Tag Archives: thoughts

Life, Parenting

Having a Daughter: Learning to Conquer the Fear of Fatherhood

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Me: So are you able to tell the sex yet?

Nurse: *Pointing to a little spec on the screen of Kelley’s sonogram* See that there? You’re going to have a boy.

Kelley and Me: *gasp* *enormous grins follow*

Kelley: This early and you can tell, how certain are you?

Nurse: I’ve been doing this for a while and I’m pretty sure that’s a boy.

This was part of the conversation during Kelley’s scheduled sonogram at 13 weeks pregnant. I had always imagined us having a boy, and now it was just “confirmed”.

I wasted no time filling our Amazon baby registry with various boy items from mini kettlebells for kids (yep, there’s such thing) to a multitude of blue themed onesies our boy just had to have. Little Richard Charles Liley III (I’m the Jr/II), was on his way! But then, Kelley had her 18 week sono…

Nurse: …and right here we can see you’re having a girl.

Kelley and Me: *gasp* *no grins, just a look of pure, utter confusion across our faces* “But you told us you were sure we were having a boy!”

Nurse: *calmly* Oh, really? Well, nope, it’s definitely a girl.

Still excited for the fact that we were even having a baby, we walked out of the room with puzzled looks on our faces. Everything we had planned up to this point felt as if it were lost in a deep, meaningless abyss. Before the news, I was pushing to name our future boy after me, but Kelley was reluctant to give in without further discussion first. Clearly, my name was out of the question now that our boy “bump” was actually a girl, and we needed to rewire our thoughts to choose a name!

The name ended up being the easiest decision we made as parents. While walking down the hall of the doctor’s office that day, I was reading baby names hung on the wall from parents that sent the staff pictures of their newborns. Near the end, right before checking out, I read “Avery” out loud and the choice was made; we loved it! Too bad making the changes to our Amazon registry wasn’t as easy.

Since I couldn’t keep my mouth shut after the 13 week “boy sono”, (in Ricky Ricardo voice) I had some splainin to do. Damn you, social media, for making it so easy to spread the word!! Following my announcement that Kelley was actually pregnant with a girl, not a boy, I received many of the “Oh man, you’re in trouble!” and “Just wait until this or that happens.” comments just as Jeff Bogle from OWTK.com recently wrote about on his blog.

I would nod in agreement thinking of how much harder a girl will be since they seemed far more terrifying than raising boys. But, as Jeff explains in his post….

“Yeah, it gets challenging. No shit, Sherlock. Parenting isn’t always Pinterest-perfect cupcakes and Instagram-worthy rainbows, but why would you want it that way anyway?”

He then explains the various reasons people give on why being a father to a daughter is so scary along with his rebuttal on why it actually gets better. According to Jeff, the only thing worth fearing as a dad to a daughter is not being there for her to console, mentor, laugh, cry, and just be a dad as she experiences all that life has to offer. I completely agree with Jeff, and although I feel more confident about being an awesome father to Avery, I still get that worried, “must protect from everything” feeling for so many aspects of her future.

Why is it that so many feel it’s more terrifying for a father to raise a little girl instead of a boy? If I had a boy, I know I’d be less wary of what’s to come and would feel less terrified about the day he goes off on his own. But for Avery, so many things speed through my mind about what could happen as she ventures off into the scary world.

Tony, from DisillusionedDad.com, also read Jeff’s post and then wrote about his own feelings as a father to a daughter and a son. Similar to what I just described, Tony has many fears for his daughter that he does not share for his son. He loves them both to the moon and back, but, just as I feel about Avery, is reluctant to loosen the reigns for his little princess. At the end of his post, Tony mentions how he hopes he is not alone in this feeling of fear for his daughter, and I’m here to say he’s not alone at all.

I think part of the reason, a big part, is that as a guy, we know how guys think. Sure, love and romance is a part of life, that’s how I am married to a beautiful woman/mom, but it’s hard to accept this for our daughter. Do mothers with boys have similar feelings since they know how women view men? I can’t answer that, but if you are a mother with one or more sons, please leave a comment with your thoughts.

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I can’t imagine what it’d be like with a son instead of my beautiful daughter, Avery, as my love for her is everlasting and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Similar to Tony’s assessment, I need to fight my natural tendencies to always try and protect Avery from everything, and learn to simply be there for her, as a father, sharing all of life’s experiences.

 

This post is part of the following awesome parenting link-ups:
<img title=”Welcome Party Wednesday Link-Up” Welcome Party Wednesday Link-Up


Monthly List, Parenting

9 Memories From My 9th Month Since Going Dad

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Hey hey, we’re in the 4th quarter of Avery’s first year of life! Time keeps zipping by without signs of slowing down. Kind of like this little crawler; she’s non-stop!

You're mine now, Ball!!
You’re mine now, Ball!!

This post needs to be quick since I should be packing to go to our hotel for the weekend right now. I’m writing this on Friday afternoon and G-Ma will be on her way soon (cool, I rhymed!). Going Mom and I will be staying two nights at the Embassy Suites in Downtown Fort Worth, about 20 miles from home, for our 7th wedding anniversary.

As I write this, Kelley doesn’t know that I spoke with a kind lady at Embassy Suites who agreed to have a bottle of champagne and strawberries waiting in our room. Can’t beat that as a perfect way to start our “getaway” at a great hotel! If you know my wife, champagne is her favorite, and it was the hardest thing to talk her out of getting a bottle before we checked in. Geez, stubborn woman!!

Hopefully G-Ma is rockin’ out with Avery at our house and they don’t have any issues. But, if they do, that’s why we’re only so far away. We are so grateful that G-Ma agreed to stay the entire weekend with Avery, especially since she’s so mobile now!

I’ll have a recap of what went down sometime next week; I’m sure it’ll all be good…..right? Crap, I’m already taking too long. Let’s get on to the highlight of today’s post, shall we?

1. At 8 months, your first tooth was making an appearance, and now you have 4 almost all the way out!

Avery's First Tooth
Just one little tooth at 8 months…

It was a painful experience for all of us as those teeth pushed through, and we’re not looking forward to the next round. But, like everything, we’ll deal with it as it comes.

Flashy Four
Flashy Four

2. With those 4 teeth, 2 top and 2 bottom, you’ve taken to grinding them…..all the time!! I hear the grinding even when you’re not grinding; it’s like nails on a chalkboard. Hmmm, will you even get that reference anymore? Anyway, it’s bad, and it drives Mommy and me insane!

Doing the daily "grind"
Doing the daily “grind”

Even from afar, we know you’re grinding when your cheeks stick farther out and you have an apparent under-bite. Like most baby things, we hear it’s a phase and are anxiously waiting for it to be over!

3. You had just started crawling at 8 months, and although you aren’t walking now, you are pulling up on everything and anything with ease.

Soon, I won't rely on these and you'll never have time to yourself!!! But I'm cute, right?
Soon, I won’t rely on these and you’ll never have time to yourself!!! But I’m cute, right?

It’s only a matter of time until you take those first steps away from your support structures. Maybe by 10 months? I’m placing my bets now.

4. Since you are crawling like a pro now, you can easily make your way around the house and constantly amaze us at how quickly you make it to another room. Despite our cardboard box barriers you easily bust through, you find a way to get into exactly what we don’t want you getting into. A few of those things are the dog’s food and water bowl, the vacuum cleaner I constantly forget to put up, or the kitchen trashcan. Saying “No.” is futile, but we do it anyway.

5. Your playfulness keeps increasing and I get excited to see your happy face when I get on my hands and knees with you now. I’ve even started to put off washing dishes like I normally do and just get down to crawl around with you.

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6. When Mommy and I aren’t crawling around with you, the beach ball keeps you pretty occupied as you push and then chase it across the house.

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I’m hoping this fascination with the ball will help G-Ma wear you out while we are away for the weekend. Fingers crossed!

7. We brought you to two birthday parties for the neighborhood girls turning 1 and you did great at both! At one of them, we even came out with our own gifts for you; two types of walkers!

Heeeyyyyyy!
Heeeyyyyyy!

Since their little 1 year old girl now walks on her own, they had no use for these, so they let us borrow them until you’re in the walking club. I’m hopeful that we get to return them soon since that means you’ll be walking on your own too!

8. Our dinners are usually later than they should be, and you have been throwing most of the food we give you on the floor. At first it was cute, but now it’s obvious you know what you’re doing. On top of that, you will scream loud and thrash around just because.

Goodbye, broccoli!!
Goodbye, broccoli!!

Sometimes, we resort to showing you videos of yourself on our phones, but try not to put the screen in front of you that late.

9. Getting into things is just a part of life now, and Mommy and I quit trying so hard to stop you. Now we try to only have things left out that you are allowed to get into and topple over. You seem to enjoy pulling down on and spilling toys from the basket.

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This sequence is a daily thing, but at least you’re going for the book. Oh, wait, that’s a blank photo book….oops!

Well, Avery, you’re growing up fast and we love seeing how aware you’ve become of your surroundings. I can only imagine what another month will bring, but know we’ll be here to capture it all!

I could go on, but now I’m really pushing my time and Mommy’s patience! So, I love you, and when you read this some day, I hope we can tell you how great you were for G-Ma while we were gone. 🙂

 

Food, Parenting

The Best Way to Never Worry About Calories Again

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Basically, eat whole foods and don’t eat packaged food. Cutting out packaged food and making your own snacks and meals from fresh, wholesome ingredients is the key to better health. Convenient foods sealed in a pretty package or perfectly shaped box present a problem for many people; they’re convenient!
What happens when you pour a bowl of cereal, finish the puffs/flakes/crisps (I’ll save these processed things for a later post) and still have milk leftover? Instead of simply just drinking it or finding use for it in a recipe, many people will just pour more cereal in the bowl.
I’m guilty of doing this in the past, and sometimes still do, but I rarely buy boxed cereal for this reason. I make my own “cereal” with plain rolled oats and add various ingredients like pureed pumpkin, carrots, eggplant, yogurt, protein powder, peanut flour, chia seeds, mashed banana, nut butter, and more.
I’ll add stevia to make it sweeter if necessary, and always avoid adding non-nutritive sugar.  Using a banana has the benefit of providing natural sweetness and comfort.
When you choose to eat whole foods that aren’t sitting on a shelf in a package, you naturally feel full and know when to stop most of the time.  With plenty of fiber, water, and essential nutrients in whole veggies, you can eat plenty and still have a low calorie meal.
I want so bad to explain this to the uninformed, but so many think of this as “too hard” or “there’s just not enough time.” Nonsense! I say. If you say you really want to be healthier and change your lifestyle, then it CAN be done!

Give it a chance; if you’re going to buy something packaged, make it baby carrots or a veggie mix that’s pre-cut.  These are great for snacking alone or dipping in no or low calorie dips like mustard or plain non-fat yogurt mixed with herbs and spices.

It’s funny how you could give an unhealthy person a few simple ways to be healthier, but they will quickly ignore the suggestions while buying into the advertising on a box of “all natural” or “high fiber” snacks.

It should be a red flag when you see a product trying to pass itself off as being healthy by just saying it is low cal or making some other claim on the front of the box.  Then you read the ingredients and see 50+ items you can’t pronounce. Really? Is that healthy? NO!

Sorry for all of the jumping around, my head spins when I get caught up thinking of the vast information out there and how people listen to the wrong things.  Usually it ties into what’s easier.

As a parent, I’m even more uptight about food and where it comes from. Avery is only eating solids at night with the rest of her calories still coming from breast milk, but she’s enjoying her fresh veggies. Why would I want to feed a cutie like this something manufactured in a plant and rolled off an assembly line?

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When she’s older, I hope to have her in the kitchen helping me prepare the food that we eat and learning along the way.  Nothing but the best for our growing girl, and I know she’ll be healthier as a result!

The takeaway?

Don’t follow some diet, especially ones that will benefit financially from you.

Don’t listen to claims on labels or even purchase packaged food.

Do choose whole food like fresh produce, lean cuts of meat (if applicable), and plain legumes.

Here are a few posts from my old food blog, Just Add Cayenne, for some great ideas to get started:

Healthy Food Swaps

15 Healthy Cooking and Eating Tips

Diet Fads and How to Avoid Them

Why Diets Don’t Work

Simple and Healthy Snack Ideas

Hope these help!

Are you stuck in a convenient food rut?  Were you in the past? If so, how have you prevailed to overcome the “easy route” and choose fresh food instead?

Do you agree with my assessment?  Whole foods = natural calorie regulation, no counting needed!  The stripped down boxed stuff will leave you constantly craving more and more and may not ever keep you satisfied.