As a parent, it’s your job to protect your kids from everything that could happen in their life. You want to make sure your kids are safe from harm, illness, and bullying. But, there will come the point where you need to take a small but necessary step back. You can’t go around protecting your kids forever, as much as you’d like to, so you need to teach them to be tough, built this doesn’t mean you need to be tough.
Stop Fussing Them
When your child falls over, your immediate response is to rush over to see if they are okay. Here’s the thing, kids will fall over, but their reaction and coping strategy are based on how you react. Sometimes, falling over and hurting themselves if never as extreme as they make it out to be. While you can still show concern and provide wound care products to prevent infections, try not to be as fussy. This can help them get on with it and will teach them that not every cut and graze is the end of the world.
Teach Them Independence
There are many different ideas for fostering independence in your kids, so it’s up to you how you approach this. Regardless of your approach, it can have superb benefits for toughening your kids up. Encouraging independence means they will become more comfortable with making decisions themselves. They won’t need you to hold their hand, and this will allow them to make mistakes and learn from them, which is perhaps the most important lesson for growing up.
Show Them How Beneficial Struggles Can Be
You never want your kids to struggle in life, and that’s partly why you want to provide support for them for as long as possible. However, if your kids never struggle, they will never get the crucial life experiences that can toughen them up. Of course, you don’t want them to deal with real struggles, but allowing them to realize that life is not all sunshine and rainbows will go a long way to giving them the tools to succeed. Whether it’s their schoolwork, sports clubs, or learning a skill, they need to deal with (and get over) the hard part so they can reap the benefits.
Discourage Complaints
It’s safe to say that no one likes a negative child. No one likes a kid who complains and whines all day, every day. You need to stamp (not literally) this out of your children. Rather than listen to complaints and even bend to every whim, teach them to be grateful for their situation. Sure, they might be going through something tedious, but that is a part of life. Your kids need to learn the benefits of getting on with it so that they can discover how satisfying life is once they get through to the other side.
Tough Guy, Eh?
Encouraging your kids to toughen up shouldn’t mean they transform into emotionless robots. It should mean they manage to overcome strife and hardships by themselves, or at least try to at first. The tougher they become, the more independent and capable they will be.
If you’d like to pass on your love of sports to your kids, there are a number of things you can try. When it comes to getting kids interested in a specific activity or subject, you need to be gentle in your approach. You don’t want to force your kids into doing something they don’t really want to do, and they should enthusiastically want to pursue this interest. Your child may have their own interests and hobbies that they would prefer to focus on, and that’s fine. All children should be encouraged to follow their interests and passions, so that they can grow up knowing exactly who they are and the difference they want to make in the world. However, if you want to give your child the opportunity to get into sports and potentially safeguard their health for life, take a look at the following pointers.
Lead By Example
Leading by example is one of the most important things you can do as a parent. You can tell your kids how to behave, for example, not to shout, but if you’re constantly shouting they will copy you. Whether you realize it or not, your kids are watching you and paying attention. When you lead by example, they will be far more likely to ask you questions, and potentially ask to try the sport themselves off their own back. Make time for your chosen sport, look after your health, and show them how wonderful it can be to have a sport as a hobby.
Do Sports Together
Partaking in sports together, as a family, can be an amazing way to stay healthy, bond, and instill healthy habits and hobbies into your children. Even a simple game in the garden together can make sports fun and it’s your opportunity to teach them a thing or two. Kids will likely cherish these memories, as they will love the quality time you enjoyed together. It also helps them to avoid spending too much time in front of the TV or computer, and gets them some fresh air.
Don’t pick just one sport for your child early on. You may want them to fall in love with your chosen sport, but that may not be their natural inclination. This doesn’t mean they won’t want to try it in the future, or even come back to it at some point. However, encouraging them to try different sports based on what they are interested in and what they would actually like to try will benefit them tenfold. They get to explore new terrain, figuring out what sort of sports they like and what sort of sports they don’t. They also don’t feel under pressure to continue with a sport that they may not like all that much. Try not to make it a big deal when they are young, as kids are often terrified of disappointing their parents. Quitting a sport doesn’t make them a failure: it means they are not wasting time in finding the sport they’d like to stick to.
Stay Positive
Being a positive parent and providing positive reinforcement is key. This isn’t about telling your kids that they are natural football players and amazing at everything they do, though. This is about praising them for the effort they are putting in, and being specific about the improvements they are making. Kids need to see early on that effort = improvement. If they believe they should be ‘naturals’ at things, they will grow up reluctant to put too much effort into anything if they are not immediately good at it. Sure, some people are born with talent, but that doesn’t mean all hope is lost if your child doesn’t display any right away. With commitment and determination, your child can be whatever they want to be. Your attitude towards them while they try can make a huge difference to their overall mindset and results. Try not to push your own limiting beliefs onto your children, even if you think you’re being ‘realistic’. Don’t show your disappointment if they don’t get something right away, or if they don’t start winning games at school automatically. If they feel like they are letting you down, they will eventually want to quit. Being a supportive, positive parent will help them to feel safe and will make them more likely to try new things in the future, in spite of the fact they may fail. In fact, failure should be encouraged! It’s a fantastic learning curve and many of the greats failed before they succeeded. This is a far better lesson to pass on to your kids.
Don’t Force Anything
Don’t force your kids to do things that they don’t want to do. While committing to practicing a sport can take up a lot of their free time, you don’t want it to feel like a job for them. Be realistic about how much they should be practicing/playing and how much downtime they need. Even if your child is enthusiastic about their practice, they will need to take recovery periods to avoid injury and ensure they aren’t overdoing it. A child can quickly burn out and lose their enthusiasm if they feel like they are doing too much. Don’t worry about them being put on the bench for having some time to rest. They are young, and they really do have plenty of time to practice and get better. Rest and recovery is all a part of the process.
Accept The Sport They Want To Focus On
Eventually, your child may tell you that they want to focus on a specific sport. If you’ve let them experiment with different sports, they will have a much better idea of what they prefer to do. Accept the sport they want to focus on and support them. Whether it’s joining a soccer team, taking up swimming, or enrolling in Kids Gymnastics classes, support their choice and provide the necessary resources. So many parents express frustration and disappointment with kids who don’t want to follow in their footsteps, but your child is not a mini version of you. They should be encouraged to be their own authentic selves, and they will thrive when you allow them to focus on the things they are passionate about.
Watch Sports Together
Watching sports together can help to inspire your children, and is another great bonding activity. Whether you watch the NHL season highlights together at home with popcorn, or you go to games and soak in the electric atmosphere, this is an amazing way to get your child interested and passionate in various games. Now, while sports can be a sensitive topic for some, it’s a good idea to try not to scream and shout as you watch them. It’s totally fine to be enthusiastic, sing, and even express disappointment, but if you’re going to keep sports a positive and healthy outlet for your child, you should do your best to keep your emotions in check. There are many angry sportsmen out there who hate it and lash out when things don’t go their way, and the last thing you want is for your child to become one of them. Being passionate is great, but your child needs to understand that losing or missing is not the end of the world.
Focus On Helping Them To Cultivate A Healthy Lifestyle
Along with everything else, helping your child to cultivate a healthy lifestyle will improve their games, and could help them to become enthusiastic about trying sports in the future. Eat balanced diets, go on walks together, encourage regular bedtimes, and make sure they know how to practice self care. Your kids are never too young to understand the importance of keeping their stress levels at bay and paying attention to their bodies!
Children understand directives. They also understand authority. When parents’ direct children to behave appropriately, they usually do because they are well aware of the consequences of not following a directive. But children resist authority every way they can. And the most powerful weapon in their arsenal is “why”—why should I do this? Why should I sit straight? Why do I need to use a fork like this? Why can’t I throw food I don’t want to eat? And so on. Nothing tests a parent’s patience as a “why.” It just keeps coming till it becomes a full-fledged interrogation. Consequently, emotions get frayed, exhaustion takes over, and parents effectively always end the interrogation by telling their children to leave the table and/or go to their room. What permeates the home, henceforth, are feelings of guilt (for the parents), and resentment (for the children). For the children then, good behavior, following etiquette, is not a choice but an imperative. They must sit straight at the dinner table because a parent said so and not because good posture assists in good digestion.
So, they learn good behavior as a negative rather than as a positive with a good physiological reason behind it. What if it was the other way around? What if there was guide to good behavior that was a book and not a parent? Would that help? I think it might. Children resist good behavior as a way to resist authority. What if good behavior was self-directed rather than parent-directed? My book, “Manners Matter: A Children’s Self Guide To Social And Personal Conduct“, is that experiment. It’s an early-stage guidebook for good behavior and etiquette for children between the ages of 5-13 years. This book, a first in a series, is about giving children the power to craft themselves into responsible familial and social citizens without authoritative parenting. So instead of a parent saying, “sit straight while you eat,” a child who’s already read the guidebook, does so without prompts. This guidebook is not about making parenting useless but collaborative, easier even. This self-guide is for your children, parents. This book gives the children tools to practice good behavior. Here are top ten manners your child can self-learn and direct:
1. Thanking those who nourish you, every day. Parents don’t have to take care of you, but they do because there’s a deep abiding love here. Honor that with your gratitude.
2. Eating wisely and with your mouth closed. No-one likes a full or oozing mouth. It’s never a pretty sight. Do not subject others to sights you wouldn’t want to be subjected to!
3. Cleaning up after you (whether it’s the dining table or the bathroom sink). Wipe off a mat, set dirty dishes in the dishwasher, wipe off the sink after brushing. These demonstrate attentiveness and care for others. You’ll be paid forward for such micro-acts of consideration.
4. Thinking of food and water as precious and not wasting it. America wastes 40% of its edible food. Don’t add to the statistic. Reduce it by considering well how you eat and how much at a time. Similarly, water is precious. Drink what you need. Avoid plastic and also recycle every time. The fish in the oceans will be grateful.
5. Being the host that no-one expects but will love. Be attentive to your friends when they come over for sleep overs. Clean your room and bathroom. Ask them if they have any food allergies. Convey the same to your parents so they can offer food accordingly.
6. Being a good listener and an empath, especially to friends. We all feel pain sometime or the other. We just need someone to listen without judgment. Be that someone.
7. Making your bed each morning makes a Bill Gates. Making your bed may seem like an innocuous exercise. But the operative word is “organize.” Organize your brain for the day with this activity and see how productive you can be!
8. Being an honorable patron at a restaurant by thanking those who serve you. Look at your server, listen to them, thank them every time they bring out your food or address your needs. Your kindness will raise every one’s vibration.
9. Practicing gratitude every day because it makes life sweeter for everyone. Counting our blessings, shifts our emotions, making them positive, vital. More vital our emotions, more positive our social environment will be. That’s just the truth.
10. Asking parents and teachers for help when bullied. Self-care is life-giving. Suffering is not wise. Self-preservation is essential. Seek adult help when you cannot help yourself, especially against cruelty.
Thank you, parents, for sharing this book with your children. Children are already very wise. This book only gives them words and tools to negotiate a personal and social world that sometime can be confusing and at other times treacherous. This book is their companion, a friend they might not think they want but sometimes absolutely need!
Peace.
Sincerely
Dr. Shubhra Sharma
An at-home dad on a mission to keep it real when it comes to food, fun, and raising a healthy, happy family.
