When you go out with the kids, the chances are that you’d do anything not to be the parent with THAT child. You likely have nightmares of trips which end in temper tantrums and disapproving stares. Ahh, the joys of parenting. It’s enough to leave you wanting to lock the doors and never set foot outside again.

But, despite your best efforts, your child may start to misbehave in just the way you fear. As well as being a nightmare come true, this can cause a real strain on familial relationships. Obviously, you love your child without end. But, it can be pretty hard to like them when they’re throwing themselves on the floor and kicking your ankles. In front of everyone, no less.

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Behavior like this is clearly unacceptable. And, there’s no denying that you need to do what you can to let your child know that. But, if things have been this way for a while, and your punishments aren’t having an effect, it might be time to change your approach. For the most part, children who are acting out for no real reason do respond to punishment. Even if your efforts don’t have an effect the first few times, things will change over the course of a few weeks. Your child will soon know that the price they pay for misbehavior isn’t worth the thrill.

Unless this has been happening for months. That’s a sure sign something else is going on. Often, there’s an underlying cause for naughty behavior. And, as the parent, it’s your job to determine what that is. So, read on to find out how can you get to the bottom of that seemingly never-ending naughtiness.

Consider if a medical condition is to blame

More parents than ever now know about conditions like ADHD (attention deficit disorder). Studies have shown that at least 5% of American children between the ages of 4-17 have the condition. Though, the CDC considers that this number could be even higher. Either way, that’s a whole load of kids. And, as you’ll learn from sites like Parenting Pod, misbehavior is one of the first symptoms, with children suffering from ADHD unable to control their emotions from their early years. As well as making your child more liable to temper tantrums, ADHD can mean an inability to listen to instruction. And, that would explain why your child is failing to respond to your punishments.

And, ADHD isn’t the only medical condition worth attention. Anxiety is another leading cause for unruly children. After all, anxiety manifests in nervous energy. And, children with nervous energy often feel no way to release that feeling than to throw a screaming fit. Anxiety-induced naughtiness could also become prevalent in an attempt to seek reassurance. It may be that your child feels anxious when you’re focusing elsewhere, and thus throws a tantrum to detract your attention back on themselves.

Obviously, it’d be unfair to punish your child for any of the above issues. These are medical problems which need medical attention. And, it’s your responsibility to get it. So, take the time to do more research into these conditions and others like them. Then, book an appointment and speak things through with a doctor.

Is there an underlying cause?

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We’ve all heard about the bully who acts out because of a bad home life, right?. Well, the same could be true for your child. Not that they have a bad home life exactly, but that something at home is causing their misbehavior. If, for instance, you leave your child with a minder often, they may feel as though you don’t give them any attention. In an attempt to change that, they could get into the habit of playing up while you’re away so their minder has to call you back. This could also lead to misbehavior when you’re around in an attempt to get as much attention as they can. Equally, if you and your partner are arguing, they may misbehave to distract you both.

Or, it may be that the underlying cause isn’t at home at all. If children are being bullied, there’s also more chance of playing up at home. Their frustration about what’s happening at school could easily build and explode once they’re safe in the family unit. Even if bullying isn’t an issue, falling outs with friends can also cause this kind of behavior. And, again, with any of these issues, it wouldn’t be fair to punish your child. If you suspect something like this, take the time to talk to your child and get to the bottom of things. Then, set about either making changes at home, or speaking with their teacher. As soon as your child feels safe again, you may find that their behavior improves.

Is the fault with your reactions?

None of us likes to think that we’ve gone wrong somewhere on the parenting journey. But, if you react to each tantrum by giving your child what they want, you may need to look at yourself a little closer. We’ve all been there. Your child is screaming, parents are watching, and you want the ground to swallow you whole. On those days, it can seem so much easier to let them have the sweets already. You’re only human, and your days are hard enough as it is. But, if you give in to a tantrum even once, you’ll do untold damage. In no time, your child will associate bad behavior with positive reinforcement, rather than punishment. Even if you send them to their room when you get home, their tantrum served its purpose. Not to mention that this is giving crossed messages which are sure to lead to confusion about what’s acceptable. To make sure this doesn’t happen, always stick to your guns when it comes to bad behavior. Set in place reliable punishment methods, and stick with them no matter how embarrassed you get. Your child will soon learn that they can’t win you over by screaming.

A temper tantrum is very much a nightmare scenario for any novice parent, and one must resist the temptation to become emotional in one’s response. Nothing is more embarrassing than having to drag your screaming infant away from the chocolate shelves in the supermarket, especially when the toddler makes a stand halfway and stomps their feet and literally screams at the top of their voice! Rather than waiting until it happens, you should spend some time understanding what causes such an eruption of emotion as this is the key to prevention, which is much better than having to deal with the real thing.

Take a Good Look At Your Behaviour

This takes some courage, and there’s a very fine line between giving your child nice things and pampering to their every whim, and with so much love, it can be difficult to say no, and once you realize that the child is actually fully aware of what they are doing when they tantrum like crazy, things start to look a little clearer. Answer this question, when your child gets emotional because they cannot have what they want, what is the eventual outcome? In nine times out of ten, the child gets what he or she wants, which only goes to reinforce the emotional reaction, and this will never recede until the child understands that this method no longer works. Yes, it is a mind game, and if you are not careful, your three year old will have you at their beck and call, and once you reach that stage, it becomes much harder to facilitate change, and if you have ever witnessed what a spoiled 13-year old girl can do when confronted with refusal, you will know how it can end up.

Start As You Mean To Go On

You have obviously heard the saying, “you sometimes have to be cruel to be kind”, and this applies to dealing with a toddler’s demands. Any young human being is constantly testing the waters, as they become more and more familiar with their environment, and if mum is constant with her response to needs, the child will accept this unconditionally, and it is only when mum shows a chink in her armor, that the emotional response emerges which is a natural way to try to ensure you do get what it is you want. You obviously want the day care center to have the same policy. If you happen to live in Australia, there are qualified Melbourne child care providers who will ensure that your child is not given everything they want in order to keep them quiet. The professional carer will simply engage the child in something interesting, which takes their focus away, and the results are impressive: Tantrum stopped in its tracks!

Calmness Rules

If your child is red lining on the tantrum scale, simply remain calm and expressionless, and sooner or later, the child will realize that letting off such steam is very tiring, and as the expected response is not forthcoming, they will eventually call it a day. Any emotional response to a tantrum is like throwing a can of gasoline over a fire, and with the absence of this, the fire will eventually run out of fuel and calmness will return – with a little sobbing afterwards – and as terrible as this might sound, do NOT hug your child as they are sobbing in defeat as they will take that as a victory and it will be stored in the memory for future use.  If you would like to read what the experts say about how to deal with a temper tantrum, there is a link to an informative article. 

Mum and dad need to be firm, and above all, consistent in their response to toddler requests, and like it or not, saying no is often the right thing to do.