Tag Archives: humor

Moving On From The Big D

I think it’s safe to say we have moved on from the big “D”, and no, I don’t mean Dallas. Any Mark Chestnutt fans? I’m not talking about the Big D Texas Marathon either.

big d, dallas, diapers, parenting

Despite the fact that I live in the suburbs of Dallas and have run many marathons in the past, I despise going into the city mainly because of the constant construction and traffic so it’s just not appealing to me. That, and my long distance running days are long gone……by choice.

Oh yeah, I’m most certainly not talking about the other Big D know as Divorce. Although I know a great guy who moved right past his Big D and is now happier than ever, I’m perfectly happy as is. Thanks to Going Mom for being such an amazing wife and mother! Anyway, the Big D I’m referring to would be diapers.

YES!

Okay, technically, No, because we still rely on Honest Company Training Pants overnight and sometimes when running errands, but we have definitely moved on from cloth diapers. I shared about our cloth diaper collection/routine on this post, and while I highly recommend that route over disposables, it’s still a lot of work.

Avery and I have many memories of putting diapers together. She would sit in her Mamas & Papas Baby Snug or on the bed in our guest room as I put the inserts into each diaper and I called out each color to her blank baby stare.

Helping daddy put together cloth diapers
Helping daddy put together cloth diapers

It seemed like it wasn’t getting through at the time, but now she’s a color-naming and counting whiz! Remember, parents, always talk to your babies! Their entire growth and development depends on hearing you talk to them.

She’s far from perfectly potty trained (I think I could even use some help sometimes), but it’s mainly undies from here on out. We have seen some impressive “snakes” followed by her announcing the movement simply by saying “Hiissssssss!’ and I *insert Chandler’s from Friends way of speaking* couldn’t be more proud of our daughter. As for her, I think she’s slightly annoyed with me…

potty training, toddler, poop, funny, humor, parenting

Guess I can’t blame her. Sorry, Avery!

While we’re on the topic of potty talk, our 2.5 year old is already learning anatomy. She’s been aware that her and mommy have vaginas for a while now, but when she tried to say the same about daddy, I had to quickly let her know otherwise. For reference, here’s a recent conversation we had….

Me: Okay, Avery, we need to wash your hands before lunch.
Avery: Mommy and Avery have vagina, daddy has peanut.
Me: —————–
Avery: Penis
Me: So we scrub our hands with soap for 20 seconds…..

And now we hear this several times a day. At least she no longer says peanut. Is that a good thing?

Meh, whatever the case, it’s bittersweet moving on from the diaper part of parenting. It’s awesome because, diapers, but sad because that means growing up. As always, it’s too fast. That’s one cliche that will stand the test of time as truth.

But we have plenty of fun ahead and she constantly reminds us how we will always be new parents each and every day as she continues to drop new bombs on us. Unfortunately, that’s a literal statement at times.

Do you remember the day you realized diapers were done?

If you still use them, are you impatiently anticipating the day?

How The S Word Helps With Potty Training

We’ve been in the midst of potty training for about two weeks now and have been seeing slow but steady progress. Hopefully we’re through the initial phase which I assume is the hardest part. Thanks in part to the S word, and of course a few healthy treat incentives like No Sugar-Added Lily’s Dark Chocolate Chips sweetened with stevia.

I’ll admit, Daddy got a treat every time she went potty too. They’re just too good not to sneak a few bites!

There are many potty training methods, and while we haven’t followed any of them to the T, the method we practiced most was the Two-Day Method a neighbor friend shared with us. Yes, the fact that I stay home with our daughter was a big factor here, but it can be done over the weekend too. As our friend recommends, aim to try when you have an extended weekend from a holiday or just take an extra day off.

Since I’m not here to lay out a full potty training program, I’ll spare you the minute details. Just know that within the week, after having our daughter in the house with diapers off, asking “Do you need to go potty?” more times than there are days in a year (Every. Day), and listening to a very unhappy kid who wanted to poop in her diaper, we actually made progress.

We felt hopeless at first, but many puddles and plops, a few successes with chocolate chip rewards, and use of the S word later, our little girl is going to the potty all by herself.

No, I’m not talking about the multitude of books on Socialism, Secrets, Suicide, Submission, and S**t with the title The S Word. I’m talking about snakes!

zoo, family, snake, reptile, kids, learning

Kids are fascinated with all kinds of creatures, and since she has a reptile-loving daddy, she started using “snake” to describe what she made in the potty. After her first BIG success in the potty, she stood up, turned around, and proclaimed “Ooooo, it’s a big snake! Hissssss!”

This was a proud dad moment on many levels. I mean, she freakin made a successful poop in her potty! After cleaning several plops on the floor and couch, I was beyond happy to see this milestone. As for the smell, not so much. Since that first snake, she’s made an entire family snakes almost every day.

Mommy snake, daddy snake, and several baby snakes have all been spotted in the potty. If she’s reluctant to sit on the potty but my wife and I see that she’s overly squirmy, we just ask her to try and make a snake. 8 times out of 10, she will at least give it a shot squeeze. And 9 times out of 10, a snake, big or small, makes an appearance.

She now knows to pull her underwear down and sit on her potty by herself. If we are outside or not at home, she sometimes says she needs to go potty, but this is still a work in progress. For that we are using The Honest Company Training Pants at night time and while out and about. Gone are the days of our cloth diapers, it’s Elmo undies and training pants here on out. Eventually going to just undies of course. I’m not sure what turned her on to liking Elmo so much though….

potty training, sesame street, elmo, the s word

Ohhhh yeah, nothing like watching Sesame Street on the pot. #ToddlerLife

We are proud of our little semi-potty trained girl. There’s nothing like being in the kitchen and all of the sudden hearing her going “Hisss-hissss-hissssssss!” after making a “snake” in the potty. True story, I heard her hissing and thought she was just making animal sounds so I chimed in and hissed too. Then I turned around to an odd smell and her undies down. Go Avery!

If you’re in the process or getting ready to start potty training, either get your kids excited about snakes or some other poop-shaped creature and learn the sound they make to use it as a form of victory call after pooping in the potty. Oh, but don’t forget the chocolate chip rewards. I know, it’s an ironic treat to have for poop, so feel free to use your own reward system.

After a week or two, they’ll be so proud of using the potty, they may not care about the rewards anymore. But they’re never proud enough to want pictures taken, so don’t do this….

potty training, toddler, poop, funny, humor, parenting

What To Do At The Zoo When You’re Two

Hi! Avery, here, long time no “talk”. Mommy and Daddy brought me to what they call a zoo for the first time ever, and it was full of awesome animals! Now that I’m back and an experienced zoo-goer, I wanted to share a few things to do at the zoo when you’re two.

You’ve probably seen many of the zoo animals in books and in the form of cute toys, but seeing the real deal is a completely different experience. Take, for example, turtles. Daddy has been surrounding me with turtle things my entire life, but seeing big ones I could sit on was turtley awesome!

zoo, fort worth, tortoise, turtle

I kept telling him to “Go”, but he just sat there. Weak……They may not be as exciting as a trip to the trampoline park, but sitting on a tortoise should be on every toddler’s pail list. Just make sure to never look at your mommy and/or daddy when as they shout “Look at the camera and smile!” for the thousandth time. And that’s just on the lackluster turtle.

His friends just stood off in the distance watching, guess they don’t like giving toddler rides. Or maybe they were arguing over who gets to be Michelangelo.

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Even turtle tantrums lack excitement. I could teach them a thing or two in that department.

Another thing you must do is pet a snake. Daddy wouldn’t shut-up about snakes, and after dragging us through all of the reptiles, he brought me to pet this snake that turned out to be pretty cool. I’d even do it again.

zoo, family, snake, reptile, kids, learning

Dad says we should get a pet snake, but Mom says no. Haven’t heard much after that…..

The zoo is filled with all kinds of birds throughout the area. The first ones I spotted were these crazy pink birds just standing in water. Some were even on one leg!

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If you can, get out of the stroller for a closer look at the birds who were all ready to flamingle. They were all squawking about something, probably the awesome curls in my hair.

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What you should NOT get out of the stroller for is a closer look at this guy…..a crocodile.

crocodile, reptile, dinosaur, zoo

They look much happier in the books and toys I have, but this guy was not up for playing. I was okay with keeping strapped in my stroller to look at the sleepy swamp dweller. Petting snakes is one thing, but I wouldn’t touch a crocodile with a 10 foot pool noodle.

What I do suggest petting are the animals in the petting zoo. As the name implies, it’s like a mini zoo within the zoo where you get to pet animals. Mommy held me as I pet the wet nose of a calf which felt a lot like our fat cat’s nose, only much bigger.. I’m just glad he wasn’t in a bad moo-d.

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Next up was a baby goat who was far from lively. No need for help to pet him, I just reached through the fence and felt his slightly coarse white hair. Yeah, when you’re two, you can be a little more independent.

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The petting zoo was a neat experience, but unless they add more animals, disco lights, or both, I could probably just skip this section next time.

Going to the zoo means a lot of walking, and even though we had a stroller, I wanted to prove that I can walk just fine on my own. But I have daddy trained pretty well and made sure he pushed the stroller just in case I was ready to climb back in. Which I did, a lot, and something I suggest all my peers do too. Just keep our parents in check.

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Mommy has him trained too. When I decided to climb in, we both celebrated our daddy training success by raising our arms high in the sky and making him take our picture.

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This is something no to be contained only for zoo visits, do it anywhere all the time!

Another zoo transportation option is on your parent’s shoulders. I made frequent use of taking a ride on daddy’s shoulders to get a better view of animals and help pick bugs out of his hair.

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As it turned out, there were no gross bugs wandering around on his head. This made me very happy!

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The giant cats in the background looked pretty cool, but they must’ve been sleepy since they were all lion around.

Much like those sleepy cats, daddy’s shoulders get uncomfortable after a while, so I exercised my other option; Mommy! We enjoyed watching the elephants together, they were my Mom’s favorite zoo animal.

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Did you know elephants like to play too? We saw a baby elephant trying to get it’s mommy to play with a giant log.

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It made me think of all the fun I have playing with my Mommy, which put me in deep thought mode for a minute.

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So, when it comes to transportation at the zoo, make use of your mommy and daddy when/if possible. I will, however, suggest you try your hardest to choose only one at a time. It seems every time we are all together, they try to take family selfies, which I’m not too fond of…..ever.

Family Selfie at Zoo

At one point, we stumbled on this well camouflaged animal that looked like a miniature bearded horse with horns. He just stood there, keeping still and looking like he didn’t even know how it goat there.

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One of my favorite parts of the entire visit to the zoo was the giant bird area. There were hundreds of birds flying around the area, and you could feed them with a stick covered in seeds. Daddy held me on his shoulders as I held a stick that daddy got for me (I’ve got the training down!) and fed the birds.

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Some birds even landed on the stick I was holding!

Avery Holding Bird at Zoo

If nothing else, definitely do this when you’re at the zoo! It’s even worth having your parents try to take MORE selfies.

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After the bird excitement, I started turning on my crazy toddler mode (i.e. naptime) which had Mommy and Daddy rushing through the zoo to get back to our car. Back at the front, we got to see a gorilla with her baby.

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I wonder if the gorilla mommy would let her kid come to the trampoline park with me sometime. They sure do look like they’d have fun jumping!

My parents said I can choose one souvenir to remember my first trip to the Fort Worth Zoo, so we made a quick stop at the shop conveniently located on the way out. I had to stay in the stroller as mommy and daddy waved toys in my face. I wasn’t sure if I was picking the toy or they were, but one thing’s for sure, I did NOT want the spider dad showed me.

gorilla, monkey, baby, zoo

My dad, I mean I, ended up choosing a lanky rubber snake despite Mommy’s attempts to get me to ask for a cute owl or bear hand puppet. In retrospect, I don’t know why I said I wanted the snake instead of a fuzzy animal puppet, but “Raps” (the name of my dad’s late pet milk snake) is proving pretty fun to play with.

No matter what you choose to do at the zoo when you’re two or ninety-two, just seeing all of the amazing animals will be the highlight of the trip. At the zoo, you get to see creatures found all over the world all in one big area. Pretty cool if you ask me. Grab your parents and find one near you. I can’t wait until I’m older and can appreciate all of the wild-life even more!