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Life, Parenting

10 Ways Toddlers Are Like Zombies

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Only 2 4 (we watched 2 more after I wrote this!) episodes in to The Walking Dead and I’ve got zombies on the brain (ha ha) mostly all day. Even my wife has been asking zombie questions which is something I thought she’d never speak of, so I know she’s thinking about them too. As I’ve been pondering the wonder of zombies, I found that they bare a frightening semblance to our little tykes!

I bet you seasoned Walking Dead viewers are laughing at me thinking “You have no idea!”, but as a boy who grew up loving horror films, I’m not stranger to the living dead. That’s probably why it bothers me when I can’t answer Going Mom’s zombie questions, which isn’t often, mind you!

With 5 seasons concluded as of March 29 of this year, and a sixth season in the works, we have a lot of catching up to do, but I’m looking forward to spending the time watching something with my wife. Kelley has a lot to learn about the undead, and I figure she’ll quickly agree that these 10 zombie tendencies are all apparent in our practically 17 month old daughter, Avery.

  1. One is usually manageable, but they are powerful in numbers. Even alone, Avery is a handful at times, but usually not too overwhelming. Add a handful of kids in a group setting and chaos is sure to ensue. No matter the other parents around to deal with their own kids, they somehow manage to get to us adults most of the time.

    What can we destroy next?
    What can we destroy next?
  2. All they do is grunt or make undecipherable word-like sounds to communicate. It’s a constant guessing game trying to figure out what Avery wants most of the time. We ask if she wants milk, we get a blank stare or a whine/short grunt. “Are you hungry?” Eeeeemph! Ummm, okay, is that a yes? Geez, at least zombies go right for what they want! Also, the word “No” means nothing. Tell a toddler “No” and they do exactly what you told them not to do, and they’ll stare right at you while doing it. I’ve never been in a situation where I need to tell a zombie “No”, but something tells me they too will defy your demand, as they eat your face.
  3. They stink. It’s not fair to say our kids smell all the time like zombies do, but when they fill that diaper, you could swear something dead is close by. Luckily, a quick spray of her cloth diaper and fresh one put on its place, and Avery doesn’t smell so bad…..until poop #2 or #5 or more happens.
  4. They’re biters. Poor Going Mom knows this more than I do because of breastfeeding, but Avery has bit my fingers many times while feeding her. I hear this happens a lot with toddlers, and same goes for zombies!DSC_4914
  5. They drool….a lot. Usually because of teething (which might be the reason for #4), toddlers drool like a dog in a Milk-Bone factory. Although probably not from teething, zombies are constant droolers because they never seem to have their mouth fully shut.
  6. They suck at sharing. If you are holding something, could be anything, toddlers usually want it and will get upset if you don’t let them have it. In the same fashion, if one zombie is the brains from something they just caught, a whole hoard of zombies will come acting like it’s all for them. No manners, either one of them!
  7. The are messy eaters. Do I even need to explain this one? Guts and brains are instantly messy, and toddlers have the inept ability to turn even the cleanest of foods into a messy new paint design on your floor or walls.DSC_1406
  8. They NEVER sleep. What we call nap time is actually just Avery jumping around her crib and throwing everything around her out. Nighttime is the same, everything gets tossed out of her crib as she proceeds to talk to herself, or maybe the zombies that also aren’t going to sleep.

  9. They can’t sit still. No matter what they’re doing, our tots seem to constantly move. Sit down to watch a movie, even the best one for kids, and you might have them calm for 10 minutes, tops. At least this is our experience with Avery, and don’t get me started about when she’s in her highchair! I haven’t tried getting a zombie in a highchair or watching a movie with them, but they are always on the move, shuffling around the streets in search of flesh.
  10. They are clumsy and uncoordinated. Even with all of the moving practice they get, kids are always falling and never seem to walk straight. You’ll see this trait in any zombie movie/show, they are lumbering forward in a diagonal direction and fall over things easily.DSC_4543

There you have it, it’s freaky how similar our toddlers are to the living dead. Actually, maybe we need to check just to make sure we’re not housing a little zombie! Be careful out there!

What zombie traits do your little ones possess?

Anything you’d like to add to the list?

Life, New Life, Parenting

Avoid Awkward Silence as an At-Home Parent: Six Ways to Develop Early Vocabulary Skills

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Me: Hey Avery, are you hungry?

Avery: ……..

Me: Okaaayyyy, how about we try walking?

Avery: …….

Me: What’s wrong, did you poop?

Avery: ………

And so on and so forth. Thus is the typical conversation most parents have with their babies.

When you start life as an at-home parent your infant, silence is inevitable and expected. Sure, there’s crying and cooing, but unless you’re caring for other kids at the talking age, you have no one to actually converse with when at home.

We only have one kid, so it’s just Avery and me spending every day together, learning and growing along the way. I love it. It’s fulfilling, rewarding, better than sitting in an office (to me), way better than daycare (financially and physically), and it sometimes drives me INSANE!

Oops, did I say that? It’s not when she’s extremely fussy and screaming out loud, or when she’s pulling out my leg hair as I’m trying to cook meals for day; it’s the silence. Crying, I can take, but sometimes it gets quiet, a little too quiet.

Don't mind me, I'll just sit here and stare.
Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here and stare.

As I first mentioned, it’s expected from an infant, but at a year old and close to making actual words with her babbling, it’s just awkward when she turns silent. I’ll be working in the kitchen as she’s happily pushing her boxes across the floor (yes, we’re classy) or we’ll be playing in the front room, but all too often, she turns silent and stares into space.

I know you’re thinking, “Must be poop!”, and I used to think the same, but that’s usually accompanied by grunting and a strawberry-red face. I’ll check anyway because you never know (right?), but 8.3 times out of 10, there’s no poop in sight……or smell.

Luckily, there are solutions to most problems in the world, and I’ve found six that help combat the awkward silence as an at-home parent. As she grows, many of these will act as a wonderful base to build upon and hopefully expand her vocab skills and mind.

1. Explain what you are doing. When I’m in the kitchen (it’s a lot!), I’ll catch Avery staring at me as I work. Instead of just carrying on in silence, I’ll explain to her exactly what I’m doing as if she’s a student anxious to jot down all of my notes. I do this for everything from the exercises I do when working out and even during diaper changes. This gives me the pseudo-conversation I sometimes miss and helps keep her engaged in daily activities.

2. Explain what they are doing. Since it would be narcissistic to only talk about yourself, describe the actions your kid is making too. This goes along with number 1 above, and will help them begin to understand their capabilities.

Yes dear, you are accurately portraying Chucky, the killer doll.
Yes dear, you are accurately portraying Chucky, the killer doll.

3. Make eye contact when speaking to your child. In doing so, your child may be more inclined to communicate. Of course, watch what you’re doing too; like changing dirty diapers!! I’ve tried looking into her eyes while explaining how I’m cleaning her bottom and next thing I knew, well, you know. #ParentingFail

4. Read to them often. Even when they can’t stand still and try to tear the pages from your hands as they scream, keep reading! Avery does this to Going Mom and I daily, but trust me, you’ll help build vocabulary skills and maybe even have them reading before others their age. Make sure to choose books with big, bright colors and fun pictures. Moby Dick is not the best book to start with. 🙂

5. Acknowledge their sounds and actions. When Avery started blowing raspberries, we made sure to return the action and let her know what she was doing. Now that’s she’s babbling a lot, we repeat (as good as we can) the string of “words” she spouts out and encourage words like “momma” and “da da”. Lately, Avery has become an expert at sticking out her tongue on queue and it makes my wife and I so proud!

6. Play music. You don’t have to have “The Wheels on the Bus” on repeat, play actual music, whatever you like, and it’ll be fine. This is a big one for keeping sane and having some kind of background noise at all times. Almost every day, I turn on Pandora with a mix of my favorite channels and frequently sing out loud with Avery staring at me in bewilderment. Despite the strange looks you might receive, have no doubt that your kid will pick up on words that help expand their vocabulary. For this reason, I tend to stay away from the Eminem station….

Although you can never fully escape the awkward silence when you’re an at-home parent with only one kid who’s not yet talking, these six solutions will help get you through this time and help build your child’s speech and learning skills as well.

Have you made use of any of these before?

Do you have other tips/advice to share?

Monthly List, Parenting

12 Memories From My 12th Month Since Going Dad….She’s 1 Year Old!!!!

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Well, it’s here, our little girl is now a 1 year old! The world has come full circle around the sun since Going Mom gave birth to Avery as I stood by her side and helped the nurses took pictures while getting in the way at the hospital.

Thumbs up for a job well done by my wonderful wife!
Thumbs up for a job well done by my wonderful wife!

Seriously, how has it already been a year?! A lot has happened between now and then, but some of it all seems like a blur. And this is just the first year!

Today we’re having a small birthday party at our house and hopefully all goes well. After attending one of our neighborhood friend’s party for their 1 year old girl, we now know NOT to give a cake with a lit candle. Who would’ve thought they would grab right at that flickering light? Ha, sorry, neighbors, you know who you are. 🙂

Over the last month alone, we had many memorable moments; here’s 12 of them.

1. I’ve been adding to our cardboard box collection in the house which makes for exciting playtime for the whole family!

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2. I successfully brewed my first batch of beer as a dad. You weren’t too thrilled about the beer, but I could tell you were eyeing all of those bottles.

3. Mommy’s work had a family trick-or-treating event, but it interfered with your regular nap time. To ensure you got your rest before we went, I just made nap time a little earlier. You had other plans…..

4. Dressing you up as a pumpkin for your first Halloween costume was far from original, but damn, you were are always cute!

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5. Taking you around the neighborhood for trick-or-treating on Halloween didn’t last long, but Mommy, G-Ma, and I had a great time sharing another first.

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6. Mommy and I have been sticking our tongue out at you since you were only a few months old, but finally, you started firing back with your own tongue!

7. Mommy took off work and we went to the Dallas Arboretum and Botanical Gardens to see the festive fall decorations and take a lot of pictures with you. I know, so rare, right? It was pretty warm that day and you became fussy early, but we still snapped some great shots together.

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8. Sleeping on our living room floor with you on my chest and Mommy beside us after a long night of painful teething. It was sad to see you in pain, but ended up being a moment I will always remember.

9. Your poop schedule suddenly had you booked all day for many days in a row. This was a shock since we used to see nothing at all some days. This coincided with your teething, obviously, as it is one of the signs of a teething baby. Yep, confirmed!

10. I have been kissing you goodnight on the cheek for a while now, but this month you started trying to kiss back. It’s more like you stare at me with your teeth exposed, but it’s cute, sweet, and making progress in showing affection!

11. After preparing a warm breakfast of pumpkin teff for Mommy, she let you have some and you ate quite a bit. This was confirmed that night when “the world’s smallest grain” reappeared in your diaper!

12. Your “walking” status keeps getting closer and closer, and now you’re scaling the cabinets in the kitchen or anything else for that matter. This includes going around me by holding on to my legs if I’m in the way.

We are so grateful to have Avery in our lives and look forward to many, many more wonderful years to come. But first thing’s first, lets work on that walking……

I hope to have a great report with lots of pictures from the party some time next week, but for now, I’m off to celebrate our daughter’s 1st birthday with my wife!