Tag Archives: humor

6 Ways Playing Halo Prepared Me to Be a Dad

Parenting means trading this sticky grenade for poop. Basically the same thing!!

Ahhh, the days of playing Halo on Xbox! Most of my college days were spent slaying and being slayed in multiplayer battles with people all over the world. And let’s not forget the epic Capture the Flag (CTF) sessions; loved those!

Well, first we used giant, 75ft Ethernet cables to connect multiple Xbox’s before Xbox Live became an option, but either way, it was a blast.

Long gone are the days of playing video games, I don’t even own a game system now, but there will always be a gamer inside of me. I’d be lying if I said I don’t have the urge to play every now and then, but I’d much rather be doing something active as a family so we can set a good example for Avery. I know we’ll allow her screen time and maybe we’ll even get another game system to play together one day, but we won’t let it become a habit.

Over the years of my Halo playing, homework was pushed aside more often than not, and I’m sure I even missed a few classes as a result of staying up too late to play. But that’s not to say I have nothing to show for my countless hours of battling opponents across the globe and going back and forth with smack talk as we sat in the “waiting room” waiting on our game to load. Actually, in retrospect, Halo has taught me several things that have helped prepare me to become a parent.

  1. Hesitation can get you killed. When battling an opponent in Halo, hesitating is a guaranteed way to get pistol-whipped in the back of the head or sniped from afar. This applies to parenting in that hesitation can result in lost opportunity. If your baby is starting to crawl, do you run and grab a camera, and if so, digital or video? You have to think fast, without hesitation, or you’ll miss capture the “first” moment to relive years down the road.
  2. Teamwork is key. When in battle, sometimes you need to leave your ego at the door and help your teammates instead of getting all of the kill points yourself. Or during an intense CTF session, you work with your team to decide who defends your flag while others seek to capture the opponent’s. You never know when you’ll need help from a teammate, so keeping them on your good side is vital. Going Mom and I have our differences, as do all couples (right?), but I know that by having her back and working with instead of against her makes things much easier for the both of us. As a SAHD, I am the guardian of our flag (home and Avery), while Kelley works to capture the flag (earn income). So far, we’re both “winning”.
  3. Experience yields success. The first time I played Halo, I could hardly figure out how to move in a straight line, much less actually shoot something! But over time, maybe too much time, I was on the leaderboard when facing many opponents online and amongst my friends. Practice makes perfect, right? Same goes for parenting; you learn as you go. As every month passes, Kelley and I are just a little more experienced than the last and feel more confident in our parenting skills. Now we are better able to tell if Avery’s cries are purely for attention or if she has a poopy diaper.
  4. Anticipation is education. Educating yourself to know what your opponent will do before they do it is key to survival. If you know one of your enemies has a favorite hiding spot, you get there first and surprise attack him when he arrives. As a parent, it’s important to create a daily routine so your baby learns to anticipate most of the daily activities. Also, when playing with your baby, they learn anticipation when you do things like gently blow in their face/ear, tickle them, or just make a surprise sound with exaggerated facial features.
  5. Winning and losing comes in streaks. There would be some sessions where I was on a role and get several “Killtaculars” (it’s a Halo thing if you didn’t know), and then other days I’d just get killed the moment I respawned. Its life, it happens. As a stay-at-home parent, I have awesome days where Avery is a happy baby, we enjoy time together, and she takes the bottle without fussing. But then other days it seems as if she has a personal vendetta on daddy and screams at the tiniest indication I might set her down, and there’s no way in hell she’s having a bottle. Understanding I’ll have these streaks allows me to move on and simply look forward to the next day without stressing over lost battles. Even though I sometimes still do
  6. Don’t try to be Legendary. In Halo, you can play the campaign on an Easy, Normal, Heroic, or Legendary setting. As you would guess, Legendary is extremely hard and even the weakest alien opponent can do major damage. In parenting, this equates to biting off more than you can chew. Our babies aren’t asking us to be “Legendary”, just give them love and attention and they will love you for it. As cool as it might be to do everything and then some, focus on what matters, your baby and family; other things can wait.

I’m extremely guilty of trying to be Legendary, which results in me getting killed (a.k.a overstressed) as a result. As parents, we are never done learning, but thanks to those years of playing Halo, I’m a little ahead of the game.

Can you attribute anything out of the ordinary to helping you prepare to be a parent? I’d love to hear your input in the comments below.

Dear Demon: We Want Our Daughter Back

Have you ever considered the possibility of demons inhabiting your child and that’s what makes them cry at glass-shattering decibels?

I mentioned how Avery has started to really “hit the high notes” in my 7 Memories post (it was the bonus memory, number 8), and she’s only getting louder. Why oh why do they do this?

That’s a rhetorical question, please don’t actually answer.

Unless you know for sure…..do you?

She’s in the prime age for teething and both Going Mom and I are confident that this, coupled with her increasing neediness, are the culprits. But, you can never rule out the possibility of demon possession; right?

How else can you explain having a baby with all of their needs met, but the instant you even think about setting them down, they begin their shrill, demon-like cries?

Luckily, we are loving parents and show her our love regardless of demon possession or not. But I wonder if when I’m feeding a bottle, if I’m feeding my baby or a demon.

Gives me goosebumps. Poor girl, she’s going to hate me posting this all over the internet, but I capture raw footage of possible demon possession in Avery. Watch it and let me know what you think?

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tdI5FP3CoQ&w=560&h=315]

Maybe blowing raspberries really is the best way to remove demons and that’s the actual reason babies do it on a daily basis. Hey, maybe.

So, Demon, if you’re reading this, please leave our daughter and go with your demon friends elsewhere. We don’t like your kind around here; consider this your one and only warning.

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7 Month Photo Session and How to Fight a Bear

Avery stepped into month 7 of her life the same day I celebrated my first Father’s Day, so we had two reasons to celebrate. Okay, three if you count not having a giant tortoise to care for in our back yard!

Before G-Ma, Paul, and our friend, Margaret came over to wish me a happy Father’s Day see Avery, Going Mom and I took advantage of Avery’s current good mood to take her monthly progression photos next to her stuffed bear. We asked her if she was ready as we sat in the living room and she gave us her typical constipated raspberry response.

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We took that as a “yes.”

In the nursery, Kelley sat Avery in the chair and went to grab the stuffed animal bear. It was obvious Avery was just as excited as we were about her 7 month photo shoot.

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Maybe the bear would help excite her?

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Meh; a little better, but even blowing raspberries would’ve been better than this poker face. But then she opened up and seemed interested in her soft, friendly bear.

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At least, we thought she was just interested, but apparently she had some aggression issues with her stuffed bear. What ensued for the remainder of the photo session was basically a bear mauling. Maybe Avery was giving a tutorial on how to fight a stuffed bear should the need arise. I mean, hey, you never know!

As you can see from the picture above, you must first act like you just want to pet the unsuspecting bear. Then, when you have good leverage, slam his face down in your knee and smile while doing so.

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Then grab your bear prey from behind while he’s stunned….

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….and throw him in a corner while staying as close as you can to prevent him from taking any swipes. Maybe bite his face a little.

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From there, drive your shoulder into his neck region to let him know you’ve only just begun to show him who’s boss!

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Don’t stop, keep really driving your body into his and don’t let up by any means! This is a bear, after all, and they can’t be trusted.

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Having shown his jugular a thing or two, push him down from behind and bite his head! Trust me, you’ll “bear-ly” taste a thing.

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At this point, you’re probably a little tired, so give yourself a break by just laying right on top of the big lug.

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Keep laying there if you need to; bear fights are exhausting.

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Once you’ve established yourself as master of all bears, prop the poor sap back up in a corner and go let everyone know your big feat!

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Oh yeah, oops, learn how to crawl or walk before trying to get off the chair though. Thanks, mom, for catching me!

Have mommy or daddy help you down from the chair instead of trying to crawl right off of it and get to the nearest phone to tell everyone you know. Just so happens, Avery had her chance to use the phone when we changed her into swim clothes to go outside and try her new giant turtle pool.

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After you’ve made the calls…..eat the phone.

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And that sums up our 7 month photo session and tutorial on how to fight a bear. Here’s Avery at her 1 month session; she’s a little more lively now!

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Wow, I will never get over seeing how much she’s already grown!

Do you have a certain prop you use to help mark your child’s growth each month/year? Or did you?