things with technology, you just have to go with the flow.

What are your thoughts on using hashtags?

Any personal stories?

Don’t you call it the pound sign?