Tag Archives: humor

The Love-Hate Relationship: A Toddler’s View

11/11/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Hi there! It’s me, Avery, I’m taking over Daddy’s blog for a quick explanation about love-hate relationships. Don’t worry, he won’t mind, I practically have him wrapped around my finger…..or at least on my shirt. See?

I’ve had a certain stuffed bear around me my entire life, and no matter how many times we fight, we always seem to make up. Well, now there’s a new animal in the house, Lamby, and he’s become my new favorite stuffed buddy. Even though Bear can make me feel like dancing at times…..

…..he usually just bums me out.

Finally, I decided I must tell him about Lamby and how he is no longer my best stuffed bud. I kept pushing it off, but finally, during breakfast, there was an awkward silence.

I looked over to initiate the conversation with my old plush pal.

He seemed to sense my uneasiness and simply refused to respond or even look at me. Eeek, that awkward feeling got even awkward….er?

Knowing that I must get closure, I was the ~~bigger~~ only person and walked over to him so we could talk, pretty blue eye-to-beady glass black eye.

Then, all of the fights we had, the times he kept getting in my way when sleeping, and how Mommy and Daddy obviously didn’t like him since they just tossed him at me built up inside. I couldn’t help what happened next, my toddler rage took over and wrung his neck!

Just leave me alone, Lamby and I are happy without you!!

I didn’t know I had so much anger inside of me, but I immediately felt bad. I think I even heard poor Bear sniffle a little. Or maybe he has a hidden squeaker…oooo, that would be cool. No, getting sidetracked here, I simply felt the guilt sink in and only grow stronger. We both needed a big bear hug!

I’m so sorry, Bear, I promise, we can still be friends.

And now it’s right back where we started. I still love Lamby more, but Bear thinks we’re all good again. This love-hate relationship stuff is hard, and is truly exhausting….ugh.

Well, whatever the case, I don’t like these confusing relationships one bit. I know I love Mommy and I love Daddy, and apparently I love to hate Bear. For now he can stick around, but if ever goes near Lamby, well, here’s how I feel about that, and no, I’m not pointing at the red “R”.

Life, Parenting

What Toddler Yoga Really Looks Like

11/06/2015 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

Perform a Google search for Toddler Yoga and along with the glut of mommy & baby/toddler yoga info sites, you’ll find images of cooperative toddlers in yoga poses with their mom.

I’m not sure I could even get into that pose, much less hold it for more than half a second, but here this kid is doing it with apparent ease. They even have classes at yoga studios specifically for babies/toddlers and parents. I’ve seen it around before, but still hard to imagine things actually going as well as they portray on their site.

Look up the definition of yoga and, well, never mind, I’ll do it for you…

After observing my wife attempt to have a yoga session at home with Avery joining in, Toddler Yoga brings to mind another word.

Come to think of it, cooperative toddler fits into this definition too. Not always, but c’mon, you know it’s true.

With the end of my squat every day routine, I mentioned that I’ll be bringing some of my workouts inside. With the help of fitness DVDs, I will be able to workout while simultaneously keeping Avery entertained and maybe even joining in.

She still tends to walk in front of me or try to climb my back during certain exercises that could result in injury (for the both of us), but when it’s just us two, she’s usually pretty good. Maybe because she’s around me all day, but Avery is always more clingy to her Mommy, which makes it very hard for my wife to do the same workout videos.

The other day, feeling the need to relax and calm down, Kelley chose to do the yoga video we have. Great choice when relaxing is the goal according to the definition, but what about that extra variable….our toddler.

Yep, there she is, sitting on Mommy in the Corpse Pose. Probably not a pic you’ll see on any yoga studio’s website trying to promote their Toddler Yoga class. Avery did get off to strike her own pose like Mommy for a bit.

Using Kelley’s sweatshirt as her personal yoga mat, I’d say she was doing pretty good. At least they both look relaxed. But then…..

….. as evidenced by the mischievous smirk on her face, her cling-o-meter was reading low and something had to be done fast!

How’s this, Mom, is this in your way? Not that it mattered, under Mommy was NOT clingy enough.

There we go, back to the Corpse Pose; perfect opportunity to sit on Mommy again. Hi!!

I was beginning to wonder if Kelley was still in the Corpse Pose, or actually suffering from lack of oxygen. Obviously, I was extremely concerned since I still took pictures. No worries, I had Avery check her breath for me.

Phew, she was still breathing!

Yep, she's good, Dad. — Yep, she’s good, Dad.

I missed several shots of Avery doing the Downward Dog Pose, but I’m sure I’ll get the chance again. She actually did that one pretty well, so I’ll be sure to share once we capture it on camera.

Have you ever tried doing something relaxing with your little tot(s)? Success or failure?

Avery Talk

How NOT To Hold A Toddler

07/17/2015 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

There are many ways on how to hold a toddler, and they shouldn’t be that hard. But, as my Uncle Preston will show you, there are ways on how NOT to hold a toddler as well.

Even before I was a walking, ~~talking~~ blabbering, and crazy toddler, my Uncle P just didn’t quite “get it” when it came to holding me as baby.

Another example…..

Okay, maybe when sitting down it’s not soooo bad, but still, he’s a little awkward about the whole thing. I’m your niece, your blood relative, just hold me normal! Seriously, as I have aged, I’ve been pushed to hold and chew on things from the stress he gives me when being held.

Think I like chewing on purple rubber wands that flash lights? Well yes, yes I do, but that’s besides the point!

Recently, when we spent the night at G-Ma’s for the 4th of July (and Mommy and Daddy just wouldn’t go to sleep!), I had the ~~luxury~~ torture of Uncle P’s awkward embrace.

Please, sense my sarcasm. I tried to hold it in, but my true feelings quickly appeared with my facial expression.

When holding a baby, maybe you can get away with this arm under butt facing out hold, but not now. Actually, how about never? Capeesh? Mark this down, toddler-holding-newbs, don’t do this!

From there, you might think lifting your curled arm up more into a cradle position is better. Cue the Jeopardy buzzer because YOU’RE WRONG!

This is partly my fault for being misleading with a slight, albeit forced, smile. But really I just liked grabbing his watch. So, again, put this holding position on your DO NOT DO list. Unless it’s a cat, that would be funny.

And whatever you try, NEVER try holding a toddler like they are a baby that needs to burp.

At this stage in life, we are perfectly capable of burping for ourselves, and farting too. I tend to enjoy a good fart and laugh at them quite often. As for diapers, please continue changing and cleaning me for now. Thank you.

Lucky for me, Daddy couldn’t stand to watch as Uncle Preston practiced his crappy holding skills on me, so he stepped in for a little toddler-holding tutorial.

Notice my head staring in fear at Uncle Preston’s hands. If you’re ever wondering if you’re doing it right, look for signs like this to know that you are NOT!

After the instruction, I was passed back to my far from confident Uncle for another try.

Fail! Obviously, I was ready to get out of his arms as he glanced at Daddy telling him he’s still doing it wrong. He basically just changed arms and used the same position as the first one I showed! I’m smart, nothing gets by me!

The ways not to hold a toddler are numerous, but these are some of the most common ones I’ve had to endure. Hopefully, to those of you reading this How Not To tutorial, you’ll find a better way before picking up a toddler near you.

Oh, and it’s probably best to make sure you actually know the toddler, otherwise, things could be worse than just an annoyed kid in your arms.

Do you have any family members who just can’t quite “grasp” how to hold your baby/toddler/kid/hopefully not teenager?