Tag Archives: stay-at-home

Challenges Of Being A Stay-at-Home Dad

08/27/2021 R.C. Liley Leave a comment

stay-at-home, dad, father, parenting, at-home dad, family

In many societies, men are seen as the financial support of the home, while women, in addition to several roles, are considered the primary caregivers where kids are concerned. This assertion lends credence to why 51% of Americans believe women should rather stay at home and not fathers. Therefore, eyebrows are raised when a man decides to go against the ‘norm’ to become a stay-at-home dad. Indeed, it does come with challenges, and that’s what you are about to read on. However, the objective is to work through these challenges and become a successful stay-at-home dad. Read further to gain insight on this matter.

Lack of support

Not many men are in the habit of becoming stay-at-home dads, and for this reason, there isn’t enough support out there to provide guidance. As a matter of fact, some opposition you are likely to face will come from members of the extended family who may have grown up in a different era. For example, elderly uncles, aunties, and grandparents usually do not understand why the roles should change where child care is concerned.

Their refusal to understand the role change inadvertently results in a blatant lack of support for a stay-at-home dad. Admittedly, sometimes it’s not a refusal; instead, it’s more to do with a clash of cultural expectations. Moreover, there aren’t many social groups that support stay-at-home dads compared to the opposite gender. Unfortunately, all these elements contribute to the utter lack of support (although sometimes minimal) for these dads.

Depression

Already, staying at home as the primary giver may build feelings of anxiety and, if left unchecked, can spiral into depression. However, child care experts say these feelings of depression can be dealt with when you take deliberate steps to resolve the problem. First of all, be conscious about taking breaks to relax when your partner takes over the care of the kids. Secondly, acknowledge your feelings and if it’s affecting daily routines, seek expert help. If you’re not yet at that stage, there are things you can do on your own to handle it. You can try managing serotonin levels in your body, and one way is with cbd oil.

Isolation

It’s not too surprising that fathers who become stay-at-home dads feel isolated at some point in their lives. They tend to feel lonely mainly because not so many stay-at-home dads are around to share moments. Moreover, it can be very uncomfortable planning playdates only to realize that everybody else is a stay-at-home mom and you’re the only dad among the group. Again, many parent groups are dominated by mothers, making feelings of isolation even more pronounced.

Indeed, raising a family is not the sole responsibility of one parent. Even though certain situations may account for why a man decides to become a stay-at-home dad, avoid letting others’ opinions affect your judgment. At the end of it all, the most important reason for doing it is to be hands-on in raising your children to become responsible people in the future.

Going Healthy, Life, Parenting

Routine Maintenance As A Stay-at-Home Parent

05/12/2016 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

Search the web or ask other stay-at-home parents around you and one of the first bits of advice you’ll hear is “Find a routine!” This doesn’t just apply to at-home parents, of course, it’s absolutely vital for all parents.

As I moved away from my full-time job at the office into my new role as a stay-at-home dad, finding a routine was high on my list of priorities. It’s been two years now and I have been pretty good about sticking to a routine and not straying from my schedule. But, that doesn’t make it a good routine.

For one thing, this created havoc on my brain when the weekend rolled around and Going Mom was home. Of course I love my wife through and through, but I was thrown off and would find that I had trouble managing this for a while….a long while. Some days I’m not sure how she even put up with me, and some days she didn’t. I deserved it.

The weekends were bad enough, but going on a trip was even worse sometimes. Yeah, it was vacation, a time to cut loose and relax, but I had so much trouble enjoying the time because it simply was not my routine. There were other factors like finding acceptable food and whatnot, but getting out of my comfort zone (i.e. routine) was the big culprit.

I’d fight with myself saying to just enjoy time with friends and family, as that makes sense, but I’d still have trouble. As time passed, my stress management from daily, weekly, and monthly changes had me on an emotional rollercoaster. I made myself miserable.

If I couldn’t workout at the same time, go on walks at the same time for the same distance, cook meals for my family, vacuum the house, get Avery down for a nap at the same time, prepare dinner, and then kiss the girls goodnight as I sat up too late on the computer, there would be a stress bomb exploding in my head. All because this “sacred” routine was broken. As a result, I’d be cranky, snap at my wife or daughter for petty reasons, and simply no fun to be around.

I would talk to my wife about it every now and then, but never letting out all of my feelings. Finally, I broke down and let it all out telling her how everything got to me and how much I hated being like this but didn’t know what to do. Being the loving, caring, and pretty much always right wife that she is, she gave me an ultimatum.

Start meditating, doing yoga, or something to better manage my stress, or within three weeks, I would need actually seek help from a doctor about my stress. Whoa, doctors? No thanks, seeing enough of them for my shoulder as is, and I refuse to resort to prescription meds as a way to cover up the stress and anxiety.

We’ve had similar talks before where I said I needed to change, but they rarely lasted longer than a month. But this last time was different, and everything had built up more than ever, so I committed to make changes for the better.

I used to start my day by waking up right as Going Mom left for work. I’d then get Avery up and fed as I prepared dinner for the night and lunch for my wife to take to work the next day. Most of the time, I’d fail to get much food for myself, and then proceed to try and get in a workout with Avery in the garage. Trying to perform a set of heavy squats with a screaming toddler behind you is enough to drive monks up-the-wall-insane, which only further exacerbated my already high stress levels.

I’d finally eat after Avery went down for a nap and then plan on eating mostly late at night when everyone went to sleep. This meant staying up late and getting little sleep for myself. Thanks to my wife and the help of Shawn Stevenson’s book Sleep Smarter, I find the main cause of my routine stress; SLEEP.

Going Mom had a simple solution, try going to sleep earlier. Whoa, mind blowing! I’ve thought of doing it before, but held on so dearly to “my time” at night and just didn’t want to change. Well, I pushed my selfish thoughts off to give it a try.

Instead of staying up to stare at the computer for a couple hours at night, I went to sleep the same time as my wife. Here’s the kicker, I woke up earlier feeling better than before, had some tea/coffee, and got my workout in before Avery woke up. The fear of missing a workout is a big concern for me, so taking care of that right off the bat immediately puts me in a more relaxed state.

From there, I have a just enough time to prepare breakfast for Avery and myself before I get her up. Then we eat at the same time and have time after to actually do more without me stressing out so much. This has been going on for just over a week and I notice I feel much better/happier than I have in a long time.

Do I still get stressed? Of course, it’s completely normal to get stressed, in fact, it’s part of how we as humans have survived, but chronic stress can literally kill us. Not because of a saber tooth tiger, but from work, family issues, body image, traffic, etc.

Needless to say, making just one change in my routine has lead to having a more fulfilling day with my daughter and wife. I have plenty of minor details to work out, but sleeping earlier and smarter has solved the bulk of my issues. Having that stress-free time in the day to have genuine fun with my wife and daughter is something I will cherish forever.

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That’s what really matters. Missing a workout is no big deal, and I know it, so hopefully I’ll work on fully accepting it when that time comes knowing I’ll be able to jump right back on board soon again.

If you’re having trouble with your current routine, try and find the one thing that will lead to many more positive changes throughout the course of the day. For me, sleep was the big one, maybe it is for you too. Whatever the case, seek it out and change for the better. Trust me, you and your friends and family will be happy you did.

Going Healthy, Going Strong, Parenting

Join Me for the Run Dad Run! Virtual 5k Walk/Run

04/27/2016 R.C. Liley 2 Comments

The National At-Home Dad Network is holding a virtual 5k on April 30, 2016 and I’m asking you to join me. This is their first ever Run Dad Run! spring fundraiser going to the extremely important cause of men’s mental health with the funds going to the operating costs of this wonderful organization.

I had the pleasure of attending the National At-Home Dad Convention last September in Raleigh, NC where I was overwhelmed with hundreds of other supportive, at-home dads just like me. I cannot stress the importance of having a network of other guys to share our thoughts, concerns, laughs, and sorrows enough. The NAHDN truly does play a major role in all of our mental health and helps fathers be the awesome fathers and husbands every family deserves.

I signed up during the Super Early Bird registration back in October, but since it’s only a few days away, there’s no more Early Bird specials. The good news is that you can still sign up now as an individual for $25 (including 1 free medal) or a family (including up to 8 free medals) for $50. For an extra $25, you can get a shirt, or simply donate whatever amount you like.

Register Now

Are you on the edge of registering and need a little push? No problem, they just posted 4 Reason You Should Join For RunDadRun this Saturday. Check it out and hopefully that’s the push you needed to sign up the entire family.

The details that you will find on the National At-Home Dad Network’s site are below. Give them a good read and go register your entire family to run or walk the virtual 5k with us on 04/30/16!

WHAT IS A VIRTUAL 5K?
So glad you asked! A virtual 5K is an organized, co-ordinated event where participants can do their run where they are, when they want, at their own pace. This is an opportunity for dads and families to be active in their own neighborhoods, running with their friends and family and community. Since our organization represents dads and families from all over the country (and beyond!) this is a great way for us to be out and active together without being together.

HOW DOES THIS WORK?
Run Dad Run works pretty simply: just register for the run here — the cost for participation is $25 for individuals, or $50 for families — and on the day of the race you run (or walk!) the 5K at your own pace, where you are. For participating you will be sent a shiny exclusive medal! In addition you will have the opportunity to purchase a Run Dad Run t-shirt to wear during or after your run.

WHERE DOES THE MONEY RAISED GO?
This is the National At-Home Dad Network’s major annual fundraiser, and all registration fees will go to funding the costs of running the organization throughout the year. This includes things like administrative costs and filing fees, web hosting and marketing costs, accounting fees, as well as the numerous expenses related to the planning and execution of the Annual At-Home Dads Convention. As always, we are a volunteer-run organization, and no money goes to paying salaries.