Tag Archives: stay-at-home

I Survived the 1st Year As a Stay-At-Home Dad!

More importantly, we/us/our family has survived a year having me as a stay-at-home dad. Nerves were high for all of us a year ago as my wife was returning to work from her maternity leave, and I was leaving work to stay home with our daughter, Avery.

It was obvious how unsure I was looking back at my first post from my first day at home. The world revolved around nap time and I heavily depended on Kelley’s breast milk soaked shirt laying in Avery’s crib to provide comfort and help with keeping her asleep.

babies, nap time, sleeping, parenting

Poor wife, I wouldn’t dare let her have that thing back for quite a while! On the second day, my confidence-o-meter was still in the negatives, as well as many subsequent days after.

If you checked out the links I provided from my first and second days as an at-home dad, you might notice a common theme that’s present with most parents, especially new ones; a difference in parenting styles. Yep, it’s a big one, and doesn’t matter if one is staying home or both are working, parents tend to disagree on one thing or another a miliion, and that’s just how it is.

Kelley and I still have our own ways of dealing with Avery and we’ll sometimes argue over how the other is handling a situation. Damn wife, she’s usually right (at least I admit it…..eventually), but sometimes I get the 1-up. Not often, but sure does feel good when I do! Parents, don’t you agree?

Fighting Arguments Quarrels Misunderstandings aside, Kelley and I make a great team and have learned a lot along the way. Is anyone ever done learning when so much is changing every day? In parenting and relationships, I vote NO! But that’s part of the fun, right? 🙂

In my year as a stay-at-home dad, I’ve made many mistakes and figure I’ll make many more. But from the ones I have made, I have learned and grew stronger as a result. For instance, babywearing, something we fully support and love in our home, took me a bit before realizing I was doing it wrong at first. I was wearing Avery all over with legs dangling and front facing.

Too cool for school...or anything.
Too cool for school…or anything.

As I shared on my post about Why I Wear My Baby, there are many studies showing the problems with a baby’s development when worn like this, especially the dangling legs!

And there are plenty more (I’m picturing my wife nodding her head as she reads this) mistakes that I’ll share in a separate post soon. Hopefully other parents, whether at-home or at-work, will learn from my mistakes and avoid making them their selves.

Today I want to call attention to making it an entire year with our arrangement and to express my deep, deep appreciation to my lovely wife, Kelley, for working so hard for our family. Some times are extremely hard with work, keeping up with breastfeeding, and dealing with an unruly husband (me!) and she is great at keeping everything together.

Kelley, I can’t thank you enough, and just want to say I love our life together and having such a crazy, yet sweet, daughter to raise with you.

Are you currently or can you remember being a parent to a baby/toddler?

What are some ways that you and your significant other pushed through the tunnel of stressful times to emerge from the other end, happy and sane? Okay, maybe a little crazy. 😉

Stay-At-Home Dads Are On The Rise In 2015!

According to a survey published by Yahoo.com, the rise in stay-at-home dads is expected to continue in 2015.  And this is not just because dads can’t find work (23%), it’s because we WANT to stay home (21%) with the kids and we can do a damn good job at it too!

It’s true, check out this PEW Research Foundation report published back in June of 2014 for proof. Stay-at-home dads actually represent the biggest increase in those caring for family.

We may not be capable of breastfeeding (also a “Hot in 2015” trend), but we can handle every other aspect just as well in our own unique, fatherly way.  More families see the female earning more than their male counterparts and just do better in a work environment.

I’m fortunate that this is the case in our family as Going Mom handles the work stress better than I did and I tend to handle the stay-at-home life stress better. Although it is stressful in both cases!

The very common and extremely annoying negative stereotypes of stay-at-home dads is decreasing every year, and with this survey, I’m hopeful it will continue it’s downward trend. Dads staying home only seems weird b/c it goes against what most of society has been raised to believe. Remember how smoking was “hot” (pun kind of intended) not many years ago? Yeah, that’s the power of society painting the image of how things “should be”.

As a member of several social media groups with other dads, I can proudly say at-home dads will continue to grow and we’ll snuff those negative views right in the sandbox where they belong!

The one downside to having more stay-at-home dads? A most likely increase in the number of kids telling corny jokes. Besides the jokes, dads do play an important role in a child’s development from newborn to college-bound, and that’s an extremely important role indeed!

Oh nothing, just working on Avery's development for later in life...
Oh nothing, just working on Avery’s development for later in life…

Among the other parenting trends for 2015 is breastfeeding in public being more socially acceptable (as it should be!) and school lunch being highly debated even more than previous years. Breastfeeding and nutrition are of the utmost importance in our home and we value them dearly.

I can’t say it enough how proud and grateful I am that Going Mom is able to continue breastfeeding Avery past a year and can see our daughter’s healthfulness (and crazy energy) shining through each day.

What do you think about Yahoo’s survey? Please share your thoughts below as I’d love to hear your views.

Avoid Awkward Silence as an At-Home Parent: Six Ways to Develop Early Vocabulary Skills

Me: Hey Avery, are you hungry?

Avery: ……..

Me: Okaaayyyy, how about we try walking?

Avery: …….

Me: What’s wrong, did you poop?

Avery: ………

And so on and so forth. Thus is the typical conversation most parents have with their babies.

When you start life as an at-home parent your infant, silence is inevitable and expected. Sure, there’s crying and cooing, but unless you’re caring for other kids at the talking age, you have no one to actually converse with when at home.

We only have one kid, so it’s just Avery and me spending every day together, learning and growing along the way. I love it. It’s fulfilling, rewarding, better than sitting in an office (to me), way better than daycare (financially and physically), and it sometimes drives me INSANE!

Oops, did I say that? It’s not when she’s extremely fussy and screaming out loud, or when she’s pulling out my leg hair as I’m trying to cook meals for day; it’s the silence. Crying, I can take, but sometimes it gets quiet, a little too quiet.

Don't mind me, I'll just sit here and stare.
Don’t mind me, I’ll just sit here and stare.

As I first mentioned, it’s expected from an infant, but at a year old and close to making actual words with her babbling, it’s just awkward when she turns silent. I’ll be working in the kitchen as she’s happily pushing her boxes across the floor (yes, we’re classy) or we’ll be playing in the front room, but all too often, she turns silent and stares into space.

I know you’re thinking, “Must be poop!”, and I used to think the same, but that’s usually accompanied by grunting and a strawberry-red face. I’ll check anyway because you never know (right?), but 8.3 times out of 10, there’s no poop in sight……or smell.

Luckily, there are solutions to most problems in the world, and I’ve found six that help combat the awkward silence as an at-home parent. As she grows, many of these will act as a wonderful base to build upon and hopefully expand her vocab skills and mind.

1. Explain what you are doing. When I’m in the kitchen (it’s a lot!), I’ll catch Avery staring at me as I work. Instead of just carrying on in silence, I’ll explain to her exactly what I’m doing as if she’s a student anxious to jot down all of my notes. I do this for everything from the exercises I do when working out and even during diaper changes. This gives me the pseudo-conversation I sometimes miss and helps keep her engaged in daily activities.

2. Explain what they are doing. Since it would be narcissistic to only talk about yourself, describe the actions your kid is making too. This goes along with number 1 above, and will help them begin to understand their capabilities.

Yes dear, you are accurately portraying Chucky, the killer doll.
Yes dear, you are accurately portraying Chucky, the killer doll.

3. Make eye contact when speaking to your child. In doing so, your child may be more inclined to communicate. Of course, watch what you’re doing too; like changing dirty diapers!! I’ve tried looking into her eyes while explaining how I’m cleaning her bottom and next thing I knew, well, you know. #ParentingFail

4. Read to them often. Even when they can’t stand still and try to tear the pages from your hands as they scream, keep reading! Avery does this to Going Mom and I daily, but trust me, you’ll help build vocabulary skills and maybe even have them reading before others their age. Make sure to choose books with big, bright colors and fun pictures. Moby Dick is not the best book to start with. 🙂

5. Acknowledge their sounds and actions. When Avery started blowing raspberries, we made sure to return the action and let her know what she was doing. Now that’s she’s babbling a lot, we repeat (as good as we can) the string of “words” she spouts out and encourage words like “momma” and “da da”. Lately, Avery has become an expert at sticking out her tongue on queue and it makes my wife and I so proud!

6. Play music. You don’t have to have “The Wheels on the Bus” on repeat, play actual music, whatever you like, and it’ll be fine. This is a big one for keeping sane and having some kind of background noise at all times. Almost every day, I turn on Pandora with a mix of my favorite channels and frequently sing out loud with Avery staring at me in bewilderment. Despite the strange looks you might receive, have no doubt that your kid will pick up on words that help expand their vocabulary. For this reason, I tend to stay away from the Eminem station….

Although you can never fully escape the awkward silence when you’re an at-home parent with only one kid who’s not yet talking, these six solutions will help get you through this time and help build your child’s speech and learning skills as well.

Have you made use of any of these before?

Do you have other tips/advice to share?